This sports spectacular is being underwritten by SIC 'EM TOM TIRE IRONS in association with ANGRY MOTHERFUCKER NUTRICEUTICALS, makers of the new ANADROL-50: "It Picks You Up While It Pisses You Off."
"I DON'T JUST USE SIC 'EM BECAUSE THEY'RE GOOD. I USE THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE THE BEST. AGGGHHHHHH...."
SUZANNE SOMERS FINISHES FIRST TAKING HOME THE BRASS METAL FOR THE 100 YARD THIGHMASTER SWIM THING
DAUNTED NEITHER BY AGE NOR INFIRMITY NOR FINGER-SIZED NIPPLES, SOMERS INSPIRES ADMIRATION.
ATHENS (SkullGame) -- Three's Company star SUZANNE "CHRISSIE" SOMERS, a Cinderella story in the making...especially if Cinderella was a 54-year-old TV actress...surprised everyone today in Athens by placing first in an event that not only had she not previously qualified for, but one in which she had not even been scheduled to swim.
Leaping onto the blocks before the race began and shoving someone she later described as "some German dyke" out of her way, the talented Ms. Somers posted an amazing 3:07, um, metroseconds to set a race win record, as well as a world title time.
When asked what compelled her to make such a significant splash in the world of international aquatic competition, Ms. Somers said only, "I did it for Jack Tripper. And Mr. Furley. No. Wait. Mr. Furley is still alive. Well in any case I did for Jack. Oh, and because I'm an attention hungry whore."
OUR OLYMPIC SPOKESLUT CHEROKEE INTERVIEWED BY ITALIAN SAL ABOUT THE, UM, OLYMPIACS THING
STRAIGHT OUT OF ATHENS, CHEROKEE COVERS THE GODDAMNED GLOBE
You know how, sometimes, prior to a hot date with a hot woman, a man has to...how do I put this? Has to...well, take the edge off? The hotter the woman the more of an edge he needs to take off. I mean an ugly broad he can take the edge off of on Sunday for a Friday date, but a hot bitch you don't fuck around and you take the edge off like the night before or something. But you do know what I mean when I say, take the edge off, don't you?
JACK OFF, for crying out loud! Jesus Fucking Christ, what the hell is the matter with you?!?!
Anyhow, this Friday I was faced with a set of circumstances that required me to...take the edge off. Scheduled to do a no-holds-barred interview with Baby Doll and Cherry Boxxx Pictures Super Star CHEROKEE, I was determined to stay cool, and if the need arose, well, to perform like a stallion.
CHEROKEE SHOWING AN INNATE UNDERSTANDING OF THE FACT THAT THE VICTORY STAND IS POPULATED WITH THE FLEXIBLE
Now Cherokee being the hot piece of ass that she is, I figured that to take the edge off I should...you know, jerk one off a little closer to the time of the meeting. Ten minutes before the meeting, to be exact. You know how it is? So I could feign disinterest...and play it cool.
Little did I know that by jacking off so close to the "interview" my plan to feign disinterest, turned into real disinterest mixed with hopeless under-preparedness: I literally could not have care less who was sitting across from me. Hell, I got mine.
So there I was, sitting across with arguably one of the hottest young talents in the adult industry and all I could manage is: "so, how you doing?" To which she answered: "Really good. Are you going to take notes or record this?"
No.
So, this is what I got:
1) Cherokee is not a big fan of cities. Being from Western Kentucky, where all Cherokees hail from, she is more comfortable as the coal miners’ daughter than the fool for the city.
2) Cherokee works about four times a week, for those of you who don’t know what I mean by work, I mean fuck...on camera...for money.
3) Cherokee is not a fan of panhandlers: as far as she is concerned, "if you have an orifice, people will pay you to stick stuff in it." That’s a quote.
AS WE WERE SOON TO FIND OUT.
4) Cherokee loves to work out and loves working the strip club circuit as much as the adult film industry. Whew… am I missing anything? I don’t think so.
Oh yeah, don’t miss Cherokee as she is coming to a town near you.
Aug 19-21 Scandals, Long Island
Aug 26-28 Rhino, Van Nuys
Sept 2-4 Gentlemen’s Club Expo, Las Vegas
Nov 4-6 Rhino, City of Industry
Dec 2-4 Rhino, Oxnard
Check out her other tour dates at www.cherokeexxx.com.
THE KOBE BRYANT SEX SHAKEDOWN TRIAL NEARS END AS REVELATIONS OF ALLEGED VICTIM'S PENCHANT FOR GROUP POKES DAMAGES CASE
BRYANT AND HIS "ATTORNEY" LEAVING COURT FOR, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE DRINKIE POO
DENVER (SkullGame) -- The judge in NBA star KOBE BRYANT's ass banditry case dealt besieged prosecutors another severe blow by denying their bid to indefinitely delay his trial, due to start in just two weeks. Judge Terry Ruckriegle rejected the postponement sought by prosecution lawyers to allow them to consolidate their case against the butt burglaring basketball star.
Prosecutors contended that they needed an indefinite postponement because their chances of getting a fair trial had been damaged by the release of information in the case which pointed to the fact that the alleged victim's underwear contained a veritable cocktail of semen, which they said could taint the available jury pool of men who hadn't yet laid a stiff one on the money-grubbing whore.
But Ruckriegle said that a document that he was forced to release detailing previously secret pre-trial testimony about the alleged victim's sex life in the 72 hours around her June 30, 2003 encounter with Bryant would not taint the jury pool as any damaging details "about the men she double-teamed prior to getting ass banged by Bryant" had been edited out.
More on this as it develops.
