And in our quest for peace, love and universal justice we start this week with a plea to The Olsen Twins: Please, please, please reconcile if for no other reason than the fact that you have provided us with countless hours of the kind of high quality entertainment that leads to loads left in dirty socks and on computer screens and that will inevitably lead to career-saving manuevers such as art house flicks where you play slutty angels that make out with each other. Naked. The Olsen Twins naked. And making out with each other. Slutty like. And.......oh....shit. Nevermind.
OUR NEW MOVIE IS CALLED "THE DIVINE TRAGI-COMEDY" AND FEATURES US AS CELESTIAL HOOKERS. IT'S GOING TO REALLY SHOW THE WORLD WHAT WE'RE MADE OF: MOSTLY TITS & YAYO, BUT STILL...
ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO: PARIS HILTON TO WED! AND OTHER TALES OF ANGRY PHONE CALLS TO OUR OFFICE WHEREIN THE CALLER SOUNDS ALL TREMBLY ANGRY & SHIT LIKE THEY'RE ABOUT TO CRY
IN A RARE & CANDID SHOT PARIS HILTON SHOWS HOW MUCH SHE LIKES NEGROES BY NOT SUCKING COCK LONG ENOUGH FOR THIS PHOTO TO BE TAKEN
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Dirty, filthy, fucking suckstress PARIS HILTON to wed Greek shipping heir PARIS LATSIS, so says Rob Shuter, Hilton’s spokesperson, confirming the story that broke on People magazine's website saying “They are very happy and excited.” Evidently. As Paris 1 will marry Paris 2 most assuredly in order to form a more perfect union of such epic mediocrity that the collective world will shudder, not to mention crap its collective pants.
Paris (not the one with the cock between the legs but the one with the cock between the lips) was reported as saying. "I have serviced men orally, and poorly, all over the world, on camera, but sometimes there comes a time when you just have to do those things behind closed doors -- service men orally and poorly all over the world, that is. On camera.” Paris Latsis, whose family, as reported by Forbes magazine ranks number 54 amongst the richest in the world, is also quite fond of the idea that guys all over the world are watching his chick service men orally and poorly.
Paris (the one with the cock between the legs and not between the lips) also went on to say. “It's all my fault. I truly deserve this. I’ve had a very good life and have been given everything I have ever desired... where was I going with this? Oh yeah. It’s my entire fault; and for my sins I will be held up to ridicule of Biblical proportions, a scorn so...what was I saying again?
Oh yeah, my bad.”
AN ITALIAN SAL EDITORIAL: DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' FANTASY A DISPIRITING REALITY
EVA LONGORIA. DESPERATE. AND A HOUSEWIVE. HOLLYWOOD STYLE.
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES finishes out the season in ball-busting rub-your-face-in-a-pile-of-shit fashion, convincing all men once and again that while the desperate housewives that we are used to seeing--vis-à-vis the angry Sea Rhino’s we share our respective lives and nightmares with--and the sexy, older yet well-put-together greedy bitches from TV are light years from one another.
KATHY WOODS. DESPERATE. AND A HOUSEWIFE. PLANET EARTH STYLE.
One of my closest married friends when reached for comment on last week's episode and how it was similar or dissimilar to his life said: “Why God? Why do I have but one life to live but one thousand deaths to die?” To which we at Mack Avenue Skull Game say: “Is that so?”
And later when the weeping began "my, my, my."
And finally concluding with: “take it on the arches.”
I am Italian Sal and that's the God's honest fucking goddamned truth.
A POLICE BLOTTER ROUNDUP OF TASTEMAKERS, EARTH SHAKERS, & OPINION BREAKERS
LINDSAY LOHAN
OH. THANK GOD WE'RE OKAY!!!
Lindsay Lohan was involved in a collision with the paparazzi in Los Angeles Tuesday. The teenage star was attempting to escape photographers when one of the chasing vehicles struck her car. The actress' worried mother Dina says in a statement, "I thank God my daughter was able to walk out of the car."
Los Angeles police confirm that her tits are still perfectly fucking load worthy.
MICKEY ROURKE
AFTER A COURSE IN ITALIAN SALANETICS MY LIFE HAS IMPROVED -100 MILLION PERCENT
Mickey Rourke fought back tears at the British premiere of his latest movie, "Sin City," on Monday -- because he never thought he'd get a second chance in Hollywood after his "drug" "addiction" ended his film "career". The 48-year-old star whose alcohol and cocaine habits prompted violent outbursts said "I am so grateful for my second chance. I was finished, crazy, washed up. I don't feel like I deserve it. I just feel grateful. So grateful. So...grate...ful....that I think I'll celebrate by GETTING FUCKING HIGH....ON LIFE!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?!?"
OLIVER STONE
"HOW GAY ARE YOU REALLY? I MEAN ON THE CRUISE SCALE?" "AS GAY AS YOU ARE HIGH." "FAIR ENOUGH."
Controversial filmmaker Oliver Stone, a fan of drunk driving and possession of drugs, has been arrested in Beverly Hills, Calif. at a police checkpoint on Sunset Boulevard on Friday night, where cops allegedly found that he had directed that exceedingly gay piece of shit ALEXANDER during a search of his Mercedes car. Stone, 58, was released on $15,000 bail on Saturday morning.
The legendary director underwent a rehabilitation program for overly manly motion picture making in 1999 but it has apparently not stuck what with his latest flick being one, long, low excuse for more jailhouse kissing than usually seen in a biopic not specifically staring TOM CRUISE.
