THE less said about this past weekend the fucking better.
"THIS IS ALL SO CONFUSING," SAYS A FUNDAMENTALLY & DEEPLY DISTURBED MR. NICKY BALLS.
A HIGH-ON-LIFE [PCP] SEBASTIAN JANIKOWSKI SAVES THE FUCKING DAY FOR THE HIGH-ON-CRACK [WAY OF LIFE] OAKLAND RAIDERS
RAIDERS HEAD COACH NICK NOLTE STEERS THE SAGE KIND OF LEADERSHIP THAT COMES FROM SCRATCHING YOUR BALLS & SMELLING YOUR FINGERS IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARD
OAKLAND (SkullGame) -- This was supposed to be the week Randy "Green Leaf" Moss got more involved in the offense. Instead, two Raiders who had struggled in the first three games helped Oakland to its first win. LaMont "KJ" Jordan ran for 126 yards and scored some touchdowns and good weed in the process, and SEBASTIAN "E-Man" JANIKOWSKI kicked four field goals that he believed were interplanetary love bombs and Oakland's defense put together a late goal-line, emphasis on line, stand Sunday to lead the Raiders to a 19-13 victory over the Dallas Cowboys.
The game, a thriller to the end, wasn't decided until the final 2 minutes, however. Trailing 19-13 after Janikowski's 43-yard field goal or like he likes to call them "hooch lasers" with 4:29 left, Dallas (2-2) drove inside the 5 with help from a 57-yard pass from Drew Bledsoe to Terry Glenn. But Tommy Kelly hit Julius Jones for a 2-yard loss on second down from the 3, and Bledsoe followed with two straight incompletions to give Oakland the ball with 1:45 to go.
But Jordan ran six times for 38 yards and also caught a pass on the first drive of the second half, setting up Janikowski's 23-yard field goal to make it 13-3. Janikowski, who missed four field goals the first three games, mostly on account of court-ordered mandatory drug testing from which he has now been freed, kicked two long field goals in the fourth quarter and was perfect on the day, as well as being extremely, extremely high.
The Raiders, less out of malice and more out of gross senses of disorientation, is the most penalized team in the NFL, and committed 13 more infractions connected to wandering about the field, trying to have sex with the actual football, and the presence of animals on he field, including three in the first 74 seconds of the fourth quarter.
SKULLGAME PERSONAL OF THE WEEK; SUBCLASSIFICATION: BITCH
MEET ZAKIYA JOHNSON...
"Hi, my name is Zakiya Johnson. I recently moved to the Bay Area (Vacaville to be specific) from Philadelphia, and I have to say, I'm not impressed with the men here at all (in Vacaville). I'm a pretty down to earth person, but I feel that in order for me to be happy in a relationship, I really need to meet a man that's my equal. I'm attractive and intelligent and don't think that I am out of line for wanting the same.
I really enjoy reading, working out, walks on the beach, shopping, movies, TV, spending time with friends and family, and I just love being around kids. Please be neat, clean, well-dressed, not prone to cursing or otherwise profane languageology, drug and disease free, comfortable using condoms, and even more comfortable waiting as long as I think I need to wait before having sex so that I know that he has the kind of respect for me that I have for myself. I'm special and deserve the best and if that's NOT you don't call or write.
484-410-5356
blasian484@yahoo.com
ME THINKETH THE LADY DOTH PROTEST TOO FUCKING MUCH. FOR A DRUNKEN WHORE.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Blonde bubblehead TARA REID is close to breaking point after new TV show, "Taradise," was axed by producers and other offers of work have been withdrawn, on account of huge amounts of sucking. And not the good kind either. Well, actually that's true. There's been plenty of that, as their is a wealth of opportunity for a girl who knows how to use her head. Just not enough.
The "American Pie" star is distraught and drunk with the decision and has mumblingly fired her publicist, who Reid staggeringly believes cultivated the drunken party-girl reputation she has been labeled with. In an interview with Chaunce Hayden of Steppin' Out magazine she was visibly strained and emotional, and not just a little snockered.
Her voice was cracked as she said, "People think I am just a party girl, and it's bull. I wish the media would just tell the truth. I didn't want to look like a total party-girl drug retard. I'm not a drunk. ... I don't have a drinking problem. I don't have a drug problem, for sure. I'm just fed up. I just want a chance again. I want to show that I am an actress. How many more years are the media going to pick on me? There's other new, young, bad girls. Move on to someone else!"
SkullGame to Fat Tramp: No.
INTERGENERATIONAL SEX MARAUDER STOPPED. FINALLY.
YOU AIN'T MISSING NOTHING, JACK.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Hollywood near-septugenarian and BTK lookalike JACK NICHOLSON was left red-faced after trying to woo British actress Anna Friel (above) -- the feisty redhead told him that while he was old enough to drop a load on her, he was also old enough to be her grandfather. Minus all the load dropping stuff.
Nicholson, 68, first saw the beauty starring in the Broadway play "Closer," and was determined to seduce the 29-year-old star. But Friel, who lives with actor David Thewlis and stars in the soccer movie "Goal!," refused to be charmed.
She says, "He was really flirtatious. And I went, 'Give over! How many women have you said that to? You're old enough to be my grandad'. It was disgusting and a little bit sad. Sort of like my breasts."
