THIS version of SkullGame is being underwritten by FUN STUFF STEROIDS: The Steroids to take when you're having fun. And stuff.
WE SURE AS HELL DON'T, HOPPY. WHICH IS WHY WE'RE CONVINCED THAT YOU'LL BE 100 % SATISFIED WITH THE ONLY KIND OF MUSCLE BUILDING ADDITIVE THAT WILL PICK YOU UP, WHILE IT SMOOTHS YOU DOWN...IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO FIRING YOU OUT OF THE FUCKING CANNON OF BLINDING RAGE FOR SLIGHTS BOTH REAL & IMAGINED.
THE DOCTOR IS IN: ITALIAN SAL PACINO, PhD, MD, MS, BA, BRINGS MEDICINE BACK TO WHERE IT BELONGS: THE HAZILY DEFINED NETHER REGIONS OF NEAR-LEGAL EXPERIMENTAL "PRACTICE".
"WHAT AM I DOING? HAHAHAHA...DON'T YOU KNOW?" SAL PACINO ABOUT TO INSTALL WHAT HE DESCRIBES AS "AN ACCELERATOR KNOB."
When you say "Practice Medicine" define "Practice."
I mean one of the worst things about there no longer being a Taliban in Beheadistan, is the fact that there is no place for Medical Hobbyists like myself to practice medicine freely, unrestrainedly, and joyously, like God intended. Okay, before everyone loses their collective minds let me explain what a medical hobbyist is. A medical hobbyist is someone with no education and/or training in the medical field performing procedures once done only by doctors, for example: draining cauliflower ears, pulling out in-grown toe nails and my favorite: stitching sucking chest wounds.
I give no medical advice, can't prescribe medicine, however as far as application is concerned, I feel I am a damn good medical hobbyist.
I wonder if I can go to India and practice. All their doctors are practicing medicine here so they must be desperate. I was thinking Somalia for a while but that place is a bit lawless even for me... That being said, take this as my first official advertisement and/or services offered post. If anyone, and I mean anyone, is in need of a cauliflower ear drained, in-grown toe nail removed or as I said before, a sucking chest wound stitched, please let me know. I think I can lance a boil and or pack an abscess, too... of course I can't be sure as I have done neither one of those particular procedures, however I imagine they would be quite easy...I think...
br>
ON THE EASTERN FRONT: UBERMODEL HEIDI KLUM DEFEATS LOGIC; LOGIC MYSTIFIED
OHHHH....I SEE. SHE'S GOT CREAM ALL OVER HER ASS!!! WHY YES, THAT IS HILARIOUS MS. KLUM. MY "SPECIAL" FROSTING MADE WITH MY "SPECIAL" SAUCE IS ONE FUCKING LAFF RIOT. NOW, UM, RUB SOME ON YOUR LIPS, IF YOU WOULD. GREAT...GREAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. BY THE WAY, HOW'S THAT WHOLE RACE TRAITOR THING WORKING OUT FOR YOU? GOOD. GOOOOOOD. GLAD TO HEAR IT.
BERLIN (SkullGame) -- German SuperModel HEIDI KLUM'S famous long legs have been valued at more than $1.8 million by a jewelry specialist, lunatic and desperate-for-any-kind-of-publicity-at-all, John Souglides.
Souglides, from auction house Phillips De Pury & Co., assessed the Victoria's Secret skag's legs using the principles of jewelry evaluation -- length, shape, rarity, commercial value and the likelihood that cracking them open will lead to someone getting fucked -- so the 31-year-old can be insured for the duration of her ads for Braun's latest hair removal product.
Souglides says, "Having valued static objects for 15 years, it makes for a refreshing change to be asked to, um, get a knuckle-deep evaluation of the value of something living, breathing, yielding and warm and wet to the touch of my trembling hand."
"Phillips De Pury has been in the valuation business since 1796. Although we have valued some unusual and unique pieces in that time, this is the first time we have ever been asked to value a hot Nazi bitch like this one."
Aaand...from EARLIER this week!!!
THIS edition of SkullGame is brought to you by The Egyptian Tourism Board: "Egypt: It's A Real Mighty Fine Country of Non-Jews. Or Armenians. Who Will Try To Sell You Radios."
DOING BUSINESS WITH AN ARMENIAN: PREDICTABILITY IN ACTION.
MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ THOUGH PUERTO RICAN, IS NO FAN OF TOILET PLUNGER ASS RAPE. REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD FROM YOUR MEXICAN POT DEALER.
WHILE THE SULTRY LEATHER PANTS LOOK WORKS ON THE OUTSIDE, IN THE JOINT IT SPELLS ONLY ONE THING: LESBIAN PLUNGER ASS RAPE.
HAWAII (SkullGame) -- Actress MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ had an "amazing experience" in prison and has no regrets about being locked up. We mean outside of that whole unfortunate plunger-up-the-ass thing.
The actress, who plays Ana Lucia on the hit show Lost, and did not adequately account for the plunger ass fucking or even the possibility of plunger ass fucking, foolishly chose a jail sentence instead of 240 hours community service after being convicted of drunk-driving last month. She spent 65 hours behind bars.
Rodriguez says, "It was so cool. I love people, and it was a primal crew. The only thing that keeps them going is fighting for salt and making dice out of soap. And my mocha cream-colored ass.
"It was an amazing experience. I wouldn't take it back for anything. Well, all except for the prolapsed colon thing.
"I have a really good belief in destiny. It's, like, if I'm gonna be killed in there, I'm gonna be killed in there. But, yes, you are right. I could not have accounted for what an attractive target my ass would be for women jailed away from any reasonable source or sexual outlet."
"I represent the people, you know what I mean? I had love in there. People got where I'm coming from on the business end of a plunger."
And Rodriguez spent her time behind bars creatively.
She adds, "Drawing pictures for everybody on their shirts. Writing poetry. And singing show tunes with the girls. ... I'm not surprised they raped my ass."
In the hustle and bustle of the modern world there is an oasis of tranquility. A small spot where sleep and solace live. Where you can take a few minutes by yourself, for yourself. And that place is SkullGame Pines: A Community Where You Can Sleep Without Your Shoes.
"AS A STOCKBROKER MY DAYS WERE JUST A BUSY FRAZZLE OF HOLLERING INTO CELLPHONES. NOW AT SKULLGAME PINES I CAN REDISCOVER WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME."
"SMACK!!!"
And from Heinrich's Celebrity NewsWire...
ARYAN ACTRESS HEATHER GRAHAM NO LONGER PLANNING ON SHARING COOCH WITH WILY JEW FIEND
GRAHAM'S TAY TAYS ARE NOW SAFE FROM NON-CHRISTIAN INTERVENTION...BUT FOR HOW LONG?!?! HOW LONG?!?!
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- "Boogie Nights" beauty HEATHER GRAHAM is a single woman once again after parting ways with her producer beau and Christ Killer CHRIS WEITZ.
The couple, who dated for more than two racially troubling years, remain close, despite the well-known Jew tendency to sap the life force from the fine flower of Aryan womanhood wherever he may find it.
A GERMAN ARTIST'S RENDERING OF "PRODUCER" CHRIS WEITZ
Graham tells SkullGame, "I...I...I'm so confused." As well she might be after 24 months of steady Jewification. "I blame the heroin."
While pals say the pair's relationship dissolved in September, Graham still insisted on attending a October 24 fundraiser for the International Foundation for Terror Act Victims, which is close to Weitz's heart, what with his global desire to bring Jew terror wherever Jew terror currently isn't.
She adds, "When he called me about this event, I could feel the pull of the incredibly crafty yet highly stupid Jew menace already like, UPON me. But I could not resist. Oh, god. Please help me."
Our thanks go out to JIM DAVIS, following in the footsteps of SETH MAC FARLANE, he contributes this strip to today's SKULLGAME tribute to Anuses Week.
MAN. HE JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER DOESN'T HE?
ATTENTION PARENTS:
Are you tired of your son or daughter coming home from school, the victims of bullying?
Tired of children not posing the inner strength and wisdom to properly defend themselves?
Tired of your child lacking the self-discipline and focus that they need to get ahead?
Well, the answer is simple – ONE WORLD FITNESS!
Hi, my name is Steve Bleecker, owner and head instructor of One World Fitness. One World Fitness is a martial arts and boxing facility based in downtown San Mateo, California. In our 4,000 sqft facility, we have two fully equipped dojos and a full boxing gym. Five on-site specialist instructors provide a total of more than 35 classes each week, plus personal training. At One World, are goal is one thing – to take your child to the next level.
I started training in martial arts at the tender and succulent age of 6. Since then, I have had the opportunity and pleasure of being both on the receiving and giving end of, what we at One World like to call, the Pole of Knowledge. Because martial arts isn’t just about a lot of excessive physical contact, it’s about the intimate relationship that exists being master and pupil. And that’s why we want you to bring your children to us. And as we all know, the younger the better.
Now, you must be asking yourself, why I would be placing an ad for children’s martial arts on an adult-oriented website like Skullgame? Well, the answer is simple. Your child’s safety is a very adult subject. With all of the criminals and sexual predators roaming our streets, with law-enforcement unable to properly protect us, it is more of a crime for you not to bring them to me, than the alterative.
And don’t think just because I’m a martial arts master with over 30 years of martial arts training, that I just sit back and let one of my students teach our classes. I’m there, in the dojo, teaching every class, getting my hands dirty. Because teaching martial arts to a child is an art within itself. Like the sculptor takes a formless ball of clay and molds it into a beautiful piece of art, I take my hands and mold your child into a beautiful, young human being. Even if it means showing your child how to wear his/her uniform properly, I’m there to assist. Helping them take off their street clothes, putting on their athletic supporter, helping them slip into their uniform, and even helping them tie their belt around their little waist, I’m there to help. And my instruction goes beyond the dojo. Need a babysitter? Need someone to take your child to the park or to a movie? Just as long as it doesn’t conflict with the teaching schedule, I’m available to spend quality time with your young one.
People always ask me, “Steve, why don’t you settle down and have a kid of your own?” Well, just like Joe Pesci said in Goodfellas, “I settle down almost every night, but then in the morning I'm free!” And that’s how I feel about your kids. Because I treat everyone one of Tiger Tot’s like one of my own.
So parents, stop taking a chance with your child’s safely. Bring them to One World Fitness and let me, Steve Bleecker, take them to the next level.
One World Fitness
309 8th Ave.
San Mateo, CA 94401
tel: 650-340-8275
fax: 650-340-8276
owfkempo@yahoo.com
IN ACT OF GROSS NEGLIGENCE, TIME MAGAZINE MISTAKENLY NAMES SKULLGAME MEMBERS INDIVIDUALLY AS “PERSON OF THE YEAR.”
After seemingly running out of brutal, bloodthirsty dictators and fundamentalist bigots alike, Time Magazine goes one step further and gives every reprobate with a wandering eye the crown in the official, year-end “Thanks So Much For Your Efforts In Fucking Up The World This Year” award ceremonies.
Time.com (SkullGame)--Forgetting that in naming “you” as the winner of the Person of the Year award also extended to us, or at least those of us who managed to steal the Dec. 13th issue from neighborhood mailboxes, or picked the magazine up in the waiting room whilst visiting our probation officers, Time Magazine effectively bestowed its long sought-after award to the entirety of the SkullGame staff, and here is what each individual recipient had to say about it:
Vinnie Rose: “Who knew that sitting at your kitchen table, drunk off of wine, in the lonely hours of the night, since ruining your favorite computer chair, writing love letters to those who have long-since passed and hate mail to those who have not, would result in me being crowned the winner of the Man of Illegitimate Income award? Now if they only gave trophies for Wondering Where It All Went Wrong…
Italian Sal Pacino: “Am I surprised? I’d have to say ‘no.’ Unless you can point out another person in this room that has had sex with a bemoustached Armenian immigrant ‘woman’ this year. And took pictures of it. And showed people these pictures, keeping a straight face as they choked on their own yak. Western Importer of Most Lax Morals award? Yeah, that sounds about right.
Steely Rob: “Father of the Year? Holy shit.”
Judge Roy Bean: “To call it random would be a bit of an overstatement, what since I’ve kept my toothbrush in the shower for the past six months and all but, nonetheless, I’m glad they’ve finally started recognizing Getting Drunk and Pissing in the Sink as an Olympic sport, and passing out the due rewards. Say, do I get paid for this thing?”
Mr. Xtra: “After not lying nearly as much this year as I did last, in regards to how many women I didn’t sleep with…I mean didn’t sleep with me…I mean…thanks to my crippling Asian bitch porn addiction, wherein I work diligently towards convincing Japan to ban white men in totality…wait…what am I again?”
English Bob: “Well considering that I spent the lion’s share of the year lying on the floor of my kitchen in a dirty bathrobe, wet with my own urine and tears, after ingesting a heroic amount of unidentified pills that Vinnie Rose Fed Ex’d me, it’s a great surprise, upon awakening and finding everything in my life to be just as much of a fucking mess as when I last left it, that Martin Green has went and won himself the coveted position of Homosexual of the Year. Cheers Martin, you fuckin’ fag you.”
Butcher Bob: “I figured that leaving Milwaukee was the first step towards the Caribbean Convict of the Year award. I just didn’t know it was going to happen so quickly. Or that they were handing out blue ribbons in the middle of the night.”
Maximum: “I knew that one day I would be recognized for the sheer amount of 22 oz. Budweisers I can drink on a work night, bongs I can load on my lunch break, and rides I can let Judge Roy Bean bum rides off of me without turning his pockets inside out and shaking that motherfucker up and down over a freeway overpass. It would just take a little bit of time. I’d like to thank all the doctors for their help in making me Time Magazine’s Best Dude Who Beat a Staph Infection This Year award. It was a long, hard road…”
Heinrich Bimmler: “Jah, after helpings to rid zee toxic cesspool of zee California from all zee subhuman vermin type of Juden, Negro and Scientologist, one bullet at a time from mine vindow, just like zee Schvarzenegger told me to, I knew zat I vould be in zee running for zis avard. But I thinks it vas zee cockblocking of zee mud person Italian Sals Pacino zat put me in such gut favors with zee Fuhrer. Zat is vhy I am so happy to accepts this award for German Overachiever of zee Year. Sieg Heil and Guten Tag comrades!”
Cornholio: “The fuck did you just call me, motherfucker?”
Popeye Katsopolis: “Did I ever tell yous about the time I haphazardly wandered into the gay sex maze after haphazardly wandering into the gay sex club that haphazardly had a big neon sign with dicks on it glowing outside? Did I tell yous about how I spent a good 30 minutes and 5 dollars playing Frogger in the employee’s lounge of said haphazard gay sex establishment? Did I tell yous that all I wanted was just a fucking drink? That’s why I’m Time Magazine’s Non-Gay Person of the Year. It took a lot of work…”
A SKULLGAME SPOT QUIZ: WHAT DO YOU CALL A WHORE NAMED SARAH GIDICK WHO WON'T FUCK MEXICANS OR NEGROES?
"I'M NOT A WHORE...I'M JUST A 25, ER, UH 21 YEAR OLD 'COLLEGE' 'STUDENT'. IF I WAS A WHORE WELL, OF COURSE, I'D FUCK THEM. BUT I AM NOT A WHORE. I JUST TAKE MONEY FOR SEX."
SAN DIEGO (SkullGame) -- Republican SARAH GIDICK [dc22201@hotmail.com] will fuck men for money as long as they're not BLACK BASTARDS or MEXICAN GREASERS.
The SKULLGAME Spot Quiz:
IS She or IS SHE NOT a WHORE? Or perhaps she's more of a SLUT?
Voting at VINNIE@SKULLGAME.COM is open until Election Day. MAKE YOURSELF HEARD AMERICA!!!
