The Las Vegas Tourism Board would like you to think that any and all of your time in the City of Silent Secrets will be spent pulling up to the bumper of said like sluts.
HI. WE'RE SAID LIKE SLUTS. NOTE: OUR PROTUBERANCES.
Or knocking back in their copious lakeside Fellatio Fun Parks
THE FANTASY? THE GIRL KNEELING. THE REALITY? THE GUY IN THE WHITE T-SHIRT
But the awful and stunning reality of our time in Vegas is that NOTHING is free. ESPECIALLY your fucking fun. So to sum up: we went to Vegas and all we got was this lousy high-priced hooker. Man, oh, man. What a fucking rip.
NO. YOU CAN'T HAVE A FREE REFILL. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
UFC 49: UNFINISHED BUSINESS IS, IN FACT, QUITE FINISHED
NO. NO, IT ISN'T. HEY??! WHERE YOU GOING?!?!
LAS VEGAS (SkullGame) -- You can go to our good friends at www.sherdog.com for the actual blow-by-blow because in true and inimitable SKULLGAME fashion we're just going to go right for the throat.
MOST LIKELY TO STILL BE SUFFERING FROM TOTAL HOMO PANIC: PHIL "THE NEW YORK ASS" BARONI
MOST FUCKING RIDICULOUS THING SAID AFTER BEING KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT: "Well, for some reason the refs saw it fit to stop the fight." -- MATT "THE LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURNS" LINDLAND
MOST SKILLFUL TURNING OF 12,000 FANS INTO 12,000 ENEMIES: MIKE "FUCK ALL Y'ALL BITCHES" KYLE
MOST ASS-KICKINGLY PERFECT ASS KICKING: Three Way Tie For LAST Say Hello to MR. LINDLAND, MR. WHITE and MR. THOMSON
DON'T LET THE BADLY FOCUSED PHOTO FOOL YOU: 100 PERCENT PURE MAN HATER
All in all the most PERFECT UFC we have ever seen. We mean outside of our inability to bag previously referenced ring girl due to her apparent lesbianism.
AND BACK IN TINSELTOWN: BRITNEY SPEARS ADMITS TO DILDO SUCKAGE
AND HERE WE THOUGHT IT WAS SHIT SHE WAS SUCKING ON: BRITNEY PHOTOGRAPHED WITH RANDOM OBJECT STUCK TO HER LIPS
LONDON (SkullGame) -- BRITNEY SPEARS, in the midst of her complete and totally pathological inability to stop foisting herself on our fucking lives, left British TV host SIMON AMSTELL speechless and fearful for his very sanity during a recent interview. When he asked her in a fun free association where innocent questions are matched with harmless answers, what the last thing she'd had in her mouth was, she replied: "A dildo."
Simon tells SKULLGAME: "I was doing this interview with Britney and I had my usual set of silly questions. I thought her answer would be something like chicken escalope. Anyway, her people stepped in and cut that bit out. I feel soiled."
You are Simon. You are.
KILL CRAZY CUNT STILL SPRUNG LIKE A CHICKEN ON THAT SAMOAN SAUSAGE
"ONCE YOU GO PACIFIC ISLANDER, BABY, YOU DON'T GO BACK TO NOT KILLING PEOPLE AND SHIT," SAYS THE INNOCENT COCK HOUND.
SEATTLE (SkullGame) -- Cradle-robbing sex scandal teacher MARY KAY LETOURNEAU threatened to kill her boy lover when she found out in prison that he was seeing other girls. An occurrence she well better get the fuck used to what on account of him being like 18 and all.
An in-depth SKULLGAME investigation has uncovered shocking documents written by the Seattle teacher that reveal her murderous, sluttish rage. "This is not a small-time love crime -- I'll find my way over the fence here and shoot him myself," Mary Kay rages in a jailhouse letter to Faavae Fualaau, the older brother of her baby-faced Romeo, Vili Fualaau.
"Don't let any foreign ho' bitches in the house. They can't look at and play with our beautiful babies and then think they can ride the cock that created them. "Enough of that, tell him 'Recess is over.'" The sex-crazed teacher complains to Faavae that she's "doing time" for Vili and although she doesn't expect him to "forget he has a penis" there are "other ways" to get sexual gratification without having intercourse.
Like blowjobs. Thousands and thousands of blowjobs delivered by the waiting and longing lips of a succession of suburban schoolteachers who are NOT insane.
