WHEN people ask us--"Yo, VINNIE? Where's ITALIAN SAL PACINO been these days?"--we say who? And then when we remember the funny little Italian man who stole office supplies and spent his time sending pictures of his ex sucking miscellaneous cock to his ex's new boyfriend. And his ex's new boyfriend's co-workers. And so we thought we'd ask, and this is what we got in response. Including this photo...
...WITH A SINGLE NOTE SCRIBBLED ON THE BACK: "JUST LIKE THIS."
SINGLE WHITE MALE LOOKING FOR GIRL WHO SMOKES CRACK…A LOT. - 36 (bay area)
Reply to: pers-303431744@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-30, 6:38PM PDT
I don’t smoke crack although I do find the idea of you running around my apartment frantically stealing shit sort of attractive. I like to imagine me sitting on the couch whilst you awkwardly try to slide hummell figurines down your dirty pants. Yeah, I would love that. After I make like I didn’t see you stealing my stuff we could haggle prices for various sex acts which will be strictly mechanical on your part; you know, crack whore style. Then, afterwards I can think of different ways to get you out of my apartment my favorite being, the lets go for a walk, routine, wherein I get you out of my house on the premise of taking a walk. Once we get outside my building I will bolt only to return hours later.
If you are a sexy, or even not so sexy, crack smoker, please contact me. I am also into tweekers, cokeheads, dope fiends and huffers; I have spray paint and a bag.
LATE NIGHT REFRIGERATOR RAID STAYS UGLY AS SOCIAL SERVICES SEIZE FOODBABY FROM FAT CUNT COURTNEY IN SOCAL SOBRIETY SCANDAL—A JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORT
FORCIBLY REFORMED EAT BEAST COURTNEY LOVE, ARMED WITH THE NEWEST REVISED COPY OF OPLER’S THE COMPLETE PILL GUIDE, SEARCHES EVERY NOOK OF NEWPORT BEACH FOR HER BABY.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame)—Internet rumors abounded Wednesday after paparazzi photos of musician/actress/unfit mother COURTNEY LOVE were posted on the webpage www.moonwashedrose.com, showing the clearly distraught matron of self-medication sans her oft-sported belly habit…err… “child.”
Posting under the handle “Court”, Love, high, addressed the clinically depressed denizens of her personal messageboard claiming that she had “lost 44 lbs…with 6 more…maybe 11 more to go” after a late night raid was conducted by Los Angeles Child Protective Services, in conjunction with the LAPD, at Love’s private residence.
A PR representative for the onetime Hole front-woman confirmed that Love penned the post, saying that Love’s loss of drugs has been the end result “following a strict macrobiotic diet…did I say that right?” as well as “doing a bunch of yoga and shit.”
In a later posting, Love, conveniently forgetting about the pictures of her unwaxed anus littering the internet, added: "All I care about is that my self esteem is limitless and intact, and that nothing effects my self esteem--which is incredibly high for somebody that has unwaxed butthole pics and shots of random homeless people sucking their titties floating around all over the place.”
“WHERE’S YOUR BABY? WHERE’S MY BABY? JUST SMILE FOR THE CAMERA YOU UGLY FUCKING BITCH.”
Last October Love made national headlines when her sobriety turned to obesity, saying that MEL GIBSON “reverse-Jewed me into rehab”, touting a newfound focus on raising 14-year old daughter Francis Bean, and staging “a re-up…I mean a comeback…I mean…Jesus Christ am I ever fucking fat? And I have unwaxed cornhole photographs and visual evidence of breast feeding grown Negroes afoot...”
“I showed you what five bucks can get you. Now what can five bucks get me?”
CABAL OF HOMOSEXUALS AT US WEEKLY CONSPIRE TO MAKE NO-TALENT SPICE GIRL CONCEAL HER TWO MILDLY TALENTED TITS.
"AGGGHHH...OUR GAY EYES....THEY HURT!!! THEY HURTTTTT!!!"
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- The editors of Us Weekly have pleaded with ex-Spice Girl VICTORIA BECKHAM to cover up when she becomes a Los Angeles resident this summer because they're sick of seeing her nipples. On account of them having The Gay, and all.
The magazine chiefs have penned a letter to Beckham, formerly known as Posh Spice, asking her to wear bras -- and posted it on their Web site, between having cocks slapped into and out of their mouths. They write, "There is nothing Posh about forgetting to wear a bra when gallivanting about in thin T-shirts, as you've unfortunately been known to do. It is obvious to us that the bra may be a foreign concept to you -- much like American football, or the good sense to avoid TOM CRUISE -- so allow us to explain: You're a 32-year-old woman with perky breasts that apparently like to breathe.
"Keep shunning that bra and in five years you'll end up with pendulums hanging off your clavicle that hubby David Beckham might mistake for soccer ball bags. Speaking of your hubby...perhaps he could wear shorts. Um. More frequently. You know. What on account of us having The Gay and all."
WE JOKE at SkullGame but sometimes it's time to stop fucking joking and time to get you to open your GODDAMNED WALLETS!!! On the rare occasion of something really rather REAL. That is, SkullGame known associate EUGENE ROBINSON's new book
FIGHT: OR, EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ASS-KICKING BUT WERE AFRAID YOU'D GET YOUR ASS KICKED FOR ASKING...
While it's not out until the Fall, your pre-order of aforementioned book is not only NOT charged to you until it ships but it gets Robinson a real motherfucking marketing budget which, if history is any indicator, he will use to market his book to prostitutes and people who sell drugs. TO prostitutes.
Do we have to come right out and say it? BUY THIS FUCKING THING. We mean, those of you with credit cards. Not your own. Thank you.
