BUT CAN SHE SING?!??!?
...WITH A COCK IN HER MOUTH?!??!?
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- NEWSFLASH: YOUNG TV SLUT, A REAL SLUT
The wannabe "pop" "star" at the center of "American Idol's" latest scandal has been offered a lucrative deal to front, or whatever, an adult video company not SkullGame. Bosses at SugarDVD have offered Antonella Barba $500,000 to work as their new spokeswoman, or you know, um, on camera, announcing uh videos, or something when her stint on the TV talent contest ends, according to TMZ.com.
Barba, 19, hit the headlines when saucy photos of her posing for friends hit SkullGame last month because friends always photograph you pissing in public fountains and send the pics to us here at SkullGame.
AND if you missed it...
THE KURT LOCKWOOD GAYNESS SCANDAL JUST GETS MORE GAY, SCANDALOUS: A JUDGE ROY BEAN EXPOSGAY. PLUS: KATE MOSS & KELIS NUDE. AND NOT COKED UP. NO. NOT AT ALL. AND MADONNA CONTINUES HER WEIRD LOVE AFFAIR WITH NEGROES. WHO KNOW HOW TO FOLD CLOTHES.
In part one of a two-part investigative series, SkullGame sends famed inquisitorial reporter JUDGE ROY BEAN deep undercover to dig up the dirt about known American Hero Kurt Lockwood. Posing as an AVN reporter, Bean infiltrates Lockwood’s West Hollywood complex in search of answers already well-enough addressed regarding Lockwood’s penchant for dressing up like a gay musketeer, and this is what he finds…
SkullGame: There have been a lot of people in the Adult Entertainment community lately that have been saying that you are gay. Why don’t you believe them?
Kurt Lockwood: No answer.
SG: I have read stories on the internet about you that are pretty amazing. Now don’t get all pissy, I’m not talking about the ones where you beat up women on set or break into their houses in the lonely hours of the night, but that you have to shave your moustache like 3, 4 times a day just to keep from looking like Glenn Hughes. As a homosexual, would you say there is there any truth to this?
KL: No answer.
SG: If you were straight, what would be your favorite physical feature of another man?
KL: No answer.
SG: Have you, or would you ever, attend a soiree?
KL: No answer.
SG: Own a beret?
KL: No answer.
SG: Visit Provincetown just to sail away?
KL: No answer.
SG: I saw on your website that you are a man of the arts—a man who takes pictures of flowers and writes plays about KURT COBAIN. I even see that you are a musician. As a musician myself, I became intrigued by this development and immediately downloaded one of your hit songs: “Missin’ (In Your Kissin’).” I have to say, it was pretty great. It was really hard to pick which verse of the song said the most about you as a man, but I do think that “I went out drivin' around 3 a.m. Figured by then I'd had enough. I saw two stars in the evening sky. One was falling. It was my love” is probably the best. What is your opinion?
KL: No answer.
SG: Let’s play the word association game. You go first. Gore Vidal
KL: No answer.
SG: Lance Bass
KL: No answer.
SG: Pedro Zamora
KL: No answer.
SG: Truman Capote
KL: No answer.
SG: Matthew Shepard
KL: No answer.
SG: Jim J. Bullock
KL: No answer.
SG: Kurt Lockwood
KL: No answer.
SG: I’ve never understood the terms “African American,” “Asian American,” or “American Indian.” It all strikes me as total bullshit, especially since half of these people that label themselves as such seem to be from Jersey or North Carolina or fucking Idaho or some shit. As far as I’m concerned, if you live in America, or are a naturalized citizen, then you are an American. It doesn’t matter where you moved from. Like you, for instance: You’re originally from Baltimore, but now you live in L.A. So when you’re strolling through West Hollywood getting ready to attend the Christopher Street West parade or something, and somebody inquires about your ethnicity, you don’t tell them “I’m a Baltimorian American” because that would just be silly. You just tell them you’re a faggot, right?
KL: No answer.
STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR PART II OF THE JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORT, WITH SPECIAL GUEST HOMOSEXUAL KURT LOCKWOOD!!!
AND because we care...from earlier in the week....
TESTES JUGGLER, GAY EXPERT KURT LOCKWOOD ON HIS PUBLIC & PUBIC LOVE FOR SPOOGE [NOT HIS OWN] & GETTING HIS ASS KICKED IN SKULLGAME EXCLUSIVE. PLUS: KATE MOSS IN PUBLIC SEX SHOCKER & KELIS, WHO IS A HO, LAUNCHES RACE ATTACK AGAINST HO, WHO IS A HO.
IS there any sign more sure that MOTHER'S DAY can't be far away?
"UM. SMALL NEGRO CHILD? MIGHT I INTEREST YOU IN SOME CANDY? THE KABBALAH? OR THE COMPLETE & UTTER DESTRUCTION OF YOUR CAREER? SHE'S NOT LISTENING....HEY DID YOU TELL HER WHO I AM?!?!?......YOU'RE FIRED. SHIT. NOW I NEED TWO MORE NEGROES!!!
FIRST THERE WAS THIS EXPOSE OF KATE MOSSIAN PUBLIC FUCKITAGE...
SUPERMODEL KATE MOSS MOUTHS JUNKIE MUGGLE!!!
KATE MOSS & PETE DOHERTY YOU KNOW, WORKING THINGS OUT.
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Troubled, drunk, and drug-addled Irish stereotype PETE DOHERTY and "Super""Model" KATE MOSS have demonstrated their fumbling and fleeting love for each other -- by getting tattoos of their initials inside hearts. ON THEIR FACES.
The ex-Libertines frontman started dating the catwalk beauty at her 31st birthday party earlier this month. Especially if by "dating" you mean "falling asleep with your cock slathered by a mouthful of her narcotic drool."
And he's so smitten with Moss, he's even vowed to quit the crack cocaine and heroin addictions that have plagued his music career.
Hahahahahahahahahaha.
He tells ITV's Orange Playlist in a burst of bungled synapse, "It's been the best few hours in a long time because I've really found love with Kate. This afternoon. At 2:45. Right after I got up. I think it will last. She's good for me because she's got a beautiful soul. And lots of cash. And I think I can trust her. To use her cash for, um, groceries. And I think I can be trusted and she can trust me. To not use her cash for anything other than, um, groceries. I believe her when she says she loves me and loves that I know where to get the best, um, groceries. And I know I mean it when I say I love her. Cash. And groceries. We got each other's initials tattooed in little hearts. I have a K, for Cash, in a heart. And I'm kicking drugs for her too. Well, just the ones that she doesn't do.
Like aspirin."
AND THEN THERE WAS THIS....
"COR, BLIMEY, EH, WOT?" TRANSLATION: "DID I JUST FUCK HER IN THE LOO?" TRANSLATION TRANSLATION: "IS THE LOO ANOTHER WORD FOR 'ASS'?"
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Nude "super" "model" KATE MOSS and her "rocker" "boy"friend PETE DOHERTY were ejected by security at Thursday night's NME Awards in London for getting too amorous. Which means she kept trying to suck his sausage in public.
Moss, a mother, who won Sexiest Woman at the Hammersmith Palais ceremony, and the Babyshambles frontman, a motherfucker, were asked to leave after reportedly trying to enter the bathrooms together before later being caught in a tryst at the back of the building. Which means he was nuts deep in her bony ass.
They were kicked out at 8:30 p.m., before Moss could present Primal Scream with the Godlike Genius Award. An award that had procedurally been confused with the Anal Suppository Award for flouncing Ass Bandits. A source named ENGLISH BOB tells SkullGame, "Pete and Kate were trying to get into the premises' toilets as hard as they were trying to get his semi-erect penis in her coke-tinged twat but were removed by the bouncers and told to go back to their table.
"Later they were both caught in a dark alleyway at the back of the building, trying, without much success, to suck some life into his junked out jimmy. So we got their own security guards to put them in a car and take them home." Where early reports indicated that they fumbled sadly until Pete passed out waking only briefly to ask, "what was the question again?"
"HETEROSEXUAL" "PORNO" "STAR" "KURT LOCKWOOD" IS CRUISING...FOR AMONG OTHER THINGS OTHER THAN COCK: A BRUISING. A SKULLGAME EXPOSE OF EXTREME ANAL ATTRACTION.
"ARE YOU WILLING TO, UM, IN THE COURSE OF YOUR DAILY DUTIES, ER....STIMULATE MY PROSTATE NO FEWER THAN THRICE DAILY WITH NO FEWER THAN 8 INCHES OF CUCUMBER?"
SAN FERNANDO VALLEY (SkullGame) -- Race traitor, Jew baiter and gay-for-play studio player KURT LOCKWOOD when not beating up women because they do not have penises and/or cocaine, breaking into "girl"friend's apartments for penises and/or cocaine, or calling himself an "AMERICAN HERO" is now, we understand, suggesting that men routinely have their prostates stimulated by being poked in the ass...by as-of-yet-unnamed asspokers whose names rhyme with BURT.
While we're as live and let live as anybody else in California who weighs 240 pounds and has a displayed propensity for firearms, meth and cage fighting, we cannot let this stand and so....a fatwa has been issued: BRING US THE ASS OF KURT LOCKWOOD [email address kurt@kurtlockwood.com] SO THAT WE MIGHT PROPERLY STIMULATE HIS PROSTATE...WITH A BROOMSTICK.
This has been a SkullGame Public Service Announcement.
AND SPEAKING OF THE ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP 68....WHERE WAS CHUCK LIDDELL?
OOO...TRAINING HARD...UM, VERY, VERY, VERY HARD.....
KELIS DOES NOT LIKE HO'S; VERY SPECIFICALLY JEW HO'S
"YOU SEE, THERE'S A FUCKING UNION!!! AND IF YOUR DUES AIN'T PAID? YOU GET GANKED!!!"
MIAMI (SkullGame) -- Singer KELIS was arrested early Friday morning in Miami Beach, Fla., after allegedly screaming racial obscenities at two female police officers working as Jew ho's in a sting operation apparently designed to entrap Jew ho lovers.
The officers were working undercover posing as prostitutes in South Beach when they say Kelis started screaming racial slurs at them in regards to them being "Yeshiva monkeys" and "hebe hoes."
As reported in the TMZ.com, the singer continued yelling at the women and rushed toward them and had to be restrained by friends. According to a police report, her "actions caused people walking by to stop and form a crowd of apparent Jew ho lovers. The sidewalk was blocked by the disturbance, causing people to walk in the street and causing traffic to stop in order to better search out Jew ho's."
The singer, who is married to rapper Nas, was charged with two misdemeanor charges of disorderly conduct and for resisting arrest.
Charitable donations for SkullGame's Set-a-Jew-Ho-Free Foundation can be sent to VINNIE@SKULLGAME.COM.
