This SkullGame is brought to you by ITALIAN SALANETICS: A SCIENTIFIC APPROACH TO INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS. "At first I found myself caught in a cycle of endless attempts to 'strike up' conversations with ho's. To...'chat' with them. To...find out where their 'heads were at.' Until I discovered ITALIAN SALANETICS. ITALIAN SALANETICS is a carefully engineered language based therapy system that cuts through all of life's confusing traps and gets to the meat of the matter quickly. Rapidly. Fastly. It...it's almost like flying." -- another satisfied customer
BEFORE ITALIAN SALANETICS I WAS A PATHETIC LOSER WHO DIDN'T KNOW WHICH END WAS UP
THAT'S NOT IT. UNLESS YOU'RE A TURK. THEN THAT'S VERY MUCH IT.
AFTER ITALIAN SALANETICS I KNEW
YOU'RE GODDAMNED RIGHT YOU AIN'T
ITALIAN SALANETICS IN ACTION
HER: Hey, SAL, how have you been?
SAL: Load? On the chin?
HER: Hunh?
SAL: What?
ITALIAN SALANETICS: "IT'S ALMOST LIKE FLYING!" can be ordered for $10 ppd with cash and/or money orders to CFY, P.O. Box 19271, Stanford, California, 94309, USA
MARIAH CAREY: STILL CRAZY AS A SHITHOUSE RAT OR JUST CRAZY AS A SHIT HOUSE RAT?
UHN. OK. FIRST YOU TAKE THIS FUCKING TOWEL & YOU...WAIT...OH. GODDAMN IT. JUST LEMME USE THOSE TABLE NAPKINS. SEE? VOILA: EUREKA!!! FELIZ NAVIDAD!!! L'CHAIM!!!
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- MARIAH "HARI" CAREY is destined for a major style overhaul -- courtesy of Vogue editor-at-large and Head Negro In Charge Andre Leon Talley. The pop "beauty's" wacked out passion for low-cut tittie tanks and short skirts, or "ho wear", has come under frenzied masturbatory media scrutiny recently, defying her past status as simply a crazy-assed-cunt-who-could-murder-a- song-just-as-quickly-as-she-could-sing-it style icon.
Now the hitmaker is desperate to regain her sense of purpose, the Venusian fields of play and dilanthian crystals, and her reputation for wearing the latest in cutting-edge designs while killing any singular conception of the rudiments of melody and rhythm.
Carey's representative Marvet Britto tells Page Six, "I introduced (Carey and Talley) two months ago because Mariah needed guidance, apparently those goddamned dilanthian crystals, and to stop dressing like a skank ho. She has an incredible sense of skank ho style -- but then she'd suddenly go out in skankfits like cutoff shorts and tank tops, dirty bathrobes, and moo moos. Andre is there to help Mariah's broken relationships with fashion houses. We don't want people to say things like 'skanky.' But that is changing."
They most certainly are, Skanks.
PARIS HILTON & DENIM CLAD, HAIR FROSTING, MINCING MAN BANDER GET INTO SLAP FIGHT OVER? MINCING, MAN BANDING HAIR FROSTING EXCESS. AND COCK TO MOUTH CONTACT WITH BUS BOYS. BUT MOSTLY THE LATTER
PICKING UP? THE SHATTERED PIECES OF WHAT WAS LEFT OF HER MOTHERFUCKING MODESTY
CANADA (SkullGame) -- NICK "THE MINCER" CARTER and PARIS HILTON have resumed their World War of words commensurate with their wildly stunning wit, with the pop singing-dancing-mincing sensation branding his ex-girlfriend "an immature cock cushion." Hotel ho and heiress Hilton was asked last week on Alberta radio show "The Canadian Hit 30 Countdown" to compare her new boyfriend, PARIS LATSIS, to her previous boyfriends, such as Carter, reports MTV News.
Hilton responded, "Night and day. He's not using me for anything. He's not a disgusting pig, nor a homosexual. He doesn't murder homeless people for amusement. He doesn't film our painfully stilted sexual contact then sell it for several million dollars whilst cutting me in for half and letting me continue to complain to the press about how sucking sausage on film was NOT my idea. Sorry."
So are we. So are we.
Carter's brief romance with Hilton ended last summer.
WHY TIGER WOODS SUCKS AT GOLF NOW
HIS WIFE JUST ISN'T VERY SUPPORTIVE?
A YACHT (SkullGame) -- US Masters champion TIGER WOODS, whose record-breaking seven-year run of avoiding the halfway cut in tournaments ended last week, will lose his world No.1 ranking also by Sunday.
His closest rival, Fijian Vijay Singh, went on to finish tied third in the Byron Nelson Championship in Irving, Texas, behind winner Ted Purdy and closed the gap on Woods significantly.
When reached for comment the Negro Woods was quoted as saying, "sheeeeiiiit. You seen my wife's titties yet?!?! Take a look at 'em and then ask me if I give a fuck."
STAR WARS FANS CAUGHT IN FELLATIO FLAP: CAN HENRY ROLLINS BE FAR BEHIND? GET IT? BEHIND!
ON THE LEFT: THE FRANTIC & NOW REVEALED SUCKEE; ON THE RIGHT: MEN'S FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY MEMBER JEFFREY SAUNDERS
FLORIDA (SkullGame) -- A Lake Howell High School assistant football coach is out of jail after police arrested him Thursday and charged him with committing sexual acts with another man, a Star Wars fan, at a public park.
Jeffrey Saunders has been an assistant coach and C3PO impersonator since 2001. In 2002, he was arrested for indecent exposure at the Seminole Environmental Studies Park. Two years later, school officials gave him a teaching job as a substitute. Only in fucking Florida.
This time around, Saunders is being suspended from his job as an assistant coach at Lake Howell.
Thursday's arrest happened in a park the school district uses to teach kids about nature. Apparently nature and cock sucking. There are regular field trips there. Saunders was allegedly caught engaged in oral sex with another man, a county employee named John Salvatore. No relation.
