BUT first....from the SkullGame Geopolitical Investigative Unit & Loads: an investigation into aggressive public policy and penile length.
CONDOMS TOO BIG FOR PAKISTANI MEN; PAKISTANI MEN BLAMING INDIA; INDIA SAYING "AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME."
GREAT. JUST FUCKING GREAT.
PANIKISTAN (SkullGame) -- While the public connection between penile length and political bellicosity has been well established with German and Japanese men, 75 % of the Axis powers, sporting some of the tiniest tools, Pakistani men, despite a long history of angry acting out had been ignored. Until now. A survey of more than 1,000 men in Pakistan has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Pakistani men.
The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms. It has led to a call for condoms of mixed sizes to be made more widely available in Pakistan. The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research and had over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country having their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimeter by very happy men named "Bruce."
The conclusion of all this scientific endeavor is that about 60% of Indian men have penises that are between three and five centimeters shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.
When reached for comment men in America said "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....OH, OH, WAIT, WAIT...HAHAHAHAHAHA.....NOW GIMME MY GODDAMNED SLURPEE!!!"
BRITNEY TO MADONNA: "LE'SBE FRIENDS..."; MADONNA, THROUGH HER AGENT: "HOMO YOU DON'T."
WHOA WHOA, HEYYYYY....EAAASSSSYYYYY...
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Taking a break from a little Li'l Negro hunting, MADONNA has noted that she hasn't so much kept in touch with BRITNEY SPEARS since the two shared an uncomfortably calculated kiss at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards and insists they just "drifted apart. What on account of me not being an overweight trailer park brood cow who doesn't have the sense to get her kids from decent hard working Nigras."
The pair made headlines around the world when they sang together and engaged in a steamy lip-lock at end of their performance that chilled in its naked transparency. Madonna explains jokingly, "We just worked together at that period of time. We shared a kiss, and I never saw her again. That's how it is, I guess. When you're a calculating cunt, I mean."
PERSONAL HISTORICAL REVISIONIST & KILL CRAZY CUNT COURTNEY LOVE COMMITS TO RENDERING HER TENDER LOVE WITH COBAIN AS A STORY OF HER "SELFLESS DEVOTION". COMPLETELY SKIPPING THE WHOLE "MURDERING MY HUSBAND" PART.
WE'D ALSO SUGGEST SKIPPING THE LAST 25 YEARS AS AN IRRESOLUTE WHORE, TOO.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- COURTNEY LOVE has acquired the rights to Charles Cross' celebrated biography on her late husband KURT COBAIN, "Heavier Than Heaven," and plans to turn it into a movie.
Love is now reportedly in talks with a number of top Hollywood studios with a view to immortalizing the Nirvana frontman's life on the big screen, leaving out the completely catastrophic effect her involvement had on her sensitive cross-dressing junkie husband.
In a posting on her fansite MoonwashedRose.com, Love revealed the film project is "in an embryonic stage," adding, "(There's) no script and no director attached, yet, who are willing to overlook the obvious implications my murdering Kurt might have had on the whole 'tender love story' part."
MAX HARDCORE: STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS & YEARS & YEARS & YEARS
"SAY 'HELLO,' DUMMY." "HELLO DUMMY." "PERFECT."
Last time STEELY ROB interviewed MAX HARDCORE Max had one of his broads drink a cup of his piss. That is: Steely Rob's piss. With that kind of hospitality you know we'd be back. And we were.
Why do your videos make us feel like we're committing crimes?
MAX HARDCORE: With Max, it’s personal. If you take a look at a situation with ERIK EVERHARD in a roundabout with two other guys and a girl, or a SEAN MICHAELS scene... they don’t have a compelling stage presence. I may not be the prettiest boy around, but I definitely have one of the most compelling stage personas. And the way I am able to control the action, people are able to get into my character and say, ‘yeah! That’s what I want to see!’ So it’s not just personal for me – which wouldn’t mean anything – it’s personal to all the men that watch it... in a tongue-in-cheek way.
What I represent is the guy that’s going to get even. Every guy, I’m sure you included, has been smitten by some babe; with some guys, many, many times over. Well, it’s payback time with Max. Guys can get into that; and in a strange sort of way, some women can get into that, too, because they’re tired of Milquetoast guys with no personality, who don’t say what they mean and don’t go for it.
Are you a member of AARP? What I mean is: what keeps you going after doing this for 10+ years?
MH: I’m doin’ it for myself. I don’t give a fuck if it hurts them when I fuck them up the ass. You know why? Because it makes my cock feel so damn good. I’ll stick a dildo in their pussy while I fuck ‘em in the ass just because it makes my cock feel better. It’s not to make them feel better. It makes me sound like a chauvinist, arrogant pig, but I’m portraying a character. I’m not a bad guy; I just play one on TV. In real life, I wouldn’t pick up an 18-year old, innocent girl on Colorado Boulevard, bring her over and shove her down on the couch, pull her panties down, pull out my cock and start face-fucking her. I know the difference between fantasy and reality. But I have a feeling in me that I want to fuck the best looking girls that I can. I’m in my mid-40s, and I’m fucking a 22 year-old with 36 DDs... ‘cause that’s what I want. I willed it to happen.
What a lot of people don’t know about Max Hardcore is that it’s willpower. Failure is not an option. You can be sure we’ll have a plan A, B and C.
Surely you must have a failure story.
MH: I’ll tell you about one that happened recently. The girl’s name was Lynn. She comes over, sits here, and I showed her what it’s all about. ‘I’m gonna fuck you in the ass, I’m gonna piss down your throat, I’m gonna throat fuck you 'til you puke; if you puke, we film it and we don’t stop. If you have a problem, let us know, because I’m paying you a lot of fucking money to do what I’m telling you to do. You can leave right now.’
OK.
So I pissed on the fucking girl 10 minutes into the video and she flips the fuck out. ‘You just pissed on me!’ ‘Yeah, I just pissed on you. I showed you the pictures and the videos.’ ‘I thought you were going to use a hose or something!’ I said, ‘are you stupid or just blind? If you can’t handle it, we’re just gonna pull the plug on this.’ I didn’t like the fucking smelly whore anyway, and I wasn’t going to force her to keep going if she didn’t want to. In fact, I didn’t really want to.
She’s fucking crying for like 10 minutes, and we had the violins going in the trailer. I let her cool down a bit and said, ‘you know, babe, there are two things that can happen today: You can leave now with zero dollars and zero cents, and I will never put the fucking flick out; or B, my marshmallow assistant will fuck you up the ass in the bathroom as if he was comforting you. And she asks, ‘well, how much does that pay?’ and I said, ‘that pays 300 bucks, because you only gotta be there for a couple minutes.’ A normal anal scene is $800-1000 or more. She says 'OK'. He fucked the shit out of her. She got exactly what she deserved that day. And before she leaves, she asks me if she can have a sticker. It’s in the video.
COLTS BARELY DON'T CHOKE TODAY, SO THEY CAN DEFINITELY CHOKE TOMORROW; BUT CHARGERS' IMPATIENCE RESULTS IN IMMEDIATE CHOKING, FUCKING THE POOCH ON OUR POINT SPREAD.
THANK YOU MARTY SCHOTTENHEIMER!!! WE DIDN'T REALLY NEED FEBRUARY'S RENT ANYWAY!!!
