"I like the way it calms me down while it lifts me up." -- SKULLGAME Associate HABIB on a slow news day.
HABIB MERE MOMENTS BEFORE BEING LIFTED UP.
COURTNEY LOVE IMPERSONATOR CHANTAL CLARET BE LOVING THE LIQUOR. AND COCK.
AN ENDURING MODERN CONUNDRUM: THE FAT CRACKHEAD
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- As though one drug-achieving pseudo celeb wasn't enough, darling of the New York art world, daughter of the darling of the New York art world, and hefty singer for crapband MORNINGWOOD, named largely after stiff cock, CHANTAL CLARET has been staining our lives with repeated appearances all over the place where drugs and booze are served. “The people who come to our shows are pretty rabid,” Chantal says. “Girls take their clothes off, get onstage, and I get to slap a few asses. To me, that is the most amazing thing ever!”
Almost as amazing as the fact that thusfar she's avoided the all-too-inevitable time in the docket and sobriquet: DEFENDANT.
Give it time. Give it time.
MONICA BELLUCI: AN AEROSOL HUFFER SPEAKS OUT ON THE JOYS OF DONOR SPERM
IT IS CUSTOMARY, BEFORE INHALING JANITOR IN A DRUM, TO WASH ONE'S BREASTS THOROUGHLY
MILAN (SkullGame) -- MONICA BELLUCCI, star of the MATRIX and DRACULA, has recently decided to use her new-found drug-borne self-awareness to fully explore her lint closet, as well as the prospect of motherhood. "I was tired of my body," she said in advance of her fourth nap of the last 10 minutes. "I found it ridiculous that my breasts and stomach should still be the same as they were when I was 18 and even though I had lived and changed, my body had not. I realized that my breasts were not just made to fill evening gowns, that it was time for them to fulfill their destiny."
As a cock cozy?
TARA REID: THE MEDIUM IS THE METH
THINGS TO DO TODAY: GET HIGH, STAY HIGH
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Sub-Celebrity slut TARA REID, known mostly for her uncanny ability to simultaneously generate press while making people forget that she's done nothing TO generate any press, is well on her way to transforming herself into a PARIS HILTON clone.
Reid, who recently had breast implants, also had $2,500 hair extensions put in and dyed her hair white-blond at Vered, the same L.A. salon Hilton frequents. Can porn, meth and a nation of chronic masturbators be very far behind?
No. No they cannot.
ALEX BRAUN: NAZI COLLABORATOR OR CUM GURU?
I AM GAY. AND GERMAN. DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
CHATSWORTH (SkullGame) -- Award-winning director AXEL BRAUN has made a sex documentary, SQUIRTING 101, which is designed to teach you, in an exercise that boggles the mind in its total squeezing the joy out of life fashion, how to make every girl ejaculate.
"It's sexy, it's funny, and it's also very educational," explains gay, escaped Nazi war criminal Dr. BRAUN, who also happens to hold a Ph.D. in psychology from Chatsworth Community College and recently snagged Best Director from The Adam Film World Awards. "Over the years I have taught a lot of women how to squirt through proper and joyless stimulation of their G-spot, but most times they were only able to do it with me... And I'm GAY! So now I decided to teach the guys my technique!"
The world thanks you Herr Braun. Ich weiss das nicht warum aber OK. Danke Schoen.
