Mack Avenue Skullgame
Vinnie Pick of the Week
pickofweek_box.jpg
If you're dealing with us?
Why, yes, you will be
[ Full Review ]








02.16.04
SKULLGAME EXTRA EXTREME SPECTACULAR: HEIDI KLUM UBER ALLES, MEG RYAN & MIKE TYSON KISS & FUCK UP, & BRANDON IRON TOUGHS IT OUT

FROM HOLLYWOOD TO LAS VEGAS AND BACK AGAIN, SKULLGAME'S FRONTLINE REPORTERS ARE DIGGING THE DIRT THAT YOU DIG TO HAVE DUG


AXIS SPLIT!!! HAUPTSBAUMFUHRER HEIDI KLUM LEFT HOLDING THE BAG WHILE FASCIST FLAVIO BRIATORE FLEES. AGAIN.

heidiho.jpg
"TO PARAPHRASE ULYSSES S. GRANT, I'VE BEEN FUCKED BY AN ITALIAN...AND I CAN FEEL IT."

BERLIN (SkullGame) -- Expectant parents, Fifth Columnists and two-thirds of The Axis power base, Naughty Nazi HEIDI "SHE-WOLF OF THE SS" KLUM and FLAVIO "EL CAZZO" BRIATORE have split up, just a few months before their union was to bear its most significant fruit.

The pregnant Klum decided to call off their non-aggression pact after it emerged that the 53-year-old Forumla 1 racing boss Briatore had been wooing American ally and heiress Fiona Swarovski. While ubermodel Klum has been spotted with the unlikeliest of partners, singer and zionist JOHN MAYER, this came only after an attempted allegiance with HIDEKI NOMO fell through.

HeidiKlum(01).jpg
SORROW. SORROW AND LONGING ARE MY CONSTANT COMPANIONS. OH... AND HUGE FUCKING BAGS OF CASH. THOSE TOO.

According to sources close to the pair, they intend to remain close for the sake of their unborn child. "Flavio and Heidi are still good friends. They talk everyday. But they aren't lovers. It's going to be an unconventional family. But Flavio and Heidi are both committed to being good parents. Well that and partitioning the Balkans."



MEG RYAN ROMANCES COUNSELOR IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ


FrankTyson.jpg
SKULLGAME'S FRANKIE C. GETTING THE SCOOP FROM IRON MIKE

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- After being tossed to the fucking curb like an old, used, and chockful of chiz condom by the Knitting and Now Suspiciously Possibly Non-Hetero RUSSELL CROWE, America's Sweetheart, Adulteress MEG RYAN, is picking fights with the most respected attorney in America today, IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ, over her identity.

The esteemed counselor was convinced the actress was, in fact, MELANIE GRIFFITH when he, after her repeated intrusions into his dressing room, invited her to take photographs of him working out as a way to buy her off and "get her the fuck away from me."

800x600_meg_ryan_wp_14.jpg
"MIKE? OH MICHAEL. WOO WHO. ONCE YOU GO WITH AN AGING HAS-BEEN YOU CAN'T EVER GO BACK."

The actress admits she was trembling, from a mixture of fear, delight and extreme desire for sausage, throughout her encounter with the boxer and famed jurist -- especially when he became annoyed after mistaking her for Griffith.

MegRyan_InTheCut_72.jpg
OH FUCKING YES WE CAN!!!!

She recalls, "I somehow got into his dressing room. Perhaps it was the repeated cock-sucking motions I made while he was preparing and the whole time I'm thinking, 'How did I get into this? I mean outside of my schlong-sucking sassiness, fully reminiscent of my famous scene in WHEN HARRY MET SALLY.' Well, he was kind of ignoring me and then he looked at me and he said, 'I seen your mama's babies.'

"I said, 'I don't know what you mean,' and he goes, 'The lions and the tigers.'

"I'm so nervous, and the more I didn't understand the more angry he got. I thought, 'Does he think I'm like an actor who has an animal sanctuary?'

"I said, 'I'm not famed fascist BRIDGETTE BARDOT.' I don't know why I said that. Someone finally pointed out I was Meg Ryan and he said, 'I like Meg a lot, she's a great singer.' It was just so confusing.

"It turned out that he thought my mom was Tippi Hedren. When he found out I wasn't Melanie Griffith, he kicked me out. Later, we went back in and he was very gracious. I guess on account of all the cock sucking I offered to get back in."

melanie-griffith-01.jpg
MELANIE GRIFFITH, MEG RYAN, WHATEVER.

"It's a mockery of a travesty of a sham that a famed legal mind like TYSONWITZ'S should have his credibility slammed," said VALLEY VIDEO's head honcho and SkullGame Correspondent FRANKIE C. "By a fucking slut like MELANIE GRIFFITH. I mean how goddamned dare she."



ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO...

FIVE EASY PIECES: BRANDON IRON

salBrandonIron.jpg
ITALIAN SAL LOOKING LIKE HE STOLE SOMETHING WITH BRANDON IRON

SkullGame: Number one--Who do you like working with in the industry right now?

Brandon Iron: Oh wow, yeah thatís an easy question. There are so many good girls out there. BELLADONNA is great, JEWEL D'NYLE is great, itís like the dream team of porn.

jewel.jpg
I DREAM OF JEWEL...THE FUCKSTRESS! NOT THE CRAPPY FUCKING SINGER

SG: Are you doing or planning to do more work behind the camera?

BI: I direct my own stuff, I edit my own stuff, because I know what I would want to see and I would rent my own movies. You know, if you have a vision, no one is going to do it exactly the way you are going to do it, so you might as well do it yourself.

SG: Do you have a line you want to plug?

BI: Anything from PLATINUM X PICTURES, right now their biggest seller is the "I LOVE IT ROUGH" series. Itís not even that rough, but itís the kind of stuff that years ago I would pirate as a fan of other peopleís stuff that I would just have to copy because it would be seared into my brain.

SG: Whatís funnier, a midgetÖ or a monkey in a tuxedo?

BI: Ah, a midget in one of those tuxedo t-shirts acting like a monkey.

SG: Okay Brandon, Iím going to veer off of our FIVE EASY PIECES format and ask you about an image that was so good it was seared into MY brain. Itís from a movieÖ

BI: Okay, donít tell me the name of the girl or movie, just some inane detail and I could tell you who and where it was from.

SG: Well thatís good because I donít have the girlís name or the name of the movie, but the scene was just so good I just have to know what it is so I could run out and watch it. It starts out with you asking the girl ďSo, itís my fault youíre a whore, everything that ever happened to you in your fucked up childhood is all my fault?Ē

BI: Yeah yeah, that one is on meatholes.com her name is CRYSTAL RAY. I worked with her once with JOEY SILVIERA in SERVICE ANIMALS. So they run my name by her and say to her ďso you going to let him rough you up?Ē And she is like: ďsure, sure no problem.Ē So, you know how it is with these girls? I must have gotten in this oneís head. I told her Ďlook, Iím a nice guy, youíre a nice girl, but letís do this one for real. I donít like to do anything phony. I donít want it to be like ĎYeah fuck me fuck me.í I want it to be real.

So I am really fucking her and getting really rough with her in a real way. And all of a sudden she gets to steamrolling, she just shuts up like a hostage victim. No reaction, nothing, so we stop and I ask her with the camera still rolling ĎSo now Iím responsible for every mistake you have ever made in your life.í And she is really crying now. ĎIím responsible for you being a whore out there sucking cocks, thatís all my fault right?í and she is nodding. Then I say to her: ĎI bet you want to hit me?í and before I could get it all out, it was like BANG, she hit me. It was hard enough to have Mike Tyson backing up on his heels. So then as soon as I go to grab the arm that she had just hit me with she hits me with the other one. BANG, it was like total rape rage.

After that I am like 'itís okay, that was good' and she is whimpering. So now the thing about that isÖ itís real. Iím not saying itís bad or good, but there are people out there who are into that kind of shit, Iím not saying itís bad or good but that is the stuff, whatever button I pushed on her that day, thatís what some people want to see. But it doesnít matter which company you work for whether itís this company or that company, every guy in here wants to jack off to the hot girl taking the load.

CrystalRay01.jpg
CRYSTAL RAY: A DROP OF GOLDEN SUN

SG: Do you feel that you get too aggressive with some of these girls?

BI: You know itís like if youíre the guy who didnít get laid enough in high school. Itís not like youíre taking anything out on the girl, but if youíre the guy who didnít get laid in high school, always getting turned down, shot down. I was always that geek. They were always like 'fuck you loser' so I feel like I might have missed out on something. Well itís probably those types that are watching this stuff. I mean sure it unleashes some type of aggression that these were the girls in college who pissed all over me and now all it takes is a check and the tables are turned. So, sure, it does unleash some sort of aggression.

SG: Do you have any advice for people out there, 'wannabe whores,' so to speak who are trying to break into the business?

BI: I remember when I came out here in Ď95/96 as a fan, and in Ď97 I started trying to get into some movies. In Ď98/99 I started producing and a year ago RED LIGHT DISTRICT let me direct my first movie. But what that is, is a never say die and never quit attitude. You say youíre going to be a success in this industry, then do it. There are some people here today with no formal training who will get big just because they set their mind to it and go for it.

SG: Brandon Iron ladies and gentleman! Check out Brandon in Platinum X series ďI Love It RoughĒ and in MY all time favorite scene that you could find here with Crystal Ray.

ďIím responsible for you being whore out there sucking cocks, thatís all my fault right?Ē

Indeed!


 


Name:

Email Address:

Body:



© 2003 Skullgame. All rights reserved.