Well, we weren't too sure when Cinco De Mayo was and we didn't know what it was about or even why it's celebrated but we figured it had something to do with swimming and sandwich toppings and so here it is, the official Mexican Culture Day celebration of all things Mexican: HAPPY-O CINCO-O DE-O MAYO-O!!!
OUR FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT, MARIA ELENA, AT POOLSIDE ABOUT TO CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAY OF SWIMMING MEXICANS
BRITNEY SMOKES THE DOPE, THE DOPES SMOKE
YOU GOT TO HAVE THE DOUGH…OR BE READY TO GET THEM KNEES DIRTY
AMSTERDAM (SkullGame) – Twinkie-eating, pickle juice drinking slattern and “singer” BRITNEY SPEARS has been rolling bones with boyfriend Kevin Federline in Amsterdam, Holland.
The pop superstar told regulars, passersby, and complete fucking strangers at The Bulldog coffee shop in Amsterdam, where marijuana use is legal, that she enjoyed pot smoking, according to American magazine In Touch.
One customer, Marc Van Der Vlies, told reporters, "Britney was smoking a joint, for sure. She was in a very good mood. She said to Kevin, 'I love the smell of it, it's really awesome.' Then she asked if some guy across the room was a cop. She seemed to think he looked like a cop. She was pretty sure he was a cop. And then she started crying. The whole thing was strangely, very much like her music: a total fucking buzzkill."
MITCHELL SPINELLI: A GREAT MEXICAN!!!
OLE!!!
SAN FERNANDO VALLEY (SkullGame) -- His goddamned name is one of those legacy porn names that if you're even the slightest bit conversant with porn and where it’s been the last 30 years you’ve already heard it.
Spinelli. Spinelli. Yeah, yeah. First, Anthony (brother of character actor great Jack Weston) the father, and now the son, former 17-year-old wunderkind and screenwriter for the Dad, and now the proprietor of ACID RAIN.
But what the hell is he doing on SKULLGAME? With VINNIE ROSE, no less?
Talking shit and pimping the fuck out of the ACID RAIN line which, if history is any indicator, is going to do for Gonzo what his Dad did for big-budget art-house porn: make it all a little bit smarter, faster, and better than anyone else.
Oh YEAH? YEAH!!!
SkullGame: So uh, you’re actually not Italian is that right? You’re a proud son of Mexico?
Mitchell Spinelli: Ah, no. I mean that’s not quite right. I’m Jewish.
SG: That’s what the fuck I meant. I knew that. ITALIAN SAL does our research for us, especially if by research you mean “smoking marijuana” and so sometimes…
MS: Say no more.
SG: So some might say that it’s just a craven cash grab on your part though that you’re now doing Gonzo porn versus the high-tone shit that you were known for? Like you’re slumming or something.
MS: These are people who don’t know much about gonzo then. Gonzo might seem easier logistically but it’s driven by instinct and it’s definitely a discipline. There are no $300-400,000 budgets anymore. No exotic locations. The star system has changed and Gonzo is more driven by good, strong male leads. You know, dudes who can show some direction. And there are no stories to speak of, but the hardest part to fake and that’s because we’ve got this pretty educated consumer now, is the intensity, the roughness, the reality of it. You gotta feel the dirt. People won’t buy the fake. They want the real. And real sells.
AVA DEVINE AT FEEDING TIME
SG: So that’s it? Make it real and they will, so to speak, come?
MS: Well that’s a big job because you can’t fake the real. So the talent is important. Not only the dudes like I was saying but obviously the women too. I was thinking the other day like where do these new pornstars find the time. They show up at 18 and they’re doing double anal. In the old days ANAL was a big deal. But you seen our movies though. What do YOU think?
SG: Well I dug STACK EM' DEEP but CORNHOLIO didn’t like your use of an undercover tranny in GIVE ME GAPE #1.
MS: Whatever. The point is this: We want to get where ANABOLIC is. Where RED LIGHT is. Where ZERO TOLERANCE is. I want to get us to the top.
SG: And we SALUTE you for making the nation of Mexico proud of one of its native sons
PARIS HILTO TO LAUNCH SINGING CAREER
ME, ME, ME, ME, ME…C’MON. I’M JUST WARMING UP!!!
NEVERNEVERLAND (SkullGame) -- Pop homo and hater of all things musical JC Chasez predicts sexy hotel heiress PARIS HILTON is destined for a glittering career in something other than cock sucking and fucking on videotape, namely music -- after being stunned by her rock chick vocals.
The former 'N Sync singer offered his assholish and ill-informed opinion on Paris' solo recordings in a vain effort to score some well used pussy after she invited him to “swap” ideas about her upcoming release, which is a lot like asking Hitler to contribute to a Jew charity.
The singer says "I'm not recording with Paris. No, no, no, a thousand times, no, but I've talked to her about ideas for her record. Her first song's gonna surprise a lot of people. Let's just say she's a rock 'n' roll girl! And I don’t mean that in any kind of a way that could possibly be construed in a positive way. "
SINGING A TUNE SHE KNOWS ALL TOO WELL
He adds, "I'm proud of her for being brave enough to do it, because she knows she's going to stand under a microscope and everybody's going to scrutinize the hell out of her. But at least this time, there’ll be no facial cumshot."
