YES, YES. IN A PRE-VALENTINE'S DAY "SUDUCTION" SALVO THE SLUTS ARE LOBBING THE BIG ONES WHILE LOBBYING FOR THE BIG ONES. EH? ... YAWN...
"I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS, JOE ROGAN, BUT I SMOKE CRACK," IRISH PETE DOHERTY ON TRACK TO WOO BACK THE RECENTLY DEPARTED SLUT CELEB KATE "CHOO CHOO" MOSS
CLOTHES? SHIT! NO WONDER IT WAS SO GODDAMNED COLD IN HERE...WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE OUTSIDE?!?! FUCCCKKK....
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Irish Crackhead and strangely contradictory Heroin-using PETE DOHERTY is determined to marry superslutmodel KATE MOSS -- despite the fact she dumped him on Thursday just two weeks after they started dating -- in a move that marks a think-tank level of crackhead thinking.
The ex-Libertines frontman and crackhead junkie and Moss began their relationship -- what could politely now be referred to as narcoleptic ruttings in men's room stalls -- at her 31st birthday party earlier this month, but party-loving Moss ended the brief romance with Doherty, a self-confessed crack and heroin addict, because "his" "hedonistic" "lifestyle" is "too" "wild" for "her".
But Doherty blames Moss' family for her decision to leave him, and insists he'll wed her when he's proved he is not interested in drugs or her fortune. Despite his present OVERWHELMING interest in both drugs and her fortune's ability to procure said drugs.
He complains, "I'll do anything to stay with Kate. I'll give up the drugs. [looooooong and thoughtful silence....] She's the, um, woman I want to marry. I think the reason was she was getting a lot of pressure from her family. I went out for Sunday lunch with them and they nicknamed me 'The Crackhead.' I mean YES I was taking a toot at such time as they decided to slather me with this sobriquet but heyyyyyy...they know me in that restaurant for a long time.
"They think I'm bad news, but I'm not after Kate's money and I'm not interested in her fame. I don't know what's going on with the relationship right now, who knows what the future holds? Or who will be holding in the future. But she's beautiful and amazing and I want to marry her."
WHOA HO!!!! Heeeeee's fucking HIGH, whew-wee!!! High, high, high...
MR XTRA'S YEAR IN FUCK: 2004
In honor of the Chinese new year -- but mostly on account of banging so much Shanghai cooze -- this is a month late. But the dates are strictly Jan 1-Dec 31, 2004. I'm a sports fan, so I keep stats. Let the games begin!
Number of pussies fucked: 43
Number of pussies fucked I hadn't fucked in a previous year: 36
Number of trannies fucked: 0
Number of grannies fucked: 0
Number of post-op trannies fucked: 0, though this big hand did make me
suspicious...
DUDE. MOST DEFINITELY.
Number of Asian coozes fucked: 40
Number of Fijian-Indian, Muslim coozes fucked: 1
Number of chicks fucked in the ass: 4, I wasn't really trying...
Number of chicks who stuck their tongue in my ass: 4
Number of chicks fucked in the ass AND who stuck their tongue in my ass: 1, bless 'er.
Number of chicks who interrupted fucking to cut my toe-nails: 1
Number of chicks pissed on: 0, not my kink.
Number of chicks fucked two weeks, six days after they got married: 1
Number of chicks whose mouths I came in: 8
Top five years for total number of pussies fucked (with new ones in brackets):
2002 = 46 (39)
2004 = 43 (36)
2001 = 42 (40)
2003 = 34 (25)
1999 = 24 (23)
Number of chicks I 100% should have fucked in '04 but my game was wrong: 3 or 4, but mostly just 1 goddammit...
Number of months "lost" being faithful to one chick: 3 or 4.
Number of 18-year-old Mormon schoolgirls fucked: 1
Conclusion: 2004, a good year for fuck!!!
Next up: 2005. It was a very gay year.
PORN BALLER BRANDON IRON GETS DOWN SKULLGAME STYLE
BRANDON PULLING AHEAD OF THE COMPETITION...ONE FOOT AT A TIME
BRANDON IRON recently stopped into SkullGame to take a brief breather from his heavy schedule of, um, well, mostly fucking ho's to fuck with our shit. We were pleased, nay, flattered. Forthwith, the transcript.
BRANDON IRON: Thanks for taking the time to review TEN LITTLE PIGGIES #3. I appreciate it!
VINNIE ROSE: Heyyyy...nice to hear from you again...been a coon's age since we saw you last...drugs and sluts kept us off the floor at AVN but seems like it's perhaps time to do another interview with youse if you're game...but we could spin it differently this time....like you invite us to the set or some shit like that. You know something that'll allow us to jerk our cocks, pilfer shit and chat up ho's AT THE SAME TIME....
BI: Sure! I just need to find a good anal girl to finish up BAKER'S DOZEN #5 first.
VR: That's all you need?!?! Shit....asking us works every time....what types are you looking for? age? height? weight? look? let us know and we'll see if we can help....
BI: I generally like to hire girls 18-23 years old who are very outgoing and can flirt/talk to the camera.
ITALIAN SAL: Here goes one. Let me know what you think.
NOTE: THE HAIR ON THE CALVES
BI: Not exactly the type I was looking for....
IS: Oh God. I hope you know I was pulling your chain on that one. We have a few drunken sluts who are game. I will know more tomorrow...But, uh, honestly, what did you think of that chick?
And so on ad infinitum, or until fear, anger, or frustration sets in.
