BUT FIRST this devotional message from JUDGE ROY BEAN: WHAT MY DAYS AT SKULLGAME HAVE TAUGHT ME...
TO NOT EXPOSE MY ASS TO AN ARMENIAN IN LAS VEGAS....
...Or even buy a radio from an Armenian. That Armenians lie about things. Like radios. And massacres. And shit. Like the Jews. I have learned that Mexicans & Negroes are prone to knife carrying. That only dopes without friends do their own dope. That chins are made for loads. And finally that I am a racist, a mysogynist, a homophobe, a blasphemer.
All it took was just a little encouragement.
I am a man. A terrible man. A man that is quite afraid of lightning lately-- but a man so terrible that I'm sure, when it comes, it will come from my feet and meet the sky halfway.
What does this mean? It means that I'm on fire, though not as much as I one day will be.
Truly,
JUDGE ROY BEAN
ps...DEAR BABY JESUS... could you steer something with BIG TITS my way? Soon? Like in the next 30 minutes? So I don't have to pay the Pakistani for a room at Motel 6? Speaking of which DEAR BABY JESUS...could you maybe get me an upgrade to MANDALAY BAY? I'd be eternally grateful, if so.
THANK YOU SKULLGAME!!!
My name is DAPHNE ROSEN. And before I started fucking with SKULLGAME I looked like this:
WELL, CORNHOLIO TELLS ME HE LIKES ME JUST THE WAY I AM....WORKING. ON MY BACK. AND PAYING HIM. BUT MOSTLY JUST PAYING HIM.
But after months of snide asides, withering criticism, and a diet rich in loads I look like this:
GOD BLESS YOU SKULLGAME!!!
Now stop following me around. Before I call a cop.
LINDSAY LOHAN CROSSES THRESHOLDS OF TOLERANCE BY COMPLAINING ABOUT MORE THAN ONE THING IN ONE DAY WHILE SKULLGAME PROFESSIONALS IRON PIMP GLOVES AND CONSULT INTERNAL SCALES; ATTRIBUTES IRRITABILITY TO LACK OF COCAINE AND STRUGGLING AGAINST BECOMING THE FAT BITCH WE ALL KNOW SHE IS ON THE INSIDE. JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORTS
“OVERTLY PRIVILEGED UPPITY SLUTS HAVE FEELINGS, Y’KNOW? AND FISH ARE PEOPLE TOO”, CALISTA FLOCKHART STATES BETWEEN CHEWS OF PAN-ASIAN CUISINE AND CONSPICUOUSLY FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE TOILET; ONLY TO RETURN APPEARING SLIGHTLY GREEN AROUND THE GILLS WHILE PROCEEDING TO TALK WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR OUR OWN GOOD.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Bitching up a bitch-storm so tempestuous as to whisk away her once very load worthy breasticles, recently outsourced scarecrow NICOLE RICHIE…err…PARIS HILTON…err…LINDSAY LOHAN…err…some whore or the other, sat down with Vanity Fair this month to discuss the trials and tribulations of making a cool 10 million before being of legal age to bear our skirted responsibilities; eliciting what experts project to be a record lack of pity from any-fucking-one, any-fucking-where.
Lohan incessantly whined about everything from the stress resulting from having more jewelry than anyone outside of Murray Lender would possibly know what to do with to her failed relationships with Hollywood celebrities that just happened to run into JESSICA ALBA one night—saying such led her to a life of obsessing over her body image and developing a fondness for cocaine; two characteristics that have never been ascribed to rich cunts ever before.
The reported bemoaning was practiced to such a degree that a projected 70% of women in the greater Boston area fell victim to domestic violence shortly thereafter when, seemingly, their suitors had not yet drank in that day, nor had they neglected to fix dinner, nor had they stood in front of the TV while the Patriots played—leaving one Doug Flutie to hypothesize a conspiracy about the results of the ’86 World Series being relayed and replayed subliminally throughout the airwaves during the hours proceeding what has been described as a “vulgar display of the Irish”.
Lohan’s publicist supposedly attempted to share the blow with Vanity Fair editors in exchange for them not running this particular segment of their article, which just happens to include topless photos that were surely done in the name of “art” and are in no way indicative of the end results of real hoes getting real high. When reached for comment, Lohan explained her stance regarding her sordid past being printed by stating, “it’s not really an addiction until you run out…and my friends think I deserve it…and God says it’s ‘okay’. I haven’t even been to Van Nuys yet.”
"I'M YOUR BABY TONIGHT, BABY!" WHITNEY HOUSTON'S STREET CRI DE COEUR
"WOO HOOOOOO....OH. SHIT. HEY BABY. HEY BABY?!? YOU HOLDING?!?! HAHAHA....NIGGA....!!!"
ATLANTA (SkullGame) -- WHITNEY HOUSTON's health and state of mind have once again today come under the spotlight once again after an unflattering picture of the R&B singer once again was printed by the National Enquirer.
The "star" was photographed as she "walked" to a garage near her home in Atlanta, looking ravaged and unkempt, while actually being ravaged and unkempt and wearing her pajamas and a $54,000 fur coat citing "all the kids are doing it. Nigga. Suck your dick?"
A passing motorist comments, "She was like a bag lady in an expensive coat. She looked horrible. She sucked my dick. Then she didn't look so bad."
Houston was ordered into rehab last year following a court order bidding to curb her drug misuse, but her fans hope she is on the road to recovery after spending time recording in the studio.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
Oh. We mean: so do we.
