BUT FIRST: A few minutes out to welcome this the newest addition to the little dysfunctional SkullGame family, JUDGE ROY BEAN, a no sterner judge of human character, and porn, has ever existed who refers to himself in third person. While some men run, Bean walks, and while some men walk, Bean stalks. But we'll let him tell it.
"Earlier this afternoon I visited a local pool hall and managed to walk away $55 richer and 4 drinks happier; I felt just like Tom Cruise in The Color of Money.
The night before last I drank a bit too much and pissed the bed for the first time in nearly 20 years; I felt just like Tom Cruise in Cocktail.
Judge Roy Bean stands behind a podium fashioned from indignity. In his off-time you can find him grinding in "Feast of Herod," being audally obnoxious in "War of a Jigsaw Pattern," petting goats with the utmost sincerity, and loving you in spite of your shortcomings."
SKULLGAME "HAZING" TAKES A PREDICTABLE TURN TOWARD ASS POLITICS
And for your edification: THE LIFE CYCLE OF A SKULLGAME WRITER!!!!
Day 1: "Oh! GREAT! A bunch of free porn to review!"
Day 5: "OH...great. A bunch of...free porn to review."
Day 12: "oh...great...a bunch of...free porn to review that I can add to that which I have already not reviewed but need to and now VINNIE is publicly listing my place of work and calling me a GAY EXPERT in print.
Welcome to the fucking family.
Prick.
HEROIN VS. HEALTH FOOD: AND WE HAVE A WINNER...
HEROIN. DEFINITELY.
CASA SKULL FRIDAY NITE (SkullGame) -- Oh, relax. He's all fucking better now.
SEE? I'M FINE. NOTE TO SELF: KEEP ALL & SUNDRY COMMENTS ABOUT OLIVIA TO MY GODDAMNED SELF.
T MINUS 24 DAYS & COUNTING TO ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S TOTALLY HOOVERPHONIC EXAMINATION OF NUTSACKS & FILMIC EVIDENCE THEREOF ON SKULLGAME.COM
I'M READY FOR MY CUMSHOT, MR. DeMILLE
HASHVILLE (SkullGame) -- Busty and busted bitch model ANNA NICOLE SMITH left onlookers open-mouthed at Nashville, Tenn.'s Grand Ole Opry when she flashed the most over-exposed pair o'dig-dugs this side of MADONNA, but this time added a new drug-addled twist: her stained thong underwear.
The "reality" TV "star" was busy showing off her inept and dogheadedly arrhythmic "dance" "skills" at the famous country music haunt on Saturday when she opted to break away from her "partner" and launch into a drug-fueled improvised solo routine.
Crowdmembers looked on in disbelief as the other famous Texan unleashed a series of eye-catching moves. Eye-catching, retina-searing, whatever.
One witness tells SkullGame, "She was on stage. Dancing. It...it was horrible. She was shimmying her gelatinous heft around, shaking her titties, and lifted up her skirt in some sort of square-dance-can-can crackhead move and gave the audience a view of her panties. We thought they were just brown in the back and yellow in the front. Until it dawned on us simultaneously exactly what the fuck was going on. At this point such as we thought the horror could not possibly increase, she stuck her butt out at the audience and lifted her skirt again. It was at this point that her boob popped out."
In what's becoming a monthly ritual as reliable as the swallows coming back to Capistrano, the titanic-titted tart recently "stunned" Australia when she bared her breasts at the MTV Video Music Awards in Sydney.
Ho hum.
ASHTON KUTCHER PUNKS HIS PENIS TO PERFORM PRICK STUNTS SOUNDLY REJECTED BY HOSTS OF OTHER WISED UP MEN
VIAGRA: IT HELPS ME TO HELP HER TO HELP ME
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Ashton Kutcher has deny, deny, denied rumors he's hooked like a crackhead junkie on Viagra, but admits he has tried the drug once or 30 times. "I...I tried it, sure, but I'm not addicted," he told SkullGame. "I don't have a hard-on now sitting with you manly men what with your muscley arms and all. I just took it a few times recreationally to get over hetero jitters. It's illegal [without prescription], much like Viks, Oxy, Soma, valium, pharmaceutical grade cocaine, ketamine and, um...other drugs I know nothing about...."
WHEN YOU NEED TO TRICK YOUR PENIS INTO SEX WITH A WOMAN LIKE DEMI MOORE: VIAGRA.
SKULLGAME ENTERS THE NFL DRAFT & COMES UP WITH FOUR WINNERS
LT IN A MOMENT OF STUNNING CRACK EXCESS EXHORTING HIS TEAMMATES ON THE GIANTS GIRL'S LACROSSE TEAM TO "TAKE IT DOWN THE MIDDLE. AWROOG!"
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- The combines are finished, the picks have been picked and here we stand on MONDAY, older and a little bit wiser. Forthwith the SKULLGAME GUIDE TO PICKING PLAYERS.
Through exhaustive research it's been suggested that there are only FOUR BASIC male archetypes that should rule your pick process.
TOUGH GUYS
BILL ROMANOWSKI & HIS LESBIAN WIFE
These are guys that we are perfectly willing to kill.
SMART GUYS
ANDRE RISON HEADING BACK TO JAIL. NOT COLLECTING $200.
These are guys trying to become TOUGH GUYS.
GOOD GUYS
POLISH PRINCE SEBASTIAN JANIKOWSKI: HIGH ON LIFE!!!
These are guys who, with great regularity chase pussy your way, put cash in your pocket or get you high. Score a trifecta for the rare cat that does all three. At once.
FAGS
KOBE 'WHITE BUTT BANDIT' BRYANT
'Nuff said.
Armed with scribble sheets full of sprint times, injury reports and rap sheets SkullGame still finds the above register the most reliable in terms of making picks that will win. And shit.
ON WEDNESDAY: PORN GOSSIP GALORE!!!
"KISSING MY ASS GOODBYE....." WHAT IS: CARLY FROM PORNBLOGRAPHY, ALEX?
