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"WHO'S A FAGGOT?!?!" "YOU TALKING TO ME?!?" AND OF COURSE, THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?"
ALL FUCKING THINGS CONSIDERED: GODDAMNED CRAZY BITCHES
WHATTSMATTA? YOU GAY?!?!? S'ALRIGHT...I BLOW LOTS OF GAY DUDES!!!
AMERICA (SkullGame) -- In this age of faux modesty, faux jewelry and faux pas, it's good to have girls around who remind us that absolutely, positively NOT giving a shit isn't the sole province of drunk dudes with cocaine problems and crackheads. Much more than a sop to gender equality the women, known from here on out as GODDAMNED CRAZY BITCHES manage, because of their relative lack of brawn, to be much more devilishly cunning in their total level of running-from- the-cops sort of insanity. Much more property damagingly inventive. Much more completely car crashingly creative. Hence our tribute to the GODDAMNED CRAZY BITCH.
THE CRAP-ASS SINGER NAMED JEWEL
I "JUST" "LOVE" HER "MUSIC". AND HER BIG ASS TAY TAYS. BUT MOSTLY HER BIG ASS TAY TAYS
She sings crap-ass songs and she is a crap-ass singer who knows her way around a stunt. Or 10.
Witness: Jewel going on a tirade and insulting and poking fun at fat people and other audience members with no teeth at the same show where she asked the audience to yell requests and then told them to "shut the fuck up. Look why don't you just stop looking at my fucking trailer park teeth and look long and lingeringly at my breasts. Like EVERYONE else."
Whoa whoa whoa. Is there some confusion as to why she's here to begin with? We hope the fuck not, Titty.
ANTOINETTE ATHERTON: STABBY STABBY STABBY
NOTHING SAYS SANITY LIKE A SHIRT THAT MISSPELLS "TROUBLEMAKER"
She stabbed her immediate boyfriend after us with an icepick. The provocation was apparently an errant compliment. "I told him that if he told me one more time how 'hot' I looked that I was going to stab him. And I did." She was ejected from school and was in total "shocked" that everyone "made such a goddamned big deal about it."
Yeah, baby.
COURTNEY LOVE: GUILTY. AGAIN.
I AM ELMER J. FUDD. I OWN A MANSION AND A YACHT. OR AT LEAST I USED TO
Multimillionairess murderer, rock "star" COURTNEY LOVE pleaded guilty Tuesday to a misdemeanor count of being under the influence of a controlled substance and agreed to enter a drug rehabilitation program. Love was initially arrested after allegedly trying to break into the home of a former boyfriend. After being released, officers responding to a call from Love, went to her home and screaming and shouting she gave them a small bag of pills, according to a police officer's testimony.
However when the judge asked for her plea, the amusingly named Love whispered "Guilty," to which a laughing courtroom responded in unison:
"YOU THINK?!?!"
STEPHANIE TORRES: BALDILOCKS!!!
YOU LIKE MY HAIR? REALLY? REALLY?!?! NO. REALLY?!?!
Oh yes, I, ITALIAN SAL, have been a fan of crazy bitches for as long as I can remember. Oh yeah, how I love to come home to some bitch's hair, unceremoniously shorn from her own head with a pair of cooking shears. Yeah that’s the life: waking up itching like a motherfucker next to some half-bald lunatic who says she’s "depressed" while all along fucking all your friends in a way that leads you to believe that it is in fact you who should be depressed.
Yeah, that’s the life…
What’s this about again?
Crazy Bitches?
No, I don’t know any crazy bitches…
No, not me…no crazy girls…none at all…nope.
MARIAH CAREY: HORRIBLE IN ALL FOUR FUCKING OCTAVES
MARES EAT OATS AND DOES EAT OATS AND LITTLE LAMBS EAT IVY
She calls her fans "my lambs."
DOMONIQUE SIMONE: I AM NOT ON DRUGS!!!
DRUG FREE, LOVING IT!!!!AND PISSING IN THE POOL.
Calling at 5 A.M. to let us know that she was NOT on drugs wasn't enough. Staggering around the Fairmont hotel at midnight the night before, false eyelashes dangling from the ends of her eyes like fucking commas wasn't enough. Getting busted driving over to our place the next day WITH the dealer after we expressly said NOT to come wasn't even enough. Stalking Samuel L. Jackson, well that was enough. He's a bad motherfucker. And so is she. Plus she can deep throat SEAN MICHAELS.
Nuff Goddamned Said.
