But first this NEWSFLASH: SkullGame, in association with FUCKING, NOT KILLING Inc. and VICE Magazine, is branding a line of dildos. The Vice-SkullGame
Cocks: The Gift You're Getting Dildoes
will be the perfect stocking stuffer, ass plugger and/or alternative to real cock you've yet to see. Today. Modeled after the cocks of some of your favorite SkullGame cocks and limited to a run of only 500, this is sure to be as big of a hit as something that's a really big hit. Like Parcheesi.
OUR PLUS SIZE SPOKESMODEL WITH "THE ANIMAL THUG"
MADONNA WILLING TO EXPORT HER SWILL....FOR FREE NOW!!!
"I WILL DESTROY YOUR CAREER!!!!" MADONNA PICTURED HERE, LAYING IN WAIT, FOR YET ANOTHER UNSUSPECTING CAREER TO TROUNCE
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Professional slut, hirer of multiple nannies and religious zealot MADONNA has signed up to play a transvestite in a new movie that as sure as the sun will rise or the moon will set is doomed to ignominious failure at the hands of her ham-handed theatricality -- and she reportedly was so desperate for the role she waived all payment. Natch.
The Buyer of Red Jew Ribbons has finally secured the chance to play CANDY DARLING, a prostitute with tits and a cock, after chasing the part for years, in order to destroy it and the careers of everyone associated with it, writes British newspaper the Sun.
Darling starred in a number of ANDY WARHOL films and provided LOU REED with the inspiration to write "Candy Says" and "Walk on the Wild Side." An insider says, "Madonna has been desperate to make a film, ANY film, where she can 'earn' 'respect' for her 'acting' 'abilities'. She is still trying to shake off the crushingly bad publicity from the crushingly bad movie 'Swept Away,' directed by her erstwhile husband, Ol' What's His Name, who had been known as a director of note prior to being raped by the rollercoaster of her sluttish scene chewing.
"She has wanted to play this part for so long because she feels so strongly about the character. The guy with a cock and tits. Well that and her need to destroy even more careers. She said she would do anything for the part and a chance to drive ruination into the hearts of many more dreamers. So much so that she has agreed to work for free."
We wait. Expectantly. Sadly. Fearfully.
JENNNIFER LOPEZ, IN A LAST DITCH ATTEMPT TO FUCK HIS PROSPECTS INTO NOTHINGNESS, CONTEMPLATES TOURING WITH HER UNSUSPECTING HUSBAND, MARC ANTHONY
YES, YES. SHE IS A BITCH....THANKS FOR ASKING. NEXT QUESTION?
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- JENNIFER LOPEZ is reportedly planning, in a frantic fit of high concept bitchery, to "give" "fans" "around the world" a "taste" of her live performances wherein she throws dishes, sends dinner back two or three times, and shrieks at waitstaff with husband MARC "OH GOD SAVE ME" ANTHONY -- by, get this... going on a My Career's Fucked, How's Yours? tour with the salsa singer.
Lopez and Anthony, who exchanged nuptials last June, performed together for the first time on Sunday, when they sang a Spanish-language duet at the Grammys with Lopez performing a note-by-note imitation of LINDA MCCARTNEY, and now sources say they plan to hit the road together.
Curvaceous bitch Lopez is already set to accompany her husband on a brief "Bringing Sand To The Beach" tour of Spain at the end of the month, if she is feeling better from the innumerable ill-expressed ills vocally expressed in endless toe-tapping frenzies of impatience and balefulness and connected largely to everything from the color of things in the room to "that asshole father of yours," and now Anthony, a glutton for punishment, is reportedly trying to persuade her to join him on a more extensive tour later in the year.
A source tells magazine Us Weekly, "He wants to do it, but she has been trying to see if it is the right thing because her career is so fucking smoking right now. Not. Jen's people have advised her not to because they hate her too and so have said that it's bad for her 'career.' They tell her that she's too mainstream to tour with him. He needs her, but she doesn't need him. They are, it should be noted, as are we all, secretly plotting her downfall by blowing such likewise smoke up her voluminous ass."
SKULLGAME ABSENCES: BULLSHIT, LIES & PREVARICATIONS, SPONSORED BY JIMMY THE G
"MAN. SKELETONGAME IS MY FAVORITE WEBSITE. CAN YOU SEN' ME MORE MONEY FOR WEED...."
SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) -- Perhaps you have noticed that our usual three times a week revision of said SKULLGAME pages has been spotty these past few months. Perhaps you've noticed the reruns we've been running. Perhaps you're in the cell next to us. In any case in a continuing series of excuse generation SkullGame writer JIMMY THE G offered the following doozie.
"Vinnie,
I admit, the 80 hour work weeks have ended. But it's the lack of weed has left me with few of those urges furiously to yank at my groin. I am attaching a review, a hastily fabricated excuse for why I
haven't written anything lately, and a picture of myself, hard at work, so you understand how fucking hard it is. (For me not to look completely gay.)
I have been trying to obtain the substances necessary to shirk the many other resposibilities in my life, and sit dazed before the cathode ray fucktron, forming opinions to share with the lotion-fisted
masses that read SkullGame, which is great without my contributions, even. Hopefully, someone is coming through for me tonight.
As if it wasn't all I could do to prepare to get around to ONE IN THE PINK, ONE IN THE STINK #5, I just got a very thick package from Metal Rob, full of MORE PORN. So I really feel this small, now that I get
your email on the same day. I can't sleep, so I might just have to try the one thing sure to wear me out - the mighty exertion of lifting my cock out of my zipper one more time.
Haven't forgotten. My weed.
ciao,
JIMMY THE G"
