This edition of SkullGame is brought to you by our friends at Red Light District. Specifically, MR. VINCE VOUYER, a friend and supporter of SkullGame and apparently now the victim of a damnable attack on his decency and honor via the wide dissemination of a photo purporting to BE Vince...
OH, OH...I WAS ON MY WAY TO THE WHITESNAKE VIDEO AUDITION, GOT LOST & ENDED UP HERE. CAN YOU HELP ME PLEASE?!?!
...but who is in actuality a very, very, very gay man. This slight will not stand, Vince! And we will do all in our earthly powers to prevent your good name from being dragged through a veritable pageantry of faggotry via
THIS VERY PHOTO!!!
We promise, Vince.
And because our RACISM IS RIGHT ON!!! issue was such a resounding success we'll return in the near future with our newest installments, "JEWYJEWJEWJEW," "NEGRO, NIGRA, NIGGER: NIGHTTRAIN," and rounding out the troika, "YES, YOU SPEAK SPANISH, BUT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MADE OUT OF MUD TO ME."
GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT, AMERICA: MORE OVERTIME FOR TIRED COPS!!!!
And so if we, in our one small way, in our one cozy corner of the family of man's family room can do our part to spread unity and brotherhood through virulent racism, well then we will, goddamn it we will.
RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES JR., THE 3RD, FATNESS, BITCHES & DEAD JUNKIES STARRING IN...FAT, CRAZY GIRLS LOVE ELLIOT SMITH!
YOU LAUGH? WELL, NORTH CAROLINA CRIES. AND THEN DROPS A LOAD.
NORTH CAROLINA (SkullGame) -- Some of you with high tolerance for low standards may have found yourselves in a situation such as this: I walk into a bar, and sit down next to the biggest girl there with braids. And glasses. She immediately turns to me and starts talking. Two things become apparent almost instantly.
1. She is fucking loony.
2. I am going to end up getting drunk and fucking a loony.
And not only is she fucking insane, but she has that special, self-absorbed, Howard Cosell-like laser focused insanity. You know, the crazies who love to talk your ear off about this and that, but as soon as you attempt to interject with any response that veers slightly from the talking points of this + them or that + them, or the war in Iraq or something, you know, that's NOT about their self-absorbed fantasy world, it is deflected and they return, like a dog in heat to dog cock, to the same boring tales sprung from their own dementia.
I hate these people! Here's a tip: if you're crazy, you should open yourself up to other crazies, allow for off-the-wall, two-sided, pointless discussions about leprachauns, fairies, celebrity obsessions, or whatever your particular avenue of psychosis is. You could learn new, interesting, stupid things to add to your own fractured frontal lobe.
Her: "There is one man with many different faces."
Me: What?
Her: "Actually, there is one man, and there is Elliot Smith."
Me: Who the fuck is Elliot Smith?
I AM ELLIOT SMITH. I AM PERSONAL FRIEND'S WITH THE ARGENTINE. I WAS STABBED BY A JUNKIE. MAKE OF THIS WHAT YOU WOULD.
Her:"He is the most beautiful musician in the world, I have to release him from purgatory when I die"
Me: What other music do you like?
Her: "I have a painting of him, do you want to see it?"
Me: I have a feeling you're going to show me, regardless of what my response is.
It went on like this for a loooong time. Later, as I was fucking her, she insisted on having her painting stare at us. I woke up later with her attempting to spoon with me. I said some really romantic shit to her along the lines of, "Get your fucking knee out of my back. And, oh, It's time for you and Elliot to get the fuck out."
Remembering the evening before I was happy that I had taken evasive maneuvers to guarantee that I not be seen leaving with her because you can't be too careful. Women seem to have ready access to the Who's Who Who Fucked Fat Crazy Bitches Newsletter. Happy about the manuevers. Sad about what the manuevers led to. And completely indifferent now that I find out Elliot Smith is dead. So is CLIFF BURTON but you don't see me turning oxygen into exhaust because of it do you?
WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA SNAGS: THE LOS ANGELES HANDBOOK OF HO'S & TELS
Which top business hotel should you, the weary (weary from NOT load dropping), choose in Beverly Hills? If you wanna blow loads?
LEVANI AT MOTEL 6: WE'D LEAVE THE LIGHT ON FOR YOU, BUT THEY BEEN SHOT OUT
Four Seasons: The first room in the bar is known as the Non-Pay Sex room, the second is LA's top, and most obvious, place to pick up a high-end hooker.
Peninsula: The best spot for upmarket Russians (called Natashas in LA). Prices start at $500 an hour. Customers say they are up for anything, whereas local call-girls are "over-priced, under-performing, paranoid about sexually transmitted diseases and about being busted by over-enthusiastic vice cops." Lesbians.
L'Ermitage: Management have made the hotel a hooker-free zone. On the upside, if your father was a jackal, BRITNEY sometimes stays here and looks like she'll soon be on the rebound.
WANT TO BE A PROSTITUTE? BUT LACK THE EDUCATION? TRY...
INDIAN PROSTITUTE FOR PROSTITUTE APPLICATIONS, WHICH ARE NOW AVAILABLE AT WWW.INDIANPROSTITUTE.ORG
No, no, no. No need to thank us now.
AND FROM EARLIER THIS WEEK:
SKULLGAME PERSONAL OF THE MONTH: Woman 4 MMMMMMMM
WE, OF COURSE, RESPONDED EXPRESSLY TO RECEIVE HER PHOTO. PRESENTED HERE FOR YOUR CONFUSED AMUSEMENT.
"38-year-old housewife seeking a little excitement and a scenario that runs thusly. You (any age, any race) meet my husband in the hotel parking lot. He brings all 8 of you to our room. You all fuck me all at once, take turns fucking me, beat me up, piss in my mouth, cum on my face, spit on me, fuck my ass and my pussy at the same time, verbally abuse me, treat me like a pig for as long as you can keep it up.
One last thing: NO MARRIED MEN cuz I just don't play that.
Email a photo of your cock to missjoykitty@yahoo.com"
BILLY BOB THORNTON REPORTEDLY “GIVES NOT A FUCK” THAT EX-EFFEXOR CASE OF HOMEBITCH ADOPTS A SKINNY IN GROTESQUE CASE OF ETHICAL EGOISM.
"I AM A MULTIMILLIONAIRE. NOW GIVE ME YOUR PICKANINNIES!!!"
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- BILLY BOB THORNTON, certified pimp motherfucker and SkullGame enthusiast, told reporters Tuesday afternoon that he “couldn’t give half a fuck about what a bitch does with his alimony payment after she’s already huffed down Brad Pitt’s dong and fucked her own brother”—adding, “dry-humping HALLE BERRY was a hell of a better way to spend a day than counting ANGELINA's meds and tying her to the goddamn water heater for days on end.”
Jolie, who adopted the orphaned Zahara Marley last month, could not be reached for comment as she was supposedly too busy reading Ayn Rand and justifying her own filthy rich existence by answering Feed The Children junk mail in some futile attempt to make the upper 1% look like it gives a shit about the bottom 99.
“I’m not even going to act like I care about what’s going on in Sub-Saharan Africa, what with all the pussy, drugs, and royalty checks I’m swimming in day after day,” Thornton remarked from his southern California mansion that is decorated with the hides of former charity cases. “Angelina is a little more deluded; she thinks that if she takes some spare change every week and buys these kids graham crackers that somebody, somewhere, will actually go watch that piece of shit movie she just did with her new faggot of a boyfriend. Me? I’m a bit more of a realist.” To which he then slipped in a DVD of Ducktales and proceeded to laugh maniacally.
When asked to comment on Jolie’s new tabloid love interest, Thornton said “She only gives head for the first 6 weeks or so anyhow, just like the rest of those whores, and then it’s all about talking and shit. I think he’ll do fine, seeing as how he’s half-a-homo anyhow. I mean, if you can put up with somebody who used to be on Friends for years and years then I’m sure you are enough of a pussy to deal with Angelina’s charade.”
“Rail?”
TOM "SLAPPY" SIZEMORE EVEN WONDERS WHY HE AIN'T IN JAIL YET.
"THIS IS FROM MY NEW VIDEO. IT'S CALLED I'M FUCKING YOU RIGHT NOW! IT'S GREEEATTTT...."
Troubled actor TOM SIZEMORE is battling a rare medical condition that leaves him sexually insatiable. A quality that has his potential cellmates at Soledad beside themselves with ass-raping joy. The star was recently diagnosed with priapism, which doctors believe could have been caused by years of alcohol and drug abuse. Either that or the steady supply of high caliber ginch afforded by being a rich sonuvabitch.
Sizemore's manager says, "He can have sex nine times without stopping. Which is under par for the average Hollywood type who's fucking everyone...out of everything....as often as possible. His condition explains his sexual addiction. He's in the midst of a massive depression, what with having to fuck all the time, being rich and taking all the drugs he can shovel in his piehole, but he's making tremendous progress. Especially if by progress you mean fucking all the time, being rich and taking all the drugs he can shovel in his piehole."
Tucker claims Sizemore's addiction prompted the actor to rig video cameras up around his house, which for the past three years have documented his activities with a string of women he has lured back to his California pad. Three such tapes have been allegedly stolen and are expected to be released on the www.skullgame.com.
CALLING ALL MEXICANS!!! CALLING ALL MEXICANS!!! WITH OR WITHOUT BMX BIKES!!!
"Hello. My name is JENNIFER STEELE and hot on the whorish heels of my highly touted art installation entitled MY ALL MIDGET GANGBANG, I am bringing forth to you...an all-Mexican gangbang!!! Well I guess all-Mexican except for me. Anyways, the movie is slated to shoot in L.A. in mid-August and I'm seeking Mexicans to come give me the hardest pounding of my life. Be they bus boys, gardeners, pool jockeys, arugala pickers, painters, those guys with the little ice cream carts with the bells on them or just the guys with the bags of oranges standing by the freeway offramp. I will fuck them all. Since I've been going to all these conventions, I have to say all the Mexican fans stopping by my booth are so hot I want to throw them down on my table right then and there. And I don't mean Latino. I mean full-blown fucking MEXICANS! With the goddamned sobreros and everything Mexicans! I want names like Hector, Paco, and Angel to be fucking me every which way possible. I want descendants of over-the-border, strawberry pickers and auto-mechanics bending my ass over and calling me Mami while they all violate my various orifices."
Submissions should be sent with photo and contact info to jennifersteele69@hotmail.com. All gangbangers will be tested by AIM HealthCare.
SKULLGAME'S SERIOUS SEX POSITIVE SKANK DISCUSSION--PORN: BOON OR BANE?
YEAH YEAH, BABY. I 100 % PERCENT UNDERSTAND ALL OF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING...
SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) -- In a recent tete a tete, SkullGame's pajandrum VINNIE ROSE debated the benefits of heterosexual porn with a sex positive feminist who while willing to debate didn't want to contribute to "the sewer that is SkullGame," by having her name appear in print here; a decision that you can be sure we'll honor, MS. ANN OSMOND.
ANN OSMOND: Yes. I understand the attractions to erotic materials but it seems overridingly negative to me and distorts ideas of what should occur between men and women.
VINNIE ROSE: You're 100 % right. I've felt that for a long time myself.
AO: Really? But you're like Mr. SkullGame!
VR: Baby, I just do that for the money [shut the fuck up...DON'T laugh!!! I'm working here!!!--Editor].
AO: Well anyway [picking up and into a righteously indignant quasi-lesbo rage], I'm just not so sure that pornography is all that good for women.
VR: I'm not so sure that HETEROSEXUALITY is good for women. Knuckled under to the psychic and emotional dictates of men who are half as smart as you and twice as unworthy. It's...it's DISGUSTING.
AO: YES! That's exactly what I've been thinking. What are you doing?
VR: I just hate what we've been driven to do. [rising while clutching crotch.] I hate it so much. So much that I'm going to PUNISH myself via the hated organ that stands between you and me and harmony. Ooooooo....I hate it soooooo much. I'm going to strangle IT!!! No!!! NO!!! I can't!!! But I must!!! LOOK, LOOK, how it's fighting me!!! Help me!!! You grab it too!!! Oh, oh, OHHHHH...look out it!!!! It's going for your FACE!!!! AGGGHHHHHH....Jesus. Fucking Shit. I...I...think we won....Did it spit in your face? The truly last act of a desperately doomed organ. But together we, you and me, womyn and man, have conquered our gender-based biases and emerged stronger. And prouder. And more sleepy and in need of a beer and a sandwich. Which it'd be great if you could get for me on your way out sister!
STRIKING ANOTHER BLOW AGAINST THE MAN!!!
