BUT first this INTERNATIONAL HEADLINE FUCKING NEWS FOR FUCKS: A simple barter of beer for pussy results in possible reemergence of the Axis Powers!!!
DATELINE: VERSAILLES
IN THIS HISTORICAL REENACTMENT HOMOSEXUAL ACTORS RECREATE THE ANALANNEXATION!!!
In a historic summit meeting, Neo-fascists ITALIAN SAL and HEINRICH BIMMLER have signed a non-aggression pact in which Hienrich will forfeit the phone number of the bitch he met the other night at Delirium in exchange for one Miller High Life 40oz. [later bartered up to two (2)]. The number will also include all the necessary intel for the Italians to be able to effectively negotiate their way through a "prior," but specious, meeting in order to patrol a load into Poland. In exchange for the easement allowing Sal to drive a pole into a Pole, Heinrich has agreed to refrain from kicking, or rubbing as the case may be, Italian Sal’s ass whenever he feels like it.
In this monumentous agreement, which the international press has already dubbed both a "Jew conspiracy of the highest order" and “The worst thing to happen since, well…since the last time the Germans and Italians decided to hold a bake sale,” perhaps the first to feel the fury of this juggernaut will be the baffled Pole who is being Jedi-mindtricked into acknowledging the existence of a previous social contact that never occurred. Then on the basis of the original intrusion, more physical contact, employing the wily ways of the Greek. When found the only statement we could get out this shaken young woman was, “What the fuck you talking about? Dick always tastes like my shit!”
This being just the genesis of a new wave of terror, we are not certain what, or who, will suffer next. At this point, all we can do is send a frantic plea to the good people at Miller Brewing Co. and beg them to just brew the Genuine Draft and stop, for God’s sake, brewing the High Life, the Demon’s Fuel.
SUPERHO, SUPERSLUT, SUPERMODEL: THE KATE MOSS STORY. POST-REHAB. INVOLVES SKULLGAME HABITUE J-DOGG WHO THUSLY DESCRIBES THE PUSSY "LOOSER THAN I'M USED TO"
APRES SKI, THE BUNNY, THE SNOW, THE SLUT'S NEW CLOTHES: GET THE PICTURE? WE DID.
"Super""model" KATE MOSS is rumored to be in "love" again, with someone other than herself, after she was photographed in an intimate cock-to-mouth embrace with a young man on the ski slopes of Aspen, Colo., where it was thought that she had merely misapplied mouth-to-mouth, according to witnesses.
Moss, who recently split from "rocker" PETE DOHERTY after a well-publicized cocaine scandal, that had absolutely nothing to do with the near-musician, was seen with a 20-year-old known only as Jamie while on a skiing holiday with her family. And as luck would have it Jamie, or J-Dogg as he is known in the MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME office slapped that thing like a Vietnamese refugee.
Long-haired Jamie is 11 years younger than 31-year-old Moss. And he is not gay despite what Hank says about the whole accidental fellatio incident. The couple are thought to have met on Sir Richard Branson's Caribbean island Negger ("Where Nigras Run Free"), where Moss was invited to stay shortly after completing a Please-Don't-Send-Me-To-Jail rehab treatment at an Arizona clinic in October.
TOMMY "THE HITMAN" HEARNS SCORES A SOLID ONE AGAINST "SONUVABITCH" REPORTS ITALIAN SAL
HEARNS & HIS NEXT VIABLE CHALLENGER, "THAT PUNK FROM NEXT DOOR," AT A SIGNING HAILED AS BACKYARD BRAWLDOCIUS. "ONLY IN AMERICA," SAID AN EBULLIENT DON KING.
DETROIT (SkullGame) -- Sunday was a disappointing day for boxing fans everywhere, wherein Thomas “The Hit Man” Hearns former welterweight and cruiserweight champ was unable to put down his 13- year old son in an unscheduled unsanctioned bout that took place in their Southfield Michigan home. While 47-year-old Hearns clearly beat his much younger son, his fight did not result in a knockout or impress any of the judges who were incidentally not there to begin with.
Hearns, who began his comeback last July fighting a not-so-tough John Long, failed to impress anyone on that showing either, allowing the lightly regarded Long to hang around until an 8th round decision. Folks are saying that Hearns may just not have that knock-out power that he once had, and this bout with the younger Hearns may go a long way to proving that, that or the fact that maybe the younger Hearns can take one hell of a punch.
When reached for comment, someone who declined to be named said that they “were proud with his performance” and that Hearns was “planning to change his name to Thomas 'Don’t You Sass me' Hearns."
Hearns betters his record 61-5-1 and plans to fight his wife over a Casserole this coming weekend.
ZEE VORLD ACCORDING TO HEINRICH: JEWHATER JACKO PETITIONS FOR 4TH REICH ENTRY
HERR JACKSON CHATTING WITH SUBHUMAN.
Vhen I saw this one come through, I almost shat my britches. I thought I drank vone too many Muller High Lifes and vatched vone too many episodes of Hogan’s Hero’s. But it vas zee truth!!! Michael Jackson himself/herself emailed me, Das Ubermensch Hienrich, directly, asking to me admitting into the 4th Reich.
I was about to vrite back a scathing email, vhen fellow Axis partner, ITALIAN SAL informed me that MICHAEL JACKSON is an open and well known anti-Semite. BULLSCHEISSER, I proclaimed. But vhen I goggled it, there it was, clear as zee eyes of a fit, young Aryan boy named Hans that I used to….vhere vas I? Oh yeah, zee freak Michael Jackson vants in.
Ok, so he hates zee disgusting sub-species human lice Jews just as much as zee rest of us and even goes on T.V. and makes no secret of it. Fine, you vant in, no problem. Bring me zee head of Elizabeth Taylor, 4 million Reichmarks, and for Hitler’s sake, vhen people ask, you are a white, heterosexual, Jew-hating male. If you want to be zee 4th Reich, you cannot be a black, homosexual, woman. Do vee understand each other Michael?
Oh yeah, me, Italian Sal and Oigen also get to jump you in 21st Street style. You fucked up now holmes. You joined zee gang.
