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WHEN THE QUESTION IS RAISED, "WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? SHOOT ME?" THE ANSWER SEEMS TO INVARIABLY BE: YES. YES I AM.
THE AVN PORN SLUT SYMPOSIUM: WHY WE DON'T USE BIRTH CONTROL
LAUREN PHOENIX SEZ "BECAUSE I HATE YOU. THAT'S WHY."
LAS VEGAS (SkullGame) -- It happened to JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT. It happened to MR. MARCUS. The IT in question? The possibility of fatherhood as a result of a porn slut who got pregnant being a porn slut. That is, ON CAMERA. Far be it from us to pass judgment of any kind on any kind of stupid ass behavior but how does this happen? Cops carry bullets. Housepainters bring ladders. Why don't porn sluts take the pill? Use the I.O.U. Or some Saran Wrap?
KENDALL: Because you're not supposed to be coming inside me anyway. Fucking you was the first time in two years I've fucked somebody without a condom even. Come outside me and I don't get pregnant. Easy.
NAUDIA NYCE:
WE'LL PUT THAT DOWN AS A "FUCK YOU."
What? What?
OLIVIA:
OLIVIA, IN DISGUISE, WITH ONE MOOK, AND THE CAPTAIN STUBBING
What? You came inside me? Fuccckkkk...
ONA ZEE:
MY GYNECOLOGIST USED TO BE A HOUSE PAINTER. ISN'T THAT COOL?
I'm Jewish. We don't get pregnant from fucking. Read your bible. Seriously.
JENNA JAMESON: I use birth control. It's called OverExposure. Works like a charm. Like...a...Charm.
So there you have it. Not a single answer worth a damn. You, porn slut, you and me and baby make three.
Jesus.
ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO: SKULLGAME MOURNS THE TSUNAMI DEAD
THE BEACHES ARE SO COOL AND EMPTY THIS TIME OF YEAR THAT I THINK ... I'LL...JUST...MASTURBATE MY TROUBLES AWAY.......
THAILAND (SkullGame) -- And for the third week in a row Sal mourns the loss of 150,000 potential hits on www.Skullgame.com. Sal was recently quoted as saying “why oh why couldn’t they have just purchased something with a valid Credit Card before that fucking wave!?! I’m sure someone alive would have enjoyed the porn.”
Reports are still streaming in from Southeast Asia reporting damage in the amount of nearly $75 (Canadian). United Nations spokesperson was reported as commenting “Why oh why couldn’t they have purchased something with a valid Credit Card before that fucking wave hit!?!”
Despite the staggering financial loss, as well as the less important but equally devastating loss of life, most villagers including Thapjang Mooseheliang were reporting above all their losses the most devastating is the loss of their high speed connections, with Mooseheliang commenting “Why oh why couldn’t they have just purchased something with a valid Credit Card before that fucking Wave hit!?!
Get the picture yet? Good!
TALES FROM THE PIPE: JIMMY THE FUCKING G ON THE METH DEALER TO THE STARS: GREG BENSON
BIRDS OF A COCK-SUCKING FEATHER FLOCK THE FUCK TOGETHER
CENTRAL VALLEY (SkullGame) -- SKULLGAME Scrub reporter and lube tech JIMMY THE G takes us to the posh Bakersfield, CA storage unit of one Greg Benson, dealer to such notables as CHASEY LAIN, COURTNEY LOVE, GIA PALOMA, and LINDSAY LOHAN. Benson's deluxe base lab features 55 gallon drums of anhydrous ammonia, an imported laminar flow hood, and a new Kilotech KPS-50 HEAVY-DUTY Bench Scale.
"I know that today's celebrity tweakers have the most discriminating palates ever," opines the wiry Benson. "What with all the doctor shopping, substance-abuse contract clauses, and years of mainlining. I always wanted to make sure that my products' purity and potency were unrivalled in the world of both meth and recently crack dealing, to please my elite clientele. So I spared no expense in fitting my rented storage bin with only the finest lab equipment and supplies. Over here is the Boekel 4-Shelf Stainless Steel Dessicator DOMONIQUE SIMONE likes to snort Ketamine off of when he's in town!"
Jimmy the G promises to post pictures, as soon as he recovers from his exquisite crack psychosis hangover.
