And while we KNOW you think this shit is total bullshit it may just happen that we tell you the truth because we know you'll never believe it anyway. For example:
SEARCHING FOR MEN WHO LIKE LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH, MOVIES, CHINESE FOOD & DOUBLE TEAMING CHICKS LIKE ME IMMEDIATELY BEFORE FLEEING MY CRAPPY, CAT-STREWN ABODE FOR A BAR WHERE THERE'S ENOUGH ALCOHOL TO DROWN OUT THE MEMORY OF THE SAME
Yes. That's right. And that accounts for ITALIAN SAL and CORNHOLIO.
But what of RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES, JR. and his studied examination of THE SHART?
GREAT. JUST FUCKING GREAT. AND BOUND TO GET MORE SO
But we'll let him tell it: "AH! Spring is in the air! Spring is a time when a young man's fancy turn's to thoughts of fucking a lot of different broads in a lot of different positions! These are exactly the thoughts that have been pervading our young hero's thought's of late.
We have been on a recruitment mission. A recruitment mission to procure fine young female neophytes to join the cult of Raymond J. There have been many preparations: lots of heavy weights, jogging, heavy bag, and most significantly: PROTEIN SHAKES! Lots of em'. (Some punkypaks get in shape to play football, I'd rather play suckmyballs.)
It was in this capacity that your hero found himself walking from one bar to the next in an attempt to locate a beautiful "meat bag" upon which to infect with my "influence". When all of a sudden I was unexpectedly attacked by THE SHARTENING!!
Those of you in the know are aware of the effects of excess protein on your digestive system. For all you fatasses, I'll clue you in: YOU PISS OUT YOUR ASSHOLE!! ON A REGULAR BASIS!!! This is what it boils down to:
1. I was walking
2. I had to fart
3. I ended up squirting what turned out to be copious amounts of orange tinted (strawberry) liquid shit into my boxers!
I garuntee that you punkypaks would not have fared as well as your's truly! I walked into the bar like I owned the motherfucker, made a beeline for the men's room, cleaned my ass up, and ended up procuring a fine specimen for "extracurricular activities". Good day."
You see who the fuck would make this shit up? WHO?!?! WHOOOOO!?!?!?!
Not us. Which is why you have our SkullGame guarantee of authenticity: all of our lies are 100 % true.
JENNA BUSH SNATCHES VICTORY FROM THE JAWS OF SNATCH VIA? HER BUSH, NATCH!
HI. MY NAME IS JENNA BUSH. AND WHENEVER I'M AT A PUBLIC BEACH...
FLORIDA (SkullGame) -- Because of the high-profile arrests of President Bush's 19-year-old daughter for underage drinking offenses, suddenly the debate about lowering the legal drinking age is back in the national spotlight, with a nation of Democrats and Republicans alike unanimous in their support of it and it's unexpected and apparently most significant consequence: seeing more of First Daughter bush.
JUST MAXING & RELAXING WITH A COOL 40...
JENNA BUSH's two arrests in less than a month for consuming alcohol and trying to purchase alcohol with a fake ID, has placed the drinking age debate in the national media, with the old argument that if an 18-year-old is old enough to vote, sign contracts, join the armed forces, and get married, he or she should be old enough to drink a beer, do the Butt Dance or any old thing they want.
"It's one of the stupidest laws in America," Justin Schmid, 21, a student at Southern Methodist University in Dallas told SkullGame. "You can be drafted by your country, go to war — yet you can't have a beer. You can be tried as an adult — yet you can't have a beer while checking out some Presidential quality poontang."
But is it that stupid?
...I LIKE TO LET MY PUSSY....BREATTTTHHHEEEE...
Absolutely fucking not.
CLUBHOUSE CANCER TERRELL OWENS LOVER'S SPAT WITH DONOVAN McNABB BOILS OVER
"C'MON MAC...DON'T BE MAAAADDD..."
PHILADELPHIA (SkullGame) -- When the Eagles reported to their minicamp last week, quarterback DONOVAN McNABB finally responded to receiver TERRELL OWENS' withering homo-criticism of him earlier this month. Owens, who is holding out because he wants a new contract, and has taken some public slaps at McNabb - specifically regarding the quarterback's performance near the end of the Eagles' Super Bowl loss to the Patriots.
"I wasn't the guy who got tired in the Super Bowl,'' Owens told ESPN.com. "I wasn't the guy who had a masseur named Rod in his room until 4:30 in the morning even if he told me he was tired. I wasn't the guy who wants to conceal our love from all and sundry. I played every snap they allowed me to play. Even though I was dying inside. From a love that no one can ever know about.''
"I wasn't tired (but) I'm not going to sit here and try to have a war of words concerning male friends in motel rooms in the early morning hours,'' McNabb said Friday. "I'm a man at what I do. I man at everything I do and I don't have to play games in the media. If there's a problem with anyone, and they feel they need to lash out, they know how to get in touch with me. We can handle it like men.''
McNabb hasn't talked with the furious homosexual Owens since the receiver's comments, instead choosing to gaily sulk in anticipation of his erstwhile lover's return.
And for those for whom this matters: neither men are married. Just like JEFF GARCIA, RIP TAYLOR, ROCK HUDSON (who is, in fact, dead) and MICHAEL JACKSON.
LOVESTRUCK CRUISE TALKS ABOUT HIS FINE ROMANTIC ATTEMPT AT MISLEADING US FROM HIS SAUSAGE SEEKING WAYS
A SECRET AWARD FOR A SECRET SAUSAGE
ROME (SkullGame) -- TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE has "broken" his brief "silence" about his new "romance" with KATIE "ALL THOSE OTHER BITCHES JUST DIDN'T UNNERSTAN HIM" HOLMES. John Kelley, who works for "Extra," asked Cruise to tell him all about his new girlfriend, to which the beaming star said, "I'm not fucking, GAY, already, OK?!?!!?"
Cruise went on to tell the probing Kelley that he plans to "hang" with Holmes in Rome for a few days because the actress had never been to the Italian city. He stated, "It couldn't be any more romantic...well, I mean, unless, well you know she had invited JOSH BARNETT or something. I mean that's just an EXAMPLE. I mean he's just a fun guy and all but, HEY!!! I'M NOT FUCKING, GAY, OK?!?!"
Sure. Sure.
PARIS HILTON WILL HAVE TO WAIT ON ACCOUNT OF THE VIKS JUST HAVING KICKED IN. IN ANY CASE YOU KNOW IT HAD TO DO WITH HER MOUTH. AND COCK.
SEE?!!?
