THE OFFICIAL SKULLGAME "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP" MOTHER'S DAY CARD
THE MORE YOU CRY, THE ANGRIER I GET
BRITNEY'S GRANDMOTHER MADONNA ADVISES HER ON NEW BOYFRIEND. AND SUCKING TECHNIQUES. BUT MOSTLY SUCKING TECHNIQUES.
THEY HATE ME BECAUSE I SUCK. ISN'T THAT A GOOD THING THOUGH, GRANDMA?
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Pop parasite BRITNEY SPEARS whose 15 minutes of fame have eked into double double fucking overtime has recently taken the counsel of her grandmother MADONNA...on matters of the heart.
And fellatio. But mostly fellatio.
Spears is so shaken by scathing and wholly justified criticism of her current European tour, that she's flown her new dancer boyfriend 5,000 miles from Los Angeles to be by her side, despite revelations that Kevin Federline's long-term girlfriend is seven months pregnant.
A spokesperson for Spears said "She thought Madonna might, in a really grandmotherly way, be able to advise her on the finer points of homewrecking and cocksucking."
YES. A VERY GOOD THING, DEAR. NOW COME GIVE GRANDMA A HOT LESBO KISS
"She was desperate to see Kevin. She had totally fallen for him and her aides are concerned that she is very distracted from her 'work' of sucking as a result of the relationship that she'd forget the finer points of man stealing: like gobbling good cock. Her grandmother's assistance was invaluable. Priceless. Some would say even pratically worthless."
SKULLGAME'S NEWEST IRREGULARLY OCCURRING FEATURE: ASK A GUY WHO HATES YOU
YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT SHIRT YOU'RE WEARING. ASSHOLE.
DEAR "GUY WHO HATES YOU": I am a huge fan of the site. Love the whole EXPLOITED MOM thing you got going because I actually have a "Mom" question. My friend’s Mom has been hinting at some R-Rated fun, if you know what I mean. Do I take my friend’s Mom up on her obvious advances, possibly ruining a 10 year friendship, or preserve the friendship and ignore the woman’s advances?--Mr. Robinson ;-) (by email)
OH JIMMY! YOU SURPRISED ME! WELL NOW HOW ABOUT SCRUBBING MY BACK FAT? UMMMM....NICEEEE...
DEAR DOUCHE: Way to tie in the whole "Exploited Mom" thing. I guess you assumed that by somehow differentiating yourself as a fan of the site my answer to you would be somehow less vitriolic.
Wrong. Fuck face.
First and foremost, "R-Rated fun"? What the fuck are you being coy for? No one knows who you are. I should publish your email [getze@buckwildstatus.com--VINNIE] on general principle.
But back to your question: My friend’s Mom boohoo. Listen to yourself will you? Are you a half a fag or what? Don’t answer that. If she looks good, fuck her. Do you think this wrinkled old fuck is sick enough to let her queer bait son in on who she’s getting tapped by?
I doubt it.
This old broad has been most likely fucking since way before you were even someone else's semen, so I am quite sure that your sexual "prowess" will not suddenly dislodge a passion in her that will have her telling anyone who will listen, her son included, what a wonderful lay you were and how she plans to run off to Vegas where you will both marry post haste.
Get a hold of yourself Pal. Bone the old broad and be done with it.
Oh yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice the Mrs. Robinson reference. If you were indeed "Mr. Robinson" you would be the old ladies' husband, not the Dustin Hoffman character. Leave the obscure, witty references to the professionals, okay? Douchebag.
LENNY KRAVITZ'S MOM, WHEN HE COULD REMEMBER WHO THE FUCK SHE WAS, KEPT HIM HUMBLE
OH I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING: HE'S GOING TO FUCK THESE BROADS. WELL I ALREADY FUCKED THEM. NOW TO GIVE THEM THE SLIPPEDY SLIP SLIP
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- LENNY KRAVITZ learned humility, very, very, very badly, from his mother at an early age when she refused to hire a maid even though she was one of the biggest stars in America.
Kravitz's mom, whose name might be Roxie Roker, according to Kravitz who says he's not sure and who when he's not playing ersatz rock and roll in order to nail broads is actually nailing broads, was the star, or something, of '70s sitcom "The Jeffersons" but at home she was just "Mom," who scrubbed floors like everybody else, while Kravitz stretched out on his bed, huffed muggles and plucked away tunelessly to Beatles' songs.
Kravitz recalls, "Even when my mom was really rolling, we didn't have a maid. I'd wake up early at 2 p.m. and find my mom scrubbing the bathroom on her hands and knees and I'd say, 'Yo, Mom, you missed a spot. Say, why don't you just get a maid? Like a really sexy French one or something?'
"She'd look at me and say, 'Whose house is this?' I'd say, 'It's yours.' And she'd say, 'Well, that's my bathroom and I'm gonna scrub the floor.' And I say 'whatever.'"
