THIS chemically irregular variation on SkullGame dot fucking com is being brought to you by JIMMY & RAY downstairs who in a burst of meth-level thinking spent their entire weekend filming a polaroided porn featuring all the characters from Star Wars with the understanding founded on communications from the Planet Zebulon that because we were a porn review site we'd be glad to review their porn. And we maintain, as always, that SkullGame is a reader contributed site so forthwith Jimmy & Ray's masterstroke of speed-fueled genius.

JESUS CHRIST. HAS IT EVER BEEN MORE CLEAR THAN NOW THAT ONLY DOPES DO DOPE?

"FUCK OFF YOU DIRTY SPIC JEW." MEL GIBSON CLAIMS OUTBURST WAS PRODUCT OF NEW ROLE HE'S READYING. DIRTY SPIC JEWS NOT SO SURE.

THE MEL GIBSON SYMPOSIUM ON SEMITES VEERED, PREDICTABLY, A LITTLE BIT, ER, OFF TRACK.

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- MEL GIBSON has been caught up in a new controversy after telling a Central American Studies professor to "fuck off, you dirty spic Jew cunt, you" during a tense press conference.

The movie mogul and Jew hater of some small renown, who made headlines last summer for anti-Semitic comments about shekels, parasitism and the loathesome nature of INTERNATIONAL JEWRY he made during a drunk driving arrest, was addressing a film class at Cal State University at Northridge Thursday night on something what had nothing to do with no Jews when out of nowhere he was attacked by the Jew professor questioning the accuracy of this actual "White Man's" Apocalypto film.

Alicia Estrada asked Gibson if he had read about the Mayan culture before shooting the controversial film, suggesting that some of the bloodthirsty, sacrificial scenes in the film were both wrong and racist. Then, according to TMZ.com, Gibson suddenly exploded in riotous anti-Jew anger, responding, "Lady, if that's what we call filthy bloodsuckers of the people like you these days, fuck off. You think that Jew Darryl Zanuck ever went to Egypt before he ever made that movie about Gunga Din?!?!?"

Gibson also became angry when he mistook members of the Mayan community protesting on how they were portrayed in the film during the lecture for Jews. They were subsequently escorted out of the room. All three of them who are left and who are all named Ramon and were on lunchbreak from their busboy jobs at Chiles.

MARCIA BRADY A COKEHEADED COCKSUCKER? EXACTLY.

IT WAS A STORY...OF A SLUT NAMED BRADY...

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Beloved and much-masturbated over 1970s TV staple Maureen McCormick, also known as MARCIA BRADY, has stunned fans by confessing she secretly battled cocaine abuse, cock addiction and anorexia at the height of her post-teen fame.

The actress, who played wholesome Marcia Brady on The Brady Bunch, has revealed in a new magazine article she spent a decade hiding her demons from friends and fans whose purses and medicine cabinets she routinely raided for greenies, goofballs and downers.

A former boyfriend turned the teenage McCormick, now 50, and well beyond the age when anybody else gives a fuck whether she lives or dies, onto cocaine. And cock.

She says, "He was friends with people who did drugs. And had cocks. I have a very addictive personality. I know that now."

The stretch-mouthed McCormick admits years of therapy and her faith in high grade pharmaceuticals helped her kick her cocaine habit and adopt a healthier full-cock lifestyle. She says, "Being able to quit drugs and finding belief in the higher power of cock gave me the tools to end the bulimia. It's rare for me now to not swallow just about everything I put in my mouth these days."

P. DIDDY, DESPITE BEING A NIGRA, PERHAPS GRANDEST FATHER OF THE YEAR BY SKULLGAME'S LIGHTS

"HERE SON, HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY. HERE'S A SLUT."
WE JOKE at SkullGame but sometimes it's time to stop fucking joking and time to get you to open your GODDAMNED WALLETS!!! On the rare occasion of something really rather REAL. That is, SkullGame known associate EUGENE ROBINSON's new book

FIGHT: OR, EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ASS-KICKING BUT WERE AFRAID YOU'D GET YOUR ASS KICKED FOR ASKING...

While it's not out until the Fall, your pre-order of aforementioned book is not only NOT charged to you until it ships but it gets Robinson a real motherfucking marketing budget which, if history is any indicator, he will use to market his book to prostitutes and people who sell drugs. TO prostitutes.

Do we have to come right out and say it? BUY THIS FUCKING THING. We mean, those of you with credit cards. Not your own. Thank you.

Because we are blessed with good looks, talent, and balls like Buicks, we decided that it was time to make good on the adage "to whom much is given, much is forgiven."

And so we formed a charitable giving organization, heretoforistically known as TEAMING UP FOR GODDAMNED AMERICA. Please read on and be inspired by our example. -- THE EDITORS, MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME

HOW SKULLGAME IS...HELPING...THOSE MUCH LESS FORTUNATE

CAN YOU HELP ME SKULLGAME?

SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) -- In a shocking move designed to confound supporters and detractors alike, the operators of MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME, known more for generalized ridicule and non-specific abuse than for giving a fuck about anything, formed a majorly endowed charitable organization today.

"We just got tired of sitting around and watching no one doing anything about it," said SkullGame's VINNIE ROSE. "With TEAMING UP FOR GODDAMNED AMERICA whether you need a nice warm winter coat. Or a meal (quesadilla). Or just a shoulder to lean on, you will find it in abundance here. All of those things. In spades.

Along with a Double Teaming."

YOU BET WE CAN!!!

When pressed, the phlegmatic Rose explained, "for too long women without means to support themselves wondered where the next meal was coming from and if they would even have a place to live. Now they wonder no more because they know they can come, any hour of the day and night, to SKULLGAME HOUSE and get the quiet understanding, and Double Teaming, that they need for as long as they need it provided that they don't need it too far beyond the actual extraction of semen. Need to use a washing machine? Fine. Use it. While getting Double Teamed. Need some help filling out tax forms? Beautiful. We will Double Team you while you wait. Because, very simply, no one else is."

THANK YOU SKULLGAME!!!!!

No. Thank YOU.

JESSICA LYNCH NUDE? GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING SONUVABITCH, WHY DIDN’T THEY RESCUE THAT SNAPPER SOONER?

At MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME we adhere to the strictest standards of journalistic accuracy, excellence and cruelty. Moreover we seek to apply our slapdash standards of abuse, half-truths, and outright calumny to all the spurious news that’s fucking fit to print and so in the spirit of everything MACK, we bring you some slut who, if not actually JESSICA LYNCH in her now-famous LARRY FLYNT owned nude shot, well she’s close enough to make us repair to the SKULLGAME JERKITORIUM to yank one off for our other brave men and women who are dying every day so that this bitch can make a million bucks for crashing her Hummer.

Jesus H. Fucking Christ.

If crashing your car with a gun in the front seat followed by 3 weeks of being high on Demerol makes you a goddamned hero, then MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME should be a designated national fucking monument.

But we digress.

Forthwith: A GODDAMNED NAKED AMERICAN HERO!!!!

WHAT BECOMES AN AMERICAN LEGEND MOST? $87 BILLION, TWO TITS, A SMILE, AND ALL THE DEMEROL YOU CAN SLAM

AND the SkullGame personal of the week was forwarded to us by Musashi. While the engrish is not the best, you probably get the fucking point. Help this motherfucker. Help him. By sending snack foods. Or something.

Japanese Transsexual R&B singer Looking for some Help

...ANY KIND OF HELP AT ALL.....

Reply to: comm-143084284@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-18, 4:36PM

I am a Japanese transsexual finger, from East New York, Brooklyn.

Thanks for the reading.

Help is on the way Musashi. The only kind of help a DAVE DIETRICH can give. Penis help.

IF YOU EVEN KNOW WHO STAR JONES IS, THE FACT THAT HER TITS HAVE EXPLODED IN NO WAY MITIGATES YOUR EXTREME HOMOSEXUALITY.

BEFORE?!?! AFTER?!?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING US!!!!

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- TV host STAR JONES Reynolds has undergone cosmetic surgery to have her rather large and pendulous breasts lifted, in the vain hope that it will, in some way, ameliorate her otherwise outstandingly macabre attributes that have in total contributed to staffers nicknaming her "Beefalo" and/or "Snuffaluffagus."

The recently married co-presenter of ABC's The View has spoken out about her procedure following reports her elective breast lift procedure went wrong and she suffered "critical complications. Namely: giant killer tits. Wandering the savannahs. Wild. And dangerous."

Sources close to Jones Reynolds claim she was taken to Santa Monica, Calif.'s Saint John's Health Center, where she underwent a blood transfusion on Friday night. The "View" star's husband, Al Reynolds, also found himself in hospital over the weekend, after suffering two lacerations to his head after slipping while fleeing, or attempting to, at the gym.

NEWSFLASH: Bethesda resident Cathy Gallagher created a recent line of greeting cards called the Secret Lover of Ho's collection. The new greeting cards speak to ho's, ho couples and all manner of ho's in affairs or involved in other such like ho activities. Inspired by her almost Chinee level of industry, we at SkullGame are launching OUR own line of cards, completely in keeping with the established principles of ITALIAN SALANETICS. They are only $10 postpaid and well worth the price when you consider that no other line of memorables so completely addresses the average man's load needs.

THE "JOSEFINA"

APPROPRIATE FOR JUST ABOUT ANY EVENT WHERE YOU WANT TO SAY "SAUSAGE". RECOMMENDED: FUNERALS. BAR MITZVAHS.

THE "SKANK"

NOTHING QUITE SAYS "THANKS FOR COMING. ON MY CHIN." LIKE THE "SKANK." PERFECT FOR: ANNIVERSARIES, PROMS.

THE "ANAL-AMERICAN PRINCESS EXTRAORDINAIRE" OR THE "APE"

NAMED AFTER KATHY WOODS, THE APE IS ONE OF OUR BEST SELLERS YET. EXPERTS AGREE: THERE AIN'T NO WAY TO PUT IT SUBTLE, WHEN YOU WANT THE BUTTHOLE.

We are truly excited about being able to help people say more succinctly what they've always wanted to say anyway. And according to a proud ITALIAN SAL, "Load on the face? Remember me?" said Salvatore. "I'm Vinnie's friend. Load on the face? How are things? Load on the face. I heard you were moving to Cali. Load on the face? Load on the face, Load on the Face, Load on the face? Anyhow, hope to see you at next UFC in Vegas. Load on the face?"

ITALIAN SALANETICS: "IT'S ALMOST LIKE FLYING."

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SFSU, USF, Cal... hell, City College, probably?

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Can't quite make it through the Canterbury Tales?

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We know what it's like to feel overwhelmed by academic expectations; what it's like to be the victim of standardized testing procedures that don't necessarily measure potentiality or, for that matter, actuality.

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Tell you more? We'd love to.

Learning Loads® is a non-surgical procedure--an orally administered, twice daily dose of synthetic smartness guaranteed to propell you towards the profession of your choice. And due to it's all natural ingredients, it's a 100% safe concoction.

Absent are the horrible side-effects of dangerous, oft-abused study drugs such as Adderall, Ritalin and Crystal Methamphetamine. In a double-blind clinical study, esteemed researchers from John Hopkins University found that Learning Loads® is five times less likely to cause unwanted side effects than a single cup of coffee. In fact, they even found that Learning Loads® doubles as an effective protein supplement.

Don't believe us? Well read our users testimonials, taken from a pool of some of the most accomplished professional women of our day:

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Hillary Clinton (New York Senator): "I had taken both the Arkansas and the Washington, D.C., bar exams during the summer, but my heart was pulling me toward Arkansas. When I learned that I had passed in Arkansas but failed in D.C., I thought that maybe my test scores were telling me something. Like I was fucking stupid. Like I would be better off just strapping on a hockey helmet and tethering myself to the radiator. Or maybe be a bit more of a ball-busting bitch, a bit more of a total ice queen and force my husband to cheat on me. Then I discovered Learning Loads®, and have since shot to the top of my game. And my mouth didn't even cramp up once! I love you Learning Loads®!"

It's true: Learning Loads® is all-results, zero-hype. Are you still skeptical? Reply to this posting and we here at Skullgame Research Facilities® will send one of our highly trained product specialists out to give you a free, no-strings-attached personal evaluation complete with a thorough physical examination to best address your needs and help decide if Learning Loads® is for you. So what are you waiting for? With Learning Loads® you have nothing to loose, but gallons to gain!

Learning Loads®: Beacuse Sucking Us Off Is The Smartest Thing You Will Ever Do.

STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR REACTIONS OF FEAR, ANGER AND DISMAY. AND JOY. BUT MOSTLY FEAR, ANGER AND DISMAY.