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03.21.05
THE EMBITTERED MAN'S APRIL FOOL'S DAY GUIDE

Presented under the aegis of the SKULLGAME ethos, wherein it is revealed that if you're not hurting someone's feelings then you're NOT doing your job

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THEY BLEW YOUR FAMILY TO BITS. ANGRY JEW: "AGGGHHH." HEY, APRIL FOOL'S DAY. THEY REALLY JUST SHOT THEM. ANGRIER JEW: "AGGGHHH!"



PORN DIRECTOR JULES JORDAN TAPS VINNIE ROSE FOR HIS CENTURIONS OF ROME PRODUCTION

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BELLADONNA AND JORDAN: A LOOOOONG WAY FROM THAT JIZ BUCKET HE USED TO SWING. ACTUALLY MAYBE NOT THAT LONG OF A WAY AWAY.

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- JULES JORDAN is a fucking genius. Genius. Not only in the fucking totally genius way he recognizes genius talent but in his ability to appreciate the cut of the jib of a man whose talents have long gone praised but unheralded.

We're talking about none other than VINNIE ROSE, who corralled Jordan for an interview and came away with more, much much more than that.

SKULLGAME: We love your shit. Your mise en scene shows a real auteur's eye for detail. And according to Sal here you studied at the famous Berlin Kunstschule.

JULES JORDAN: Ah. No. I started as a mop boy at some porno place. Then I was working in a warehouse for Michael Savage. Then I had a job selling videos to the stores and I took some ads out and started shooting people at night on my off time.

SG: So that shit about the Nazi art school was just bullshit?

JJ: Yes.

SG: Totally made up?

JJ: Yes.

SG: Now when you say shooting you mean...with a gun? Bullets? That whole thing?

JJ: Yes. That and fucking. But I sold some scenes to Odyssey. Then I met Patrick Collins from Elegant Angel and I sold him a couple of scenes. And that was good, I mean, especially for me since I could only shoot the kind of movie I wanted to shoot anyway. And I'm glad it worked out. I mean I don't have a film background at all outside of watching guys like these [gesturing to Elegant Angel crew].

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FRIEND OF THE WORKING MAN: JULES JORDAN HARD AT WORK

SG: From jiz bucket boy to custom Mercedes Benz driving motherfucker. Nice. So anyway they tell me you want me to do some SKULLGAME style fucking for you?

JJ: Haha. Well, yeah. We're always looking for male talent. But not every guy can do it.

SG: You talking fucking on film or cock size?

JJ: Both.

SG: And I got both in wild abundance.

JJ: Great. Well come on by. We have a little title that you'd be perfect for. Something called CENTURIONS OF ROME.

SG: Great, great. A little sword and sandals epic. A little Russell Crowe. I dig you. I dig you. And what ho's am I going to be fucking?

JJ: Ho's?

SG: Yes, yes, women. Which ones? GAUGE? AURORA SNOW? SHYLA?

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NO HO HO. NOT THIS ONE EITHER MY FRIEND

JJ: Oh. Haha. No. CENTURIONS OF ROME was going to be my ALL MALE title. I mean according to Sal that's what you wanted. So yeah, you're signed on and we'll see you bright and early Monday.

SG: No you won't.



BUT WHEN MONDAY ROLLS AROUND IN A STRANGE SORT OF SYNCRONICITY, LO AND BEHOLD, WHAT SHOULD APPEAR IN THE SKULLGAME INBOX: AN INVITE TO A LITTLE SOIREE AT HENRY ROLLINS' HOUSE

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THIS IS ACTUALLY NOT AN APRIL FOOL'S JOKE. SOME KIDDER, THAT HENRY



AND HOT OFF THE PRESSES: THE MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME MANAGEMENT GUIDE OR HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT EVEN FUCKING TRYING VERY HARD AT ALL

Unless you have a blow-job attachment to your computer under your desk, or you have a private office with a secretary named Miss Moneypenny who's stacked front and back like OLIVIA, you're shit outta luck--so listen up.

If you're not in a position of power, here's how you can fuck with the power trippers, set office politics on it's ear and bring a little locker room cheer to the executive board room.--TOOT SWEET

1) Ask to borrow someone's pen, bring it to the bathroom, stick it in your butt, then return it and tell the person to smell it. When they tell you it smells bad be like, "It should! I had it in my butt!"

2) Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hand.

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HELLO. MY NAME IS......FAT SUNNY

3) Answer every question asked to you with "Fuck if I know!" Then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race.

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GO BACK TO AFRICA YOU FUCKING CHINK!!!

4) Run down the hall with your dick out while urinating all over the place and yell, "It won't stop! God help me! It won't stop!!" When it does stop, look down and say..."Oh."

5) Shit on the floor in your office, and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it's the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.

6) Inform a male co-worker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker", then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good "ass fucking."

7) Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath, even if they don't, and then punch him in the mouth.

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CAVITY CREEPS MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!!!!

8) Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone how you're just kidding. Then tell everyone that they're just a bunch of retards.


 


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