NEWSFLASH: Bethesda resident Cathy Gallagher created a recent line of greeting cards called the Secret Lover of Ho's collection. The new greeting cards speak to ho's, ho couples and all manner of ho's in affairs or involved in other such like ho activities. Inspired by her almost Chinee level of industry, we at SkullGame are launching OUR own line of cards, completely in keeping with the established principles of ITALIAN SALANETICS. They are only $10 postpaid and well worth the price when you consider that no other line of memorables so completely addresses the average man's load needs.
THE "JOSEFINA"
APPROPRIATE FOR JUST ABOUT ANY EVENT WHERE YOU WANT TO SAY "SAUSAGE". RECOMMENDED: FUNERALS. BAR MITZVAHS.
THE "SKANK"
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NOTHING QUITE SAYS "THANKS FOR COMING. ON MY CHIN." LIKE THE "SKANK." PERFECT FOR: ANNIVERSARIES, PROMS.
THE "ANAL-AMERICAN PRINCESS EXTRAORDINAIRE" OR THE "APE"
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NAMED AFTER KATHY WOODS, THE APE IS ONE OF OUR BEST SELLERS YET. EXPERTS AGREE: THERE AIN'T NO WAY TO PUT IT SUBTLE, WHEN YOU WANT THE BUTTHOLE.
We are truly excited about being able to help people say more succinctly what they've always wanted to say anyway. And according to a proud ITALIAN SAL, "Load on the face? Remember me?" said Salvatore. "I'm Vinnie's friend. Load on the face? How are things? Load on the face. I heard you were moving to Cali. Load on the face? Load on the face, Load on the Face, Load on the face? Anyhow, hope to see you at next UFC in Vegas. Load on the face?"
ITALIAN SALANETICS: "IT'S ALMOST LIKE FLYING."
SUPERMODEL SKANK "LOSES" $50,000. COCAINE QUESTIONED. REPEATEDLY.
NAOMI CAMPBELL: THE DREAM SEQUENCE. "AND I WAS WALKING THROUGH ALL OF THIS...UM...SNOW. IT SMELLED SO GOOD I JUST HAD TO KEEP HUFFING & HUFFING IT. MAN. I HATED TO WAKE UP FROM THAT 'DREAM'."
FRANCE (SkullGame) -- Supermodel NAOMI CAMPBELL who, while not able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, nor stop a speeding bullet, or even go faster than a locomotive...without cocaine, "suddenly" found herself on the receiving end of a jewelry and clothes "robbery" worth nearly $50,000. "Stolen" "from" her while she "celebrated" her "35th" birthday at the Cannes Film Festival. A "thief" beat "security" "guarding" the "yacht" she has been staying in by "pretending" to be part of her "entourage" before "raiding" Campbell's "cabin".
According to reports, Campbell had brought the belongings to the French Riviera to auction them at a charity fundraiser Thursday night for the Nelson Mandela Foundation, of which she has been an ambassador since 1997. But all was not lost -- the catwalk queen begged designer pals to donate MORE outfits to replace those stolen.
Her Italian agent David Brown says, "We rang designers for outfits and her good friends Dolce and Gabbana came to the rescue. As did Hector. Carlos. And someone named Pablo. Twice."
HERE COMES DA JUDGE...ROY BEAN ADJUDICATES JACKO'S DEPOSITION OF HONDA’S ASIMO ROBOT
"MICHAEL IS TOTALLY INNOCENT," SAYS CULKIN THEN. "DON'T BELIEVE ME? WELL YOU CAN FUCK IT, YOU CAN SUCK IT, YOU CAN LEAVE IT ALONE, BUT THAT'S THE GOD'S HONEST TRUTH."
HOMOTONIA (SkullGame) — Honda’s ASIMO, the world’s most advanced humanoid robot, is said to be currently eliciting erections from sexual predators worldwide—including, ALLEGEDLY, the infamously defaced pop icon MICHAEL JACKSON. Child molesters, rapists, and assorted reprobates across the globe reportedly “can’t wait to fuck that thing”; a sentiment that has drawn lots of attention from the universally disdained NAMBLA and many other men that have gone on record as really "digging Menudo, you know, for their music."
Jackson, currently on trial for several counts of lewd and lascivious encounters with children, commented (against the advice of his legal counsel) on the practical applications of this potential Terminator-esque technology; saying “I think this child is just beautiful.” Upon his initial encounter, Jackson was “overjoyed” at ASIMO’s ability to “moonwalk,” as well as it’s reciprocal physical mimicry. Through gnashed teeth Jackson remarked “if we put a mattress behind him I don’t think he’d have much of a choice”.
CULKIN NOW. 'NUFF FUCKING SAID.
The 4 ft tall/ 100 odd lb. ASIMO (who bears a resemblance to MACAULAY CULKIN) was unavailable for comment; but according to Honda CEO Hiroyuki Yoshino the robot appeared to be “just a rittle nervoush” upon hearing the news.
SECOND SUPERMODEL SKANK "LOSES" A CUNT OF CASH. COCAINE AGAIN QUESTIONED, CLAIMS TO BE "SICK OF THIS SHIT" & TO KNOW "NUTTIN' ABOUT IT," IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO DISAPPEARING RIGHT UP AFOREMENTIONED MODEL'S FORMERLY KEYHOLE-SHAPED NOSTRILS.
KATE BUSH, ER, WE MEAN, MOSS, POST-ROBBERY. "IT WAS TERRIBLE. I, I MEAN, THEY TOOK EVERYTHING...OH THIS OLD THING? YOU LIKE IT? $50. RIGHT NOW. IT'S YOURS.
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Property worth $19,000 was "stolen" from a car outside of supermodel KATE MOSS' home Thursday. A music system worth $7,600, a $4,750 jacket, some boots and a purse were among the items snatched from a Land Rover parked outside her London home -- after "thieves" smashed a window with a brick of primo Columbian.
Moss spotted the damage late Thursday, but decided not to call police until she had examined allllllllll of the evidence. A few times.
A neighbor in the exclusive St John's Wood area says, "She was 'upset' at 'losing' her jacket and boots. But she said it was not worth calling the police for and there's nothing they would do that she couldn't herself do. Huff-wise."
