But VINNIE? Why for is ITALIAN SAL doing so much of the writing these days!?? WHY?!?!?

FOR REASONS A TAD TOO COMPLICATED TO GO INTO HERE, YOUNG SIR.

CALIFORNIA PENAL INSTITUTION ABOUT TO EARN IT'S NAME ON THE EVE OF A VISIT BY THE KING OF POP, REPORTS ITALIAN SAL FROM SUNNY SOLEDAD PRISON

V IS FOR VICTORY. AND VIRTUAL. AND VAGINA. ALL WORDS WHICH WILL COME INTO PLAY IN MR. JACKSON'S NEAR TERM LEGAL DEVELOPMENTS

SOLEDAD (SkullGame) -- The California Department of Corrections is bracing for a possible visit by MICHAEL JACKSON. With the Jury deliberating felony charges against the King of Pop, Corrections officials are preparing for an extended stay that may likely be wrought with cigarette extortion and man-on-man anal sex, all of which may or may not include Mr. Jackson. Did I mention the man-on-man anal sex?

Prisoners have reported preparations in the works as well. Some have reportedly redecorated their cells with throw rugs, hurricane lamps and Astroglide© dispensers. A very large inmate who wished to only be identified as "The Booty Bandit" told reporters, "All these guys here are star struck, making their rooms all pretty and what have you, the only thing I am doing is limbering up, stretching and working the kinks out: we don’t get many middle aged white women around here.” Indeed they don’t.

"THE GIRL IS MINE. THE GOSHDARNED GIRL IS MINE..." THE BANDIT SINGS THE GREATEST HITS OF THE 80S IN PREPARATION FOR THE KING'S ARRIVAL

A spurious quote from the Jackson camp reports that the King of Pop is "limbering up, stretching and working the kinks out, they don’t get many middle aged white women around there.” Indeed they don’t.

ITALIAN SAL & MICHAEL JACKSON: ALONE AGAIN. UNCOMFORTABLY

I TOOK THIS PICTURE OF HIS NOSTRILS. WHY?!?! WHY??!?! WHY?!?!?!?

THE KING OF POP opines “Its just not the same any more” during a discussion with Mack Avenue Skullgame about his trial and possible conviction on child abuse charges.

We caught up with The Gloved One as he indulged in one of his favorite pastimes, handing out candy to kids at a playground. Ole Pale Face, as he likes to be referred to these days, said that the trial has really hurt his many, many, many, many attempts at a possible relationship, (with pre-pubescent boys) saying that the media coverage of the case has been overkill, hashing and rehashing all the accusations and indictments and accusations, rumors and innuendos that have dogged him, day in and day out, for the past decade.

Ole Pale Face went on to say “I just want get this behind…me,” resting his hand on the head of one of the unsupervised children in his wake. When asked about what he was in fact looking for in a relationship, Ole Pale Face said, “Boy. Boy, oh, boy, oh boy - that’s a hard one…I guess they would have to be young -- and energetic, be playful, have real childlike qualities. Yes, childlike and alive with the wonder of the world and all things in it that are shiny and close to my bedside table, that’s what I am looking for.”

I need to wash off this keyboard…and go to confession, mostly go to confession.

CRUISE? MORE LIKE CRASH INTO A 100-FOOT WALL OF HOMO STUPIDITY: TOM & KATIE TO JOIN IN HOLY BOUNDS OF UNCOMFORTABLY HETERO MATRIMONY.

CRUISE COMING OFF HIS BRAVURA PERFORMANCE AS TUPAC SHAKUR IN WHERE MY NIGGAZ AT? STARS AS OLD WHITE BROAD NOT NAMED MICHAEL JACKSON IN HIS NEW BIOPIC LET ME TELL YA 'BOUT WHITE CHICKS!

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- KATIE HOLMES, who has learned nothing from the screaming warnings emanating from the pieholes of MIMI ROGERS and NICOLE KIDMAN, has prompted rumors she and new boyfriend TOM CRUISE are planning to marry, after refusing to rule out a wedding. The pair have only been dating since April, a period of time described by Cruise as "long enough," but have already professed their love in press conference after press conference as well as on national TV, with Cruise famously atop talk show queen Oprah Winfrey's sofa, pumping his fists in what he guesses is a non-homotonic display of hetero non-sausage based lust.

And Holmes won't deny increasing reports they are actually engaged. When quizzed, she says, "Look I can't lie. We have to talk about that, Tom and I. But it just makes me smile when you ask about that. I'm so happy. I'm thrilled that my career is being ground into the dust under Cruise's machine of non-homolized justifications. I mean I'm so in love with Tom and that's all I care about. He's just the most amazing non-gay, he says, man in the whole world."

Of Cruise's bizarre appearance on Winfrey's show, she adds, "I sat there and I was, like, I'm the luckiest woman in the whole world who has fallen in love with a non-homosexual."