Who the fuck wants to know? We mean you and what fucking army wants to know? Well if there is ONE thing you should know it's that I will fight you. I will fight you for fun. I will fight you for real. I will fight you on the beaches. I will fight you in the halls. I will fight you wherever we happen to be when I fucking fight you for reasons as varied as insulting our favorite porn star Olivia.

Or calling us "bro."

WHY HE WILL FIGHT YOU
Additional items that will get me to give you a good ol' Brooklyn style head whipping are in no order of preference:
talking shit about the Raiders (for any reason at all)
disliking whatever crap-ass shit you like
creamed corn
getting all hinky when I come on to your girlfriend
your girlfriend getting all up-up because I come on to her
pimp hats
liking that shit that you like that you call music;

and finally:
red shoe laces.

Keep that shit straight and we'll get along just fine.

WHY THE BROADS ALL LOVE US
To aid you in your public identification of ME here's the police blotter:
6'1" tall, 210 pounds, brown eyes, black hair, big cock. Really fucking handsome.

WHAT WE DO
It all. That is, if it can be stolen, eaten, fucked, gobbled, banged, lit up, choked down, slapped, stuck, slicked and/or tricked we will be there doing it. And reviewing it.

WHY OLIVIA IS LIKE THE BEST PORN STAR EVER AND IF YOU EVER TALK SHIT ABOUT HER PLEASE BE PREPARED TO FIGHT LONG AND HARD
Because she calls her movies "whore flicks."
Because she is the greatest woman we've ever met and we love her like we love our mothers.
Because she sees the dwarves that live in the hole in the wall behind her bed just like we do.
Because she is, that's goddamned WHY.

Now let's party.

Oh yeah, one last note: if you ever advise us to "party" we will fight you as well. So, just to keep the terminology straight if you want to hang with us, huff as much shit as we can get our hands on and bang the broads of our choosing in the process, simply say:

"Yo, Vinnie!!!"

VINNIE ROSE has written for Hustler, Hustler’s Busty Beauties, GQ, Raygun, Vice Magazine, Grappling, and Code


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