And celebrating continues in a style to which we've hardly become accustomed, COLIN POWELL, niggering it up with his searing hip-hop rendition of YMCA, a paean to unrestrained cocksucking, shows us in no uncertain terms: working for WHITEY is ALRIGHTY!!!
CAN I GET A SHOT OUT FOR MY NIGGA, 'PAC?!?
LOPEZ PRETENDED TO VOMIT TO AVOID SEX
WAIT. WAIT. I THINK I'M GOING TO BE FUCKING SICK. WHAT!? YOU TOO?
ASTOUNDONIA (SkullGame) -- The only existing person on Earth whose existence she herself recognizes, JENNIFER LOPEZ, neither confirmed nor denied reports by one of her multiple ex-husbands, OJANI NOA, that she rushed to the bathroom and pretended to vomit whenever he asked her for sex.
The former waiter says, "Whether it was a period that lasted a month, the ol' vomit trick or the restraining order, it became really obvious to me that she wasn't going to up the dagnabiddy. And by this I mean the snappy dug out. In other words, the ching chang. Despite an entire nation that desired that she fuck herself, she wasn't about no fucking. It upset me a lot."
And a nation of rap Negroes named P. DIDDY smile sagely. And make the universal jerk-off sign.
MIKE JOHN: LOUDER THAN A FUCKING BOMB!!!
A TEENAGE SPERMAHOLIC COPPING HER COCONUT SQUEEZINGS THE ONLY WAY SHE KNOWS HOW!!!
SAN FERNANDO VALLEY (SkullGame) -- MIKE JOHN, auteur of hard-hitting social commentaries like, SEMEN SIPPERS and NO CUM DODGING ALLOWED, as well as, his life’s opus, TEENAGE SPERMAHOLICS, sat with me, SAL of SKULLGAME infamy...in what will be looked at for years to come as one of my finest interviews that did not end with me being hung up on and/or subpoenaed.
Sal: Mike John! Good morning my good man. To what do I owe this nice surprise?
Mike John: Eh…You called me. Marcelle told me you were going to call me to do an interview and I just answered my phone.
Sal: Pardon?
Mike John: Forget it. I just called to say hey. So…Hey!
Sal: Mike, it’s really a bad time and I got no time to chitchat. I’m truly sorry. I have to go.
Mike John: Come on man! You just woke me up. It's 9 a.m. and I woke up just to do this interview, please, Marcelle told me you would be calling.
Sal: You’re a friend of Marcelle!? I love his work.
Mike John: She’s a woman.
Sal: Yes, yes she is. What’s your name again?
Mike John: IT’S MIKE JOHN! You just called me to do an interview.
NO CUM DODGING ALLOWED...AND WE CAN SEE WHY THE FUCK NOT
Sal: Ah yes! The interview. What do you think you could bring Chase Manhattan, I mean…are you a team player?
Mike John: Not that kind of interview!
Sal: I’m just fucking with you Mike. Let's get the interview started.
Mike John: Thank God. I was beginning to think I was on candid camera.
Sal: I have to tell you, the first thing that I noticed about the extensive library of films you have made is that for the most part you got kind of a niche going. I will call off a few titles: SEMEN SIPPERS, NO CUM DODGING ALLOWED and TEENAGE SPERMAHOLICS. That’s just a few. Do you have something for chicks drinking cum?
Mike John: WELL SURE. I MAKE MOVIES THAT I WOULD LIKE TO WATCH. IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE LIKE TO WATCH THEM TOO. DRINKING CUM IS A PRETTY COMMON FETISH ACTUALLY.
Sal: What would you say the fascination is caused by?
Mike John: Well it’s definitely the commitment involved in the act. Swallowing someone’s load says a lot. You are ingesting something that came out of someone’s body. It is a serious commitment. Think of it this way, someone tells you have to do one of two things: Eat this pile of shit, or rub it all over your face. If you rub it on your face, you can always shower and clean yourself up. But if you eat it…well, that’s something entirely different. You chose to eat that shit because you liked it.
Sal: Well, now that I no longer want to continue eating my bagel let me ask my follow-up question. Where do you think porn is going these days? Pushing the envelope, if you will.
Mike John: I guess that is sort of a follow-up question, there was a time in these movies when a facial cum shot was the, be all end all. Later on it was replaced by cum swallowing, like in my films. Now you have Double Penetration, double anal and double vaginal. Our intake sheets list them all, and girls will check whether they are into it or not. With all the money these girls are being paid you find more and more of them checking off all the boxes. Hell, they even write some things in themselves.
Sal: I know what you mean. Somewhere out there, I know there is a high school counselor wondering where he went wrong, well, that and toweling himself off while putting the lotion back in the bathroom. Next question: are you pretty generous with your cast-off pussy, you know, the kind you shake off the end of your dick after a hard night partying, or are you one of those selfish whore masters that refuse to share any of the spoils?
THE TITLE ELASTIC ASSHOLES HAS, IN ACTUAL FACT, VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH STEVE HOLMES AND ERIK EVERHARD, AND A LOT TO DO WITH THE BROAD BETWEEN THEM THAT PREVENTS THEM FROM BEING FAG.
Mike John: Would I set someone up with a girl? Sure, I got no problem spreading the wealth.
Sal: A follow up question if I may, when?
Mike John: When, what? Oh, you mean set you up! Well, whenever you make it to LA.
Sal: So tell me Mike, do you have any projects you're working on right now.
Mike John: Actually I am still working on my POV Pervert series, as well as a new one called ELASTIC ASSHOLES.
Sal: ELASTIC ASSHOLES! Great title. Genius!
Mike John: I wish I could take credit for it but ERIK [EVERHARD] actually came up with it while I was filming this movie called SEXPEDITIONS. He was talking about one of the girls who had just gotten fucked and said, “Damn, she has an Elastic Asshole!” Everybody on the set laughed and I thought, that’s my new title.
Sal: ERIK EVERHARD, is he still doing the whole sweeping thing?
Mike John: Sweeping?
Sal: What?
Mike John: What?
Sal: Pardon?
Mike John: [sigh]
Sal: Mike John, you’re a great sport and I enjoyed this interview immensely. If you ever make it up to San Francisco please don’t hesitate to look us up. Ladies and gentlemen, Mike John!
THE FILTHY FUCKING BURNING MAN MOTHERFUCKERS CAN COLLECTIVELY COUGH ON OUR COCKS
WHERE ARE ALL THE SEXY OLD GUYS WITH TEVA SANDALS AND PONYTAILS HANGING OFF THE BACK OF THEIR SLOWLY BALDING HEADS??!?!
OldHippieville (SkullGame) -- Despite being well past its prime as an event of any sort of fucking social or cultural significance, and despite being a respository for the worst kind of cum-sucking anti-cool, BURNING MAN organizers, which is like being Presidente of the Anarchist Union, turned down SKULLGAME's own HABIB HUSSEIN for a fucking press credential. A press credential requested for the sole purpose of seeing the fire-eating gang bang sponsored by our own JENNIFER STEELE.
But he got this instead:
Habib,
Jim Graham here. I head up media operations for Burning Man. I reviewed
skullgame.com and wanted to let you know personally that we're NOT
interested in being written up on the website. Your request to cover it as
press is denied.
Jim
What? YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN US?!?!!?? You disgusting motherfuckers. We get our hands on you and you'll be eating more cock than you previously had thought possible.
Have a nice day.
