FROM HOLLYWOOD TO LAS VEGAS AND BACK AGAIN, SKULLGAME'S FRONTLINE REPORTERS ARE DIGGING THE DIRT THAT YOU DIG TO HAVE DUG
AXIS SPLIT!!! HAUPTSBAUMFUHRER HEIDI KLUM LEFT HOLDING THE BAG WHILE FASCIST FLAVIO BRIATORE FLEES. AGAIN.
"TO PARAPHRASE ULYSSES S. GRANT, I'VE BEEN FUCKED BY AN ITALIAN...AND I CAN FEEL IT."
BERLIN (SkullGame) -- Expectant parents, Fifth Columnists and two-thirds of The Axis power base, Naughty Nazi HEIDI "SHE-WOLF OF THE SS" KLUM and FLAVIO "EL CAZZO" BRIATORE have split up, just a few months before their union was to bear its most significant fruit.
The pregnant Klum decided to call off their non-aggression pact after it emerged that the 53-year-old Forumla 1 racing boss Briatore had been wooing American ally and heiress Fiona Swarovski. While ubermodel Klum has been spotted with the unlikeliest of partners, singer and zionist JOHN MAYER, this came only after an attempted allegiance with HIDEKI NOMO fell through.
.jpg)
SORROW. SORROW AND LONGING ARE MY CONSTANT COMPANIONS. OH... AND HUGE FUCKING BAGS OF CASH. THOSE TOO.
According to sources close to the pair, they intend to remain close for the sake of their unborn child. "Flavio and Heidi are still good friends. They talk everyday. But they aren't lovers. It's going to be an unconventional family. But Flavio and Heidi are both committed to being good parents. Well that and partitioning the Balkans."
MEG RYAN ROMANCES COUNSELOR IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ
SKULLGAME'S FRANKIE C. GETTING THE SCOOP FROM IRON MIKE
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- After being tossed to the fucking curb like an old, used, and chockful of chiz condom by the Knitting and Now Suspiciously Possibly Non-Hetero RUSSELL CROWE, America's Sweetheart, Adulteress MEG RYAN, is picking fights with the most respected attorney in America today, IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ, over her identity.
The esteemed counselor was convinced the actress was, in fact, MELANIE GRIFFITH when he, after her repeated intrusions into his dressing room, invited her to take photographs of him working out as a way to buy her off and "get her the fuck away from me."
"MIKE? OH MICHAEL. WOO WHO. ONCE YOU GO WITH AN AGING HAS-BEEN YOU CAN'T EVER GO BACK."
The actress admits she was trembling, from a mixture of fear, delight and extreme desire for sausage, throughout her encounter with the boxer and famed jurist -- especially when he became annoyed after mistaking her for Griffith.
OH FUCKING YES WE CAN!!!!
She recalls, "I somehow got into his dressing room. Perhaps it was the repeated cock-sucking motions I made while he was preparing and the whole time I'm thinking, 'How did I get into this? I mean outside of my schlong-sucking sassiness, fully reminiscent of my famous scene in WHEN HARRY MET SALLY.' Well, he was kind of ignoring me and then he looked at me and he said, 'I seen your mama's babies.'
"I said, 'I don't know what you mean,' and he goes, 'The lions and the tigers.'
"I'm so nervous, and the more I didn't understand the more angry he got. I thought, 'Does he think I'm like an actor who has an animal sanctuary?'
"I said, 'I'm not famed fascist BRIDGETTE BARDOT.' I don't know why I said that. Someone finally pointed out I was Meg Ryan and he said, 'I like Meg a lot, she's a great singer.' It was just so confusing.
"It turned out that he thought my mom was Tippi Hedren. When he found out I wasn't Melanie Griffith, he kicked me out. Later, we went back in and he was very gracious. I guess on account of all the cock sucking I offered to get back in."
MELANIE GRIFFITH, MEG RYAN, WHATEVER.
"It's a mockery of a travesty of a sham that a famed legal mind like TYSONWITZ'S should have his credibility slammed," said VALLEY VIDEO's head honcho and SkullGame Correspondent FRANKIE C. "By a fucking slut like MELANIE GRIFFITH. I mean how goddamned dare she."
ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO...
FIVE EASY PIECES: BRANDON IRON
ITALIAN SAL LOOKING LIKE HE STOLE SOMETHING WITH BRANDON IRON
SkullGame: Number one--Who do you like working with in the industry right now?
Brandon Iron: Oh wow, yeah that’s an easy question. There are so many good girls out there. BELLADONNA is great, JEWEL D'NYLE is great, it’s like the dream team of porn.
I DREAM OF JEWEL...THE FUCKSTRESS! NOT THE CRAPPY FUCKING SINGER
SG: Are you doing or planning to do more work behind the camera?
BI: I direct my own stuff, I edit my own stuff, because I know what I would want to see and I would rent my own movies. You know, if you have a vision, no one is going to do it exactly the way you are going to do it, so you might as well do it yourself.
SG: Do you have a line you want to plug?
BI: Anything from PLATINUM X PICTURES, right now their biggest seller is the "I LOVE IT ROUGH" series. It’s not even that rough, but it’s the kind of stuff that years ago I would pirate as a fan of other people’s stuff that I would just have to copy because it would be seared into my brain.
SG: What’s funnier, a midget… or a monkey in a tuxedo?
BI: Ah, a midget in one of those tuxedo t-shirts acting like a monkey.
SG: Okay Brandon, I’m going to veer off of our FIVE EASY PIECES format and ask you about an image that was so good it was seared into MY brain. It’s from a movie…
BI: Okay, don’t tell me the name of the girl or movie, just some inane detail and I could tell you who and where it was from.
SG: Well that’s good because I don’t have the girl’s name or the name of the movie, but the scene was just so good I just have to know what it is so I could run out and watch it. It starts out with you asking the girl “So, it’s my fault you’re a whore, everything that ever happened to you in your fucked up childhood is all my fault?”
BI: Yeah yeah, that one is on meatholes.com her name is CRYSTAL RAY. I worked with her once with JOEY SILVIERA in SERVICE ANIMALS. So they run my name by her and say to her “so you going to let him rough you up?” And she is like: “sure, sure no problem.” So, you know how it is with these girls? I must have gotten in this one’s head. I told her ‘look, I’m a nice guy, you’re a nice girl, but let’s do this one for real. I don’t like to do anything phony. I don’t want it to be like ‘Yeah fuck me fuck me.’ I want it to be real.
So I am really fucking her and getting really rough with her in a real way. And all of a sudden she gets to steamrolling, she just shuts up like a hostage victim. No reaction, nothing, so we stop and I ask her with the camera still rolling ‘So now I’m responsible for every mistake you have ever made in your life.’ And she is really crying now. ‘I’m responsible for you being a whore out there sucking cocks, that’s all my fault right?’ and she is nodding. Then I say to her: ‘I bet you want to hit me?’ and before I could get it all out, it was like BANG, she hit me. It was hard enough to have Mike Tyson backing up on his heels. So then as soon as I go to grab the arm that she had just hit me with she hits me with the other one. BANG, it was like total rape rage.
After that I am like 'it’s okay, that was good' and she is whimpering. So now the thing about that is… it’s real. I’m not saying it’s bad or good, but there are people out there who are into that kind of shit, I’m not saying it’s bad or good but that is the stuff, whatever button I pushed on her that day, that’s what some people want to see. But it doesn’t matter which company you work for whether it’s this company or that company, every guy in here wants to jack off to the hot girl taking the load.
CRYSTAL RAY: A DROP OF GOLDEN SUN
SG: Do you feel that you get too aggressive with some of these girls?
BI: You know it’s like if you’re the guy who didn’t get laid enough in high school. It’s not like you’re taking anything out on the girl, but if you’re the guy who didn’t get laid in high school, always getting turned down, shot down. I was always that geek. They were always like 'fuck you loser' so I feel like I might have missed out on something. Well it’s probably those types that are watching this stuff. I mean sure it unleashes some type of aggression that these were the girls in college who pissed all over me and now all it takes is a check and the tables are turned. So, sure, it does unleash some sort of aggression.
SG: Do you have any advice for people out there, 'wannabe whores,' so to speak who are trying to break into the business?
BI: I remember when I came out here in ‘95/96 as a fan, and in ‘97 I started trying to get into some movies. In ‘98/99 I started producing and a year ago RED LIGHT DISTRICT let me direct my first movie. But what that is, is a never say die and never quit attitude. You say you’re going to be a success in this industry, then do it. There are some people here today with no formal training who will get big just because they set their mind to it and go for it.
SG: Brandon Iron ladies and gentleman! Check out Brandon in Platinum X series “I Love It Rough” and in MY all time favorite scene that you could find here with Crystal Ray.
“I’m responsible for you being whore out there sucking cocks, that’s all my fault right?”
Indeed!
