Mack Avenue Skullgame
Vinnie Pick of the Week
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If you're dealing with us?
Why, yes, you will be
[ Full Review ]








02.25.05
HUNTER S. THOMPSON IN WELL-TIMED SUICIDE MOVE PROVIDES SKULLGAME WITH ALL THE EXCUSE IT NEEDS TO GET HIGHER THAN FUCKING KITES; PLUS: PARIS HILTON STILL A HO

In a stunning tribute to the passing of HUNTER S. THOMPSON, SkullGame's own RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES, JR. met this girl, wigged out in her Thompson lid and 30 hits of German liquid LSD...

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ICH BIN EIN TOTALLY HIGH FUCKING SLUT WITH GOOOOOOOD DRUGS!!!!

...and dropped acid with her and then in a burst of almost SkullGame thinking took out his brand new truck and well...we'll just let him document this GREAT MOMENT IN ALMOST GREAT THINKING-DOING. Why the ALMOST? Well, nobody'd have had to tell PERRY THE GREEK that it's only funny when you smash someone ELSE'S fucking truck. But Ray is a young man yet.

"Hey, what's up? I'm lucky to be writing this right now. I was on my way to a booty call sunday night, and I slammed my truck into a fucking guard-rail going about 50mph. My back is kind of fucked up, but otherwise I'm fine. My goddamn truck is totalled though. I'm also facing a D.W.I. I feel like a fucking idiot, but what's done is done, no sense in crying over what's already done. I'll try to get those reviews in asap, but it might take longer than I thought, because I've got so much shit to deal with right now. Sorry. -- RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES, JR.

P.S.- Don't worry, it's not going to take me that long."

His dedication to the cause of Casa Skull is admirable in the goddamned extreme. We can only wish that his dedication to bringing tripped out hippie bitches by the offices whom we'd fuck whilst wearing our ceremonial pig masks was as extant.



NAOMI CAMPBELL TELLS SKULLGAME, "COCAINE ALMOST SAVED MY LIFE!"

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..."IT LIFTS YOU UP, WHILE IT SMOOTHS YOU THE FUCK OUT. AGGGGHHHHH....I SAID, 'NO...WIRE...HANGERS!!!!'"


LONDON (SkullGame) -- NAOMI CAMPBELL says she nearly self-improved from her use of cocaine. Campbell tells Diane Sawyer on "Primetime Live" that she's glad she recovered, but acknowledges that it's still difficult.

"It was a rebellion in a certain way. You know?" the British supermodel says. "I don't want to be in that pain again. I don't want to be in that place. Cocaine almost made me easy to be around. Never again."

Campbell, 34, said she first tried cocaine when she was 24 but stopped before "something would have happened. Some self-improvement thing. I always did drugs before I would go on the runway because I knew that's when I was an active addict. I knew that they could see my eyes," she said, clearly still bent beyond belief on any possible combinations of cocktails, cocaine and carpet crack.

Campbell said she assumes others knew of her addiction to self-improvement at the time. "People aren't stupid. ... you think people don't know, but they know. They know. I mean, that's your mind playing tricks on you." In 2004, she won her appeal in a privacy case against a London newspaper that published photographs of her leaving a drug counseling meeting. Her lawyer said Campbell hadn't objected to the Daily Mirror's reporting that she had a drug problem and had misled the media about it, but only to its publication of details of her treatment that included throwing ashtrays, keeping everyone in the world waiting forever for no discernible reason, and long and withering glares at anyone saying anything that doesn't immediately begin or end with the words NAOMI CAMPBELL.



PROOF POSITIVE: PARIS HILTON'S WHORISH WAYS CONFIRMED BEYOND ALL SHADOW OF A STREET BLOWJOB

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OH, FUCK IT. YOUSH MADE ME LOOSH COUNT....$1 MILLION & 2, $1 MILLION & 10, $1 MILLION...

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- PARIS HILTON's recent cell phone hack mishap has uncovered private notes leading to speculation over the hotel heiress' involvement in the release of her infamous sex tape was not as goddamned innocent as the slack-jawed slut might have made it first appear.

Because TV show "Celebrity Justice" discovered two intriguing personal notes stored in Hilton's phone: A note, dated last November, simply reads, "Ian Eisenburg at Mavard." Mavard is the Internet porn company responsible for releasing clips of the home video featuring Hilton and her then-boyfriend Rick Salomon. Another note, dated last October, reads, "Check from Rick," prompting speculation it's from Salomon.

When the clips were first released in November 2003, Hilton, Marvad and Salomon began a war of lawsuits. Hilton was outraged over the Internet footage and Salomon denied he released them. Then, one by one, the lawsuits were quietly dropped.

Salomon went on to make a fortune by releasing the entire sex tape, and Hilton has never acknowledged getting any cut of the profits. Because in all likelihood SHE IS A LYING, FUCKING CONNIVING SATCHEL MOUTHED SLATTERN.

Thank you very much.



JESSICA SIMPSON HOSPITALIZED; SEMEN BLAMED

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WHAT?!? WHAT?!?! IT'S THIS NEW TYPE OF YOGA!!! SERIOUSLY!!!

CHICAGO (SkullGame) -- Bubble-headed butt queen JESSICA SIMPSON was briefly hospitalized on Monday after she was struck down with a "stomach virus."

The 24-year-old singer was filming a segment for Oprah Winfrey's hit talk show when she suddenly "fell ill". Simpson's representative Brad Cafarelli tells People magazine, "While Jessica was in Chicago shooting a segment for Oprah, she contracted a 'stomach virus' that had nothing to do with busboy semen, and subsequently became dehydrated. She is already feeling better after a semen chaser and being checked into, and released from, a local hospital for rehydration before flying back to Los Angeles."

Simpson was well enough to return to sucking Tuesday.


 


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