But First: THE SKULLGAME TRIBUTE TO THE WORLD'S GREATEST BITCH & BREW
I WAS FUCKING THIRSTY...FOR THE BIG NUMBER ONE, BABY!!!
The mulled-over marijuana scenario is a familiar one: what would happen after I die? What would happen to my friends? My car? My shoes? My tape measurer? My razor? My jackstand? And finally: my bitch? And in most cases the answer is also familiar: my friends would drive my car over to my bitches' house where they'd comfort her the only way they knew how: with a vigorous quintuple teaming. After selling the jackstands for gas money.
Not 44 year old, KAREN STOLZMANN. She dug up her boyfriend's cremated remains buried more than a decade ago to drink the beer that was packed with the man's remains. She now faces up to nine months in jail on the charge. We are collecting money here at SkullGame for her Budweiser Fueled Defense Fund. Never do men stand so tall as when they stoop to help a drunken trailer monkey with jurisprudential problems.
So won't you give today?
KOBE BRYANT: AND NOW FOR MY NEXT TRICK I WILL MAKE THE ASSHOLE DISAPPEAR!!!
NOW YOU SEE HER. (BENT OVER A CHAIR.) NOW YOU DON'T. (ACCEPTING CASH PAYMENT FOR ASS RENTAL)
DENVER (SkullGame) -- KOBE "BRING ME THE BUTTAH" BRYANT and the white woman owner of the Asshole he so rudely violated over a chair in a hotel room in Colorado have reached an agreement in principle over the free market value of aforementioned Asshole. Attorneys for Bryant did not return calls to SkullGame and the woman's attorneys, John Clune and L. Lin Wood, both declined comment on their client's still aching anus.
"Some people will view a settlement as at least a partial admissionof anal plundering" and therefore of guilt, said Larry Pozner, a Denver attorney who handles both civil and criminal cases. "But the more realistic view settlement as what it is: You buy something and you sell something. In this instance: an asshole."
The Asshole's owner filed her lawsuit in Denver federal court last August, three weeks before the criminal case against the Los Angeles Lakers star collapsed when she decided she could not participate in the trial's airing of her anal activities.
"It's an end to a sad affair, a sad situation," said Pozner, thinking about something else entirely.
FOOD WILL MAKE YOU A FAG: JIMMY THE "G" IN THE SNAP-ON TOOL-OF-THE-MONTH TALK
Vinnie,
There's been a lot of barking in the numb-nuts media lately, outing cartoon characters left and right. The real purpose behind all of that is to draw attention away from the habits of the flaky pundits who come up with that bullshit. If they were serious about exposing cartoon inverts, they wouldn't have missed this flamingly obvious assortment of fudge-packed desserts:
KING DING DONG
MORE LIKE QUEEN BLING DONG. NOTE THE PHALLIC SCEPTER. IT'S GAY.
CAPTAIN CUPCAKE
HEYYYY...DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL. ABOUT THE VARIOUS COCONUT FILLINGS THIS FRUITY-FILLED SNACKCAKE HAS HAD...
FRUITPIE THE MAGICIAN
DO YOU NEED ME TO EXPLAIN?
HAPPY HO HO
HAPPY IS A EUME...FUMEFIIZ....HAPPY MEANS GAY IN HIS CASE.
TWINKIE THE KID
THE KING, THE CAPTAIN, THE FRUITCAKE, AND THE 'HO ALL GOT TO THIS ONE BEFORE HE WAS FULLY COOKED, AND GAVE HIM THAT CREAM FILLING
Now admittedly, I was out to lunch on my preferred cocktail of Adderall, 'shrooms, Vicodin ES, homemade Polack wine, and a constant chain of joints when I noticed the convenience store's own little Castro District. But I swear, those caloric gobs were giving me the eye. So it was beef jerky and potato chips for me.
Hostess snacks should come with a fucking warning label.
TONYA HARDING: COUNTDOWN TO DOING MORE PORN? T MINUS 345 DAYS & COUNTING. BUT FIRST?!?! TRANNY WRASSLING!!!
THE EPITOME OF ICE SKATING WHORROR: TONYA SCORING A PERFECT 10 IN THE TRAILER PARK POKING EVENT
FLORIDA (SkullGame) -- TONYA HARDING, former Olympic Ice Slut and convicted felon is, in a sudden career turn, fighting a Florida woman who weighs under 135 pounds. Well, sort of. The disgraced Olympic figure skater-turned-beefy slugger will face skinny transvestite television personality Daisy D, best known locally for his "Queen on the Scene" antics on the South Florida gossip TV show "Deco Drive."
The gender-bender brawl takes place March 10 at Beach Bums in Fort Lauderdale. "Daisy D never told me she was a he when we were talking on the phone," groaned promoter Damon Feldman. "Well, it's close enough. Tonya doesn't mind too much."
Feldman said the three-round "celebrity boxing" main event will become a pro wrestling match because the Florida Dept. of Business and Professional Regulation, which oversees the Florida Boxing Commission, nixed the idea of Harding sparring a totally inexperienced opponent - despite the fact that they would be wearing 16-ounce gloves and protective head gear.
There will also be a raunchy PARIS HILTON look-a-like contest, with the winner getting at least $250 in cash, Feldman said.
"We're out to give South Florida fight fans a classy night out," Feldman said. Without a single trace of goddamned irony in his voice.
BRANDON IRONS' COCK WENT TO SPAIN AND ALL IT GOT ME WAS THIS T-SHIRT. WITH STAINS ON IT.
WHERE THE FUCK IS OUR REVIEW COPY MOTHERFUCKERS?!?!
SkullGame Man About Fucking Town, Bon Vivant and Porn Director BRANDON IRONS just sent us this email about his latest vid. It was barely literate. Which we liked. Read the fuck on.
Here is info for for INTENSITIES IN 10 CITIES #2.
Hope you like it!
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Oh, Canada! "Oh, my fucking God!" is what you will be saying when you see Katrina's succulent feet being sniffed as she sends me over the edge and I unload on her face. La chat etais tres bien! It was our first time having sex in a farmer's field....until he came out to see what was going on.
Budapest, Hungary
Kira is hands-down a Budapest beauty with a killer booty. She is paired up with STEVE HOLMES. Let me tell you something, if you weren't in awe of Steve before, you will be after seeing him in this scene. Disaster struck at the cumshot as Kira did a sly dodge by suddenly sitting up to avoid the cum. Without flinching, Steve tells her she messed up and cranks out another one in 20 seconds. Kira's face wasn't even dry before she was bombarded again with goo.
Quebec City, Quebec, Canada
Lena Bacci straddles my face and smothers me with her pussy and ass. She takes a pretty good facial that hangs off her chin like an icicle. Merci, Lena!
Hope you enjoy seeing the sights of some of these places. It was a lot of fun!
Enjoy,
Brandon
Whatever.
