AND......IT’S A VERITABLE WHO’S WHO OF FAGGOTS & JEWS IN SKULLGAME’S SLURRY SPORT REPORT AS EX-NBA STAR SENT TO SEA IN SEMITIC SPORT SYNDICATE SCHEME—A JUDGE ROY BEAN EXPOSE
“I DIDN’T KNOW THERE WAS JEWS AROUND. IT WASN’T ME,” RICHARDSON SAYS AS A SWISH TURNS QUICKLY TO A MISS IN THE MIDST OF HIS CBA LEAGUE SUSPENSION SITUATION. “AND THEY FAGGOTS TOO? THAT DONE SURPRISE THE HELL OUT OF WHOEVER DID THIS.”
ALBANY (SkullGame)—One-time NBA All-Star Sensation MICHEAL RAY RICHARDSON seemed to be experiencing a career upswing after many dark years, but all that changed last week when the CBA coach informed reporters that he knew a Jew or two.
The Albany Patroons—the team Richardson led to the playoffs after a 1986 league suspension for various Negro dealings including cocaine use, flagrant abuse of grape-flavored beverages, yelling at movie screens, and being afraid of David Blaine—announced last week that the former basketball superstar was being relieved of his duties for the remainder of the Continental Basketball Association’s championship series following off-color comments the coach made to the Albany Times Union last Tuesday.
Prior to a game scheduled against the Yakima Sun Kings, Richardson, discussing contract general manager Jim Coyne’s offer to coach his team in the CBA and USBL, allegedly told two reporters: “I’ve got big-time lawyers. I’ve got big-time Jew lawyers. The kind of big-time matzo-ball eating motherfuckers that can pinch copper into pennies. The kind of big-time lentil-slanging, Yentl-sanging hustlers that be getting their noses enlarged so they can sniff up all your bank accounts. And shit.”
Those in attendance say they tried to correct Richardson, informing him that his comments could be construed as offensive by playing to the stereotype that those Jews are Jews, to which the coach supposedly responded: “Are you kidding me? They are? I’m glad I didn’t do nothing then.”
Reached via phone from the Mack Avenue agency headquarters, Richardson told SkullGame reporters, “They’ve got the best security system in the world. Have you ever been to an airport in Tel Aviv? You ever been to a KISS concert? They're real crafty. Listen, they are hated all over the world, so they've got to be crafty. Real kike-like. They got a lot of power in this world, you know what I mean? If you look in most professional sports, they're run by a bunch of Murrays. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations, businesses, they're run by some real dreidel-spinning bitches. I ain’t trying to knock them--I’m just saying that they are some real Hebro, Hymie, Ikey-mo motherfuckers and shit. And they will get me my money.”
“What? I didn’t do nothing. That ain’t even my coat. That’s my cousin’s car.”
According to the Times Union, Richardson told a fan who heckled him early in Tuesday's game, "Shut the fuck up, you faggot. Jew. Jew-faggot. Faggot-Jew. What? I don’t know whose that is. I just borrowed it."
Assistant coach Derrick Rowland is planned to assume Richardson’s place for the remainder of the season, with Richardson being banned from subsequent practices or games for an indeterminate amount of time, for reasons wholly unbeknownst to him.
"It's terrible and I don't think it's fair. I will find whoever is responsible for this if you will all just get out of my way," Richardson told the Times Union when questioned about the suspension. "But I want to make an apology if any Jews, faggots, or Jew-faggots who were offended because that wasn’t me. I don’t even live here."
The Patroons released a statement condemning the remarks reading, "The Albany Patroons' organization sincerely apologizes to any faggots, Jews, or mixture thereof that these alleged statements may have offended." To which Richardson added, “Yeah. I just found that. I was gonna turn that in to you so no kids got ahold of it.”
Richardson, whose life was documented in the popular film “What Happened to Michael Ray? He Don’t Know,” had a bright, though brief career in the NBA—joining as the fourth overall draft pick in 1978, playing for the Knicks, Nets, and Golden State Warriors before being banned for life in 1986 for violating the league’s anti-drug policy. Though down and out, reportedly destitute following his ousting, Richardson staged a comeback and joined other ex-players in various European teams, playing until a 2002 retirement.
Though arguably more lax in their treatment of reprimanded players, the European leagues almost ubiquitously cited drugs as an ongoing problem for the player--who lead in both assists and steals during his career-- saying that Richardson failed two cocaine tests in 1991; results which he claimed that he had never seen before and thus clearly were not his.
AND from earlier in the goddamned week........
GATORS WIN = HEROIN: A SKULLGAME PRIMER ON CAUSE & EFFECT. PLUS: KEITH RICHARDS SNORTS DAD IN PATHETIC PLOY TO GET AMERICA TO FORGET HE LOOKS LIKE A BROAD, COURTNEY LOVE'S QUIM, TRAWLING FOR CRACKWHORES, BECKHAM TIT SPICE & MORE SKULLGAME BOOKS!
AND because we been getting all goddamned literary as of late what with the SkullGame affiliated FIGHT book we have now also branched out into kid's titles, which are perfect. If your kid's not a little fag or something.
BECAUSE SHE'S SICK KIDS. VERY, VERY SICK. AND I'M TAKING HER TEMPERATURE.
KEITH RICHARDS, FRESH FROM HIS COCONUT TREE PERCH, LOOKS LIKE AN OLD BROAD NO LESS FOR RECENT PATHETIC PARTY BOY ANTICS. THAT MAY OR MAY HAVE NOT INCLUDED COCK NOT HIS OWN
ONLY DOPES & MULTIMILLIONAIRE HEIRESS'S LIKE KEITH RICHARDS DO DOPE.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- KEITH RICHARDS has acknowledged consuming a raft of illegal substances in his time, to distract us from his overwhelming resemblance to the neighborhood cat lady, but this may top them all. In comments published Tuesday, the 63-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist said he had snorted his father's ashes mixed with cocaine. He also put his cock in the vacuum cleaner and wiped his ass on all of his serving spoons.
"But I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME. "Because I look nothing like an old woman."
Richards' father, Bert, died in 2002, at 84, as he lived: at his newspaper stand.
Richards, one of rock's legendary wild women, told the magazine that his survival was the result of luck, and a few millin jillion dollars and advised young musicians against trying to emulate him. Especially on the million jillion part.
"I did it because that was the way I did it. Now people think it's a way of life," he was quoted as saying.
"I've no pretensions about immortality," he added. "I'm the same as everyone ... just kind of lucky. Especially if by "lucky" you mean "looking awfully like that woman at the grocery store."
AND from earlier in the week....
FINAL FOUR RESOLVES ITSELF INTO FLORIDA VS. OHIO STATE VS. OUR FUCKING POINT SPREAD ROLL OF THE DICE OF EVERYTHING ON THE FUCKING GATORS. PLUS: COURTNEY LOVE & HER CUNT, A LOVE STORY, TRAWLING FOR CRACKWHORES & "THE GAYS" PILE ON SPICE SLUT.
WHEN people ask us--"Yo, VINNIE? Where's ITALIAN SAL PACINO been these days?"--we say who? And then when we remember the funny little Italian man who stole office supplies and spent his time sending pictures of his ex sucking miscellaneous cock to his ex's new boyfriend. And his ex's new boyfriend's co-workers. And so we thought we'd ask, and this is what we got in response. Including this photo...
...WITH A SINGLE NOTE SCRIBBLED ON THE BACK: "JUST LIKE THIS."
SINGLE WHITE MALE LOOKING FOR GIRL WHO SMOKES CRACK…A LOT. - 36 (bay area)
Reply to: pers-303431744@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-30, 6:38PM PDT
I don’t smoke crack although I do find the idea of you running around my apartment frantically stealing shit sort of attractive. I like to imagine me sitting on the couch whilst you awkwardly try to slide hummell figurines down your dirty pants. Yeah, I would love that. After I make like I didn’t see you stealing my stuff we could haggle prices for various sex acts which will be strictly mechanical on your part; you know, crack whore style. Then, afterwards I can think of different ways to get you out of my apartment my favorite being, the lets go for a walk, routine, wherein I get you out of my house on the premise of taking a walk. Once we get outside my building I will bolt only to return hours later.
If you are a sexy, or even not so sexy, crack smoker, please contact me. I am also into tweekers, cokeheads, dope fiends and huffers; I have spray paint and a bag.
LATE NIGHT REFRIGERATOR RAID STAYS UGLY AS SOCIAL SERVICES SEIZE FOODBABY FROM FAT CUNT COURTNEY IN SOCAL SOBRIETY SCANDAL—A JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORT
FORCIBLY REFORMED EAT BEAST COURTNEY LOVE, ARMED WITH THE NEWEST REVISED COPY OF OPLER’S THE COMPLETE PILL GUIDE, SEARCHES EVERY NOOK OF NEWPORT BEACH FOR HER BABY.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame)—Internet rumors abounded Wednesday after paparazzi photos of musician/actress/unfit mother COURTNEY LOVE were posted on the webpage www.moonwashedrose.com, showing the clearly distraught matron of self-medication sans her oft-sported belly habit…err… “child.”
Posting under the handle “Court”, Love, high, addressed the clinically depressed denizens of her personal messageboard claiming that she had “lost 44 lbs…with 6 more…maybe 11 more to go” after a late night raid was conducted by Los Angeles Child Protective Services, in conjunction with the LAPD, at Love’s private residence.
A PR representative for the onetime Hole front-woman confirmed that Love penned the post, saying that Love’s loss of drugs has been the end result “following a strict macrobiotic diet…did I say that right?” as well as “doing a bunch of yoga and shit.”
In a later posting, Love, conveniently forgetting about the pictures of her unwaxed anus littering the internet, added: "All I care about is that my self esteem is limitless and intact, and that nothing effects my self esteem--which is incredibly high for somebody that has unwaxed butthole pics and shots of random homeless people sucking their titties floating around all over the place.”
“WHERE’S YOUR BABY? WHERE’S MY BABY? JUST SMILE FOR THE CAMERA YOU UGLY FUCKING BITCH.”
Last October Love made national headlines when her sobriety turned to obesity, saying that MEL GIBSON “reverse-Jewed me into rehab”, touting a newfound focus on raising 14-year old daughter Francis Bean, and staging “a re-up…I mean a comeback…I mean…Jesus Christ am I ever fucking fat? And I have unwaxed cornhole photographs and visual evidence of breast feeding grown Negroes afoot...”
“I showed you what five bucks can get you. Now what can five bucks get me?”
CABAL OF HOMOSEXUALS AT US WEEKLY CONSPIRE TO MAKE NO-TALENT SPICE GIRL CONCEAL HER TWO MILDLY TALENTED TITS.
"AGGGHHH...OUR GAY EYES....THEY HURT!!! THEY HURTTTTT!!!"
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- The editors of Us Weekly have pleaded with ex-Spice Girl VICTORIA BECKHAM to cover up when she becomes a Los Angeles resident this summer because they're sick of seeing her nipples. On account of them having The Gay, and all.
The magazine chiefs have penned a letter to Beckham, formerly known as Posh Spice, asking her to wear bras -- and posted it on their Web site, between having cocks slapped into and out of their mouths. They write, "There is nothing Posh about forgetting to wear a bra when gallivanting about in thin T-shirts, as you've unfortunately been known to do. It is obvious to us that the bra may be a foreign concept to you -- much like American football, or the good sense to avoid TOM CRUISE -- so allow us to explain: You're a 32-year-old woman with perky breasts that apparently like to breathe.
"Keep shunning that bra and in five years you'll end up with pendulums hanging off your clavicle that hubby David Beckham might mistake for soccer ball bags. Speaking of your hubby...perhaps he could wear shorts. Um. More frequently. You know. What on account of us having The Gay and all."
WE JOKE at SkullGame but sometimes it's time to stop fucking joking and time to get you to open your GODDAMNED WALLETS!!! On the rare occasion of something really rather REAL. That is, SkullGame known associate EUGENE ROBINSON's new book
FIGHT: OR, EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ASS-KICKING BUT WERE AFRAID YOU'D GET YOUR ASS KICKED FOR ASKING...
While it's not out until the Fall, your pre-order of aforementioned book is not only NOT charged to you until it ships but it gets Robinson a real motherfucking marketing budget which, if history is any indicator, he will use to market his book to prostitutes and people who sell drugs. TO prostitutes.
Do we have to come right out and say it? BUY THIS FUCKING THING. We mean, those of you with credit cards. Not your own. Thank you.
