WE live in SAN FRANCISCO. We're presently just smooooooottthhhheeeed out on valium and a nice fucking goddamned merlot so don't roach our buzz. SAL says let's go out and get some food and when we do we see THIS...
"HI. I AM HERE TO DESTROY YOUR WORLD!!!!"
...now whether she really wanted LOADS, had them for sale, was enquiring as to the general state of loadology, or was photoshopped by a bored JUDGE ROY BEAN we don't really know. We DO know it took several more valium to smooth out the remainder of the day after seeing the hair under her arms that's been growing there since 1977 when she decided beauty was a fucking MYTH.
NEXT UP: SkullGame writers showing their nuts to the world to bring attention to World Peace. And nuts.
MIKE TYSON REPORTEDLY “CAN’T WAIT TO PROCRASTINATE ON A BITCH” WHEN ASKED ABOUT POSSIBLE PORN CAREER.
"I'M GONNA ILLUSTRATE WHERE BABIES IS FROM," TYSON SMILES THROUGH GAPPED TEETH & DISTANT GAZE.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) — MIKE TYSON -- former heavyweight champion, convicted rapist, and spelling bee aficionado -- is seemingly overjoyed at being approached by veteran load disposer JENNA JAMESON to star in an upcoming adult feature that promises to set two consecutive world records for the largest amount of ill-advised tattoos in one bed and the lowest SAT scores in any single scene in motion picture history.
Praising Allah as boxes of Grape Kool-Aid mix, Thorazine, and Hooked On Phonics instructional booklets were hauled away by federal repossession agents, Tyson commented “That ass is gonna be deliberated when I get on the scene. I’m gonna exemplify up in all they orthodoxies.”
When asked about the sudden career shift from extricated sideshow gorilla to professional load blower, Tyson responded “I plan to demodulate on every hos chin they let me near. I used to break smiles and own leopard print underwear, now I’m gonna break leopard print underwear and own smiles. Nothing will impede my championship. It’s going to be a great moment in commemoration.”
JESSICA SIMPSON CELEBRATES THE DUKES OF HAZZARD OPENING AT #1 BY DOING THE WATUSI UNTIL SHE DISCOVERS THAT WHAT SHE THOUGHT WAS THE WATUSI WAS REALLY JUST AN OLD-FASHIONED BLOWJOB
"WOO HOO....I WANNA DO ANOTHER WATUSI!!! EVEN IF IT DOES LEAVE A FUNNY AFTER TASTE!!!"
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Professional, um, professional.....ah....shit...um...professional Object of Jerk Fantasies Due to Both Her Bubbles And Her Bubblehead, JESSICA SIMPSON was thrilled to beat "singer" BRITNEY SPEARS for the role of Daisy Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard, the now #1 movie in a country going straight to goddamned Hell, and has taken a backhanded swipe at the superslut singer in a move described by many as both "highly ironic" and "not funny at all," while some even swept it away with a blanket condemnation of being both "pot and kettlesque."
The victory was all the more sweet because Simpson missed out on a part in kids show "The Mickey Mouse Club" because of Spears -- but the "Newlyweds" star now insists she's glad she never made the grade.
Simpson says, "I'm glad I didn't get the 'Mickey Mouse Club'. I got to be a normal kid. You know, wearing push-up bras, practicing stuff on cucumbers and such. It makes me more 'proud' to have 'gone through' 'failure' and then have 'success'. Blubbedy blub blub blub...bubble rubble dubble."
RAFT OF RUSHING NANCIES HIT HALL OF FAME WITH ONE OBJECTIVE & ONE OBJECTIVE ONLY: MAN ASS
WHAT?!?! WHAT?????
OHIO (SkullGame) -- STEVE YOUNG, DAN MARINO and a klatch of other near-non-homosexuals were inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame yesterday despite all of that gay shit that's dogged them for years. The 1992 and '94 league MVP after taking over for Montana in San Francisco, and the career passing efficiency leader, Young guided the 49ers to the '94 championship, as well as a few noteworthy clothing optional, chaps mandatory SF watering holes in his off-hours.
"I can taste the pride I felt to be able to put on a 49ers jersey and represent the great city of San Francisco," Young lisped Sunday. "In San Francisco, I found football in its newly enlightened form. I found heaven on Earth for football. And for football players. Who maybe just needed a little time out of the limelight to, you know, fraternize with their fans. Up close. Very, very up close."
Young began his career in the USFL with the Los Angeles Express, followed by two seasons with the Buccaneers before Bill Walsh acquired him in 1987. It wasn't until Montana was injured in 1991 that Young became the starter.
He never looked "back".
"Football is the rarest of sports in that you cannot do it alone," Young pursed his lips. "The celebration is so much richer when you do it with a group of others. That feeling when you do something great together is like nothing other. When one of the guy's say, `I've got your back,' it is not figurative."
Yeah. Exactly.
