And speaking of TERRY "MY LITTLE 'MATO'" SCHIAVO...we now ask the enduring question of the week: who says crippled can't be SEXY?!?!
ACTUALLY, WE DO. NOW PUT YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES BACK ON, PINWHEEL!!!
SAY HELLO TO OUR LITTLE FRIEND...
"ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME?" SKULLGAME-SPONSORED FIGHTER MICHELE MILLS FEELING LUCKY
JESSICA ALBA IS A DIRTY, DIRTY WHORE; AND EVEN HER DAD THINKS SO.
JESSICA ALBA LOOKING "CLEANER" THAN WE'VE EVER SEEN HER
LOS ANGELES (SKULLGAME) -- Honeyed Hollywood Jizpot JESSICA ALBA has infuriated her tremblingly impotent father with her sexy spread in the latest issue of a men's magazine geared for gay men known as GQ. Alba is the covergirl for the fag mag's April issue, but her barely covered curves on show on the inside pages has left her dad extremely confused and feeling, "funny."
She says, "When you're in the moment, or 'zone', you don't really think about the results as they might connect to coconut oil and having a mouthful of it."
"So I called my father and I said, 'Dad, I sorta did this naked kind of photoshoot thing with, you know, full penetration and all, but hear me out - it's not bad, it's very tasteful, insofar as a jiz shot is ever capable of being. I mean it's for GQ, anyway, and I'm not showing anything really that those near fags that read that mag would even give a fuck about.'
"And then he was like, 'What? Really?' And I said, 'Yeah, maybe you shouldn't look at it. Like maybe none of your friends should look at it either. Like maybe no non-gay male that we've ever met or could meet should look at it. And then you won't have a problem with it!'
"He actually saw it and he said, 'It's a lot worse than I thought! Why would you disrespect me like that? Now everyone's gonna see you like that!' I was like, 'I'm sorry, dad! But you know what? To make you feel better I'm going to start going to strip clubs for, you know, no special reason.'"
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THIS IS PART OF MY INTERPRETIVE DANCE CALLED "TITS"
Like no reason like: her stripping scenes in the new comic book adaptation "Sin City." She says without the slightest shred of irony, "I'm not someone who likes to go onstage and be a star. So, I just went to a bunch of strip clubs to do research. I would have to get a little tipsy, though, because it's kind of intimidating talking to these women with incredible bodies who are writhing in front of you that you're trying to get to come back to your room with you.
"I hit about four strip clubs in L.A., two in New York and two in Texas. And about 300 in Vegas."
And Alba decided to add a lasso to her stripping routine in the film after teaming with a rope trick expert. She adds, "I had a rope guy teach me how to twist it around like a lasso and stuff. I just spent every night in Texas in the Four Seasons in my underwear, knocking over lamps trying to lasso things. Like cock."
JIMMY THE "G" & HIS BLACK HEART OF HATRED FEATURING TIANA LYNN
TO PISS....OR NOT TO PISS? THAT IS THE QUESTION.
Graham from ELEGANT ANGEL recently took issue with JIMMY THE "G"'s characterization of TIANA LYNN'S waterworks as being mere PISS. He wrote assuring us this was NOT piss but was indeed something ELSE commonly squirted out of a broad's pussy like, um, well, you know. JIMMY was not fooled, nor mollified. His response, forthwith:
Okay, I want a vial of this disputed fluid, which I will try to get into a lab at my school somehow, for testing. In rantese:
DON'T PISS ON MY COCK AND TELL ME YOU'RE SQUIRTING
Some fuckhead calling himself "Graham" takes it upon himself to vouch for the veracity of TIANA LYNN's vaginal venom. By coincidence, I was hanging around the office at Casa Skull when the word came in. "It doesn't look like piss." I'd like to take a connoisseur at his word, but since I don't know what the fuck the word "connoisseur" means, much less which is piss and which is the sweet nectar of a young girl in love, I'm taking the scientific approach.
I don't have the time to watch some behind-the-scenes extras, which might explain the whole squirting thing. I don't have time to have somebody who watches behind-the-scenes extras to explain it to me. So the call is out for all squirters to submit squirt samples to SkullGame, and we'll science it out, through the use of laboratories, otherwise idle while they await the discovery of the next legal steroid or intoxicant loophole. Sluts of porn, can your pussy pass the SkullGame piss test?
Obviously, if someone tests positive for crank, pregnancy, and chlamydia, we got miss congeniality right there.
And I ain't mean SANDRA BULLOCK.
VICKY VETTE SUCKS OFF A RETARD, COURTESY OF THE CRACK MANAGEMENT TEAM OF BISEXUAL MAN JASON SECHREST
THIS RETARD WON SOME BULLSHIT CONTEST TO LOSE HIS "VIRGINITY" TO VICKY VETTE. VICKY VETTE CONSENTED BECAUSE THE WAY SHE FIGURES IT SHE'S ON A DICK-SUCKING CONSTANT ANYWAY AND AS LONG AS IT'S TIME PAID FOR DOESN'T MUCH MATTER WHICH DICK IT IS IN HER CHOPPERS. AND WE LAUGH BUT WE HAVE ALSO NOTED THAT OUR DICKS ARE PRESENTLY IN THE JIZ-ENCRUSTED FOLDS OF OUR HANES VERSUS THE JIZ-ENCRUSTED FOLDS OF VICKY VETTE'S MOUTH. THIS IS REASON ENOUGH FOR HATING. REASON ENOUGH.
VINCENT GALLO'S COCK CAUSES UPROAR. WHAT ON ACCOUNT OF IT BEING SO TINY AND ALL
"I'M NOT VINCE'S COCK." COCK CAUGHT IN MILLI VANILLI FLAP.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- A body double has sparked a new controversy for VINCENT GALLO's "Brown Bunny" movie -- claiming he hasn't been paid, outside of the load blown (his) for letting CHLOE SEVIGNY suck his fucking cock like souvlaki in the film.
Gallo has always maintained that HE and his cock starred in the pornographic scene using remote controlled cameras that he operated himself, but now actor Jacob Christner claims his genitals were used. Christner insists he has broken a confidentiality agreement he signed with Gallo and the producers of the film because he feels his own contract was breached when he wasn't paid, outside of the original load blown.
In a statement released on SkullGame, Christner says, "I'm very disappointed. I was assured by the producers that I was gonna ride Vincent Gallo's cock all the way to Hollywood but it looks like I've just gotten the shaft."
Well said, sissyboy.
