But FIRST...this stunning confession of near-homosexuality by SkullGame's own ITALIAN SAL...sent in a private personal email to VINNIE ROSE and hereby being reproduced for your viewing pleasure, our amusement and Sal's deeply eternal regret.
Dear Vinnie...I have recently found myself in the very enviable position of having two girls who I, for all intents and purposes, live with, and can fuck pretty much whenever I want. The catch being I have to fuck them both equally. Sounds like a dream come true right? Wrong. Being a relatively serious athlete, I train about five days a week, so what sounds great at 9 A.M. vis a vis “I am going to fuck you both tonight” after a tough Jiu-Jitsu class becomes “I have a cramp in my leg, can we do this some other time?”
MEN ON MATS OR WET PUSSY? OH GOD...I...I...CAN'T DECIDE!!!! WHAT WOULD JUDY GARLAND DO?!?!
"Now, do you play it jaded? Or, do you go the honest route and say: “I only got so much testosterone and I just so happen to have left it on the mats.” I know, I know...what you would give to have my problems, right? Wrong! I am very quickly sliding down the slippery slope of rumored homosexuality. Not a slope you want to slide down ass first. Trust me, if you want to trade places with me right now we...Wait forget I said that, I am quite content with this “problem.” Now excuse me while I go fuck these two broads…right after Jiu-Jitsu practice….And please, mention this to no one."
OSCAR SEASON IS UPON US AS CHLOE SEVIGNY HOPES TO SECURE A SUCKCESSFUL SPOT IN CINEMA HISTORY BY BEING THE FIRST NON-SLUT TO ACT LIKE A SLUT IN SUCKING AN ACTUAL COCK FOR PAY. ON SCREEN. FOR OUR VIEWING AMUSEMENT
SHE'S GOT TWO FINGERS ON GALLO'S COCK, TWO ON HIS BALLS AND ABOUT TWO INCHES SHOWING. YOU DO THE MATH.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- As the OSCAR fever catches on like the flavor of a Pringle, a tense vigil ensues at the home of VINCENT GALLO, the controversial director, actor, musician, artist, writer, photographer, republican, self-promoting, self-abnegating, self-flagellating impresario. He, and his erstwhile co-penis, wait to have their home sex vid validated with a special lifetime achievement award.
The sex vid, entitled BROWN BUNNY, is about his penis' star turn inside CHLOE SEVIGNY's mouth. Widely panned by such critics as ROGER EBERT, which caused Gallo to curse him with cancer, BROWN BUNNY documents such inside-the-mouth hijinx that are common cause with SkullGame. In a recent interview with Gallo he noted "not ever, not even a single time has a penis ever won for anything. That's not counting TIMOTHY HUTTON for ORDINARY PEOPLE. Mine shall be the first."
Sure. Sure it will.
CRAZY SLUT MADONNA, NOW CRAZY & DANGEROUS; A NATION BREATHES A SIGH OF RELIEF THAT SHE DON'T LIVE HERE NO MORE
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"HAI YAH!!! CHOLLY CHONG, BUSHONG!!!" MADONNA IN HER KA-RATE UNIFORM
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Superslut, religious zealot and lurching lunatic MADONNA, for whom Scientology was not enough, is following in her career-less husband GUY RITCHIE's footsteps, by taking up karate.
Hai YAY!
The British director is a black belt in the martial art of slapping the air and shouting chinee words out loud and has long encouraged his famous wife to join in during practice sessions of air-slapping and fake chinee talk.
A friend says, "Madonna has been taking her classes very seriously. She slaps. She screams. She screams and slaps. And says some shit in Chinee talk and then she bows. Guy is into karate and Madonna's daughter Lourdes has taken classes. So I guess it's a congenital disease or something.
"In the past, Madonna has worried about being bruised before videos or photoshoots but she hasn't got any planned at the moment. Because, well, because mostly the world doesn't care anymore."
BIG-TITTIED SAMANTHA SKULLGAMES IT IN STYLE IN A GAME OF 20 QUESTIONS
SAMANTHA MAKES A POINT THE ONLY WAY SHE KNOWS HOW
Some days you feel like a nut. Some days you don't. And some days you feel like TESCO VEE insofar as you might share his penchant for some good ol' ribs, chicken and wafflesesque bitchery. You know the kind we mean. The kind that live only in Texas. The kind for which you might get hungry but you ain't never going to starve. Yes, yes, I believe the more unenlightened members of the community might call them Big Beautiful Women (BBW), but here at SkullGame we just call them Thems What Gots Big Giant Titties!
Ladies and Gents, meet SAMANTHA.
SkullGame: How old are you?
SAMANTHA 38G: 36. I don't lie about my age. Because I look GOOD for 36.
SG: Yeah, yeah, sure you do. How was that working for the BANG BROTHERS?
S38G: Never again. My call time was 9 A.M. They kept me waiting all day. Dragged me to some woman's baby shower in the middle of the shoot. So I'm there with all of these women who were just hating me because they knew why I was there. And then back to the hotel with no food and then the male talent shows up and by the time I get out of make up and they're all ready to shoot it's almost midnight. So perfect. Except the male talent couldn't get it up. I was so angry I started screaming at him...
SG: And I'm sure that helped.
IF THIS AIN'T GONNA HELP, NEITHER'S NO FLUFFER
S38G: ...Hey I was tired. He was asking if we had a fluffer girl or something. Then the director started making fun of him....and it was just noooo fun. But anyway I ...
SG: Could I fuck your tits?
S38G: What? Is this part of the interview?
SG: It is NOW.
S38G: Well yeah you can fuck them. You can even come on them. But you just can't come on my face. I hate that. I think it's degrading. Which is why I'll never do another porn again. I got 10 out there now and that's enough. But the BANG BROS talk soooooo bad about women it just makes me mad. And I will tell someone right out...
SG: You're from Texas, right? Did you vote for Bush?
S38G: I sure did.
SG: What the fuck? Why? He's trying to take away our porn. We just want to set the porn man free!!! And he wants to jail us...why? WHHHHYYYYYY?
S38G: Because repression is good for the sex business.
SG: Jesus Christ. Point well taken. Could you repress my cock right about now? I mean to help make me feel a little bit better about the elections and all?
S38G: Only if you mention my website.
SG: Deal.
[Fucking and sucking ensues]
SG: Samantha has a website, y'all. Hahahaha. Thank you very much, America!!!
