Mack Avenue Skullgame
Vinnie Pick of the Week
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Don't ask for it by name
if the clerk is a Negro.
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[ Full Review ]








05.17.10
THE WHORES ARE BACK IN TOWN TODAY, THOSE WILD EYED SLUTS THAT WENT AWAY. GENTLEMAN: SAMANTHA 38G! PLUS: THE CONTINUATION OF THE "YOUR FAILURE IS OUR SUCCESS" ISSUE & BRITNEY SPEARS SEX VID CLIPS. COMPLETE WITH COCKS & HER BLUBBERY MOUTH.

BIG-TITTIED SAMANTHA SKULLGAMES IT IN STYLE IN A GAME OF 20 QUESTIONS

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SAMANTHA MAKES A POINT THE ONLY WAY SHE KNOWS HOW

Some days you feel like a nut. Some days you don't. And some days you feel like TESCO VEE insofar as you might share his penchant for some good ol' ribs, chicken and wafflesesque bitchery. You know the kind we mean. The kind that live only in Texas. The kind for which you might get hungry but you ain't never going to starve. Yes, yes, I believe the more unenlightened members of the community might call them Big Beautiful Women (BBW), but here at SkullGame we just call them Thems What Gots Big Giant Titties!

Ladies and Gents, meet SAMANTHA.

SkullGame: How old are you?

SAMANTHA 38G: 36. I don't lie about my age. Because I look GOOD for 36.

SG: Yeah, yeah, sure you do. How was that working for the BANG BROTHERS?

S38G: Never again. My call time was 9 A.M. They kept me waiting all day. Dragged me to some woman's baby shower in the middle of the shoot. So I'm there with all of these women who were just hating me because they knew why I was there. And then back to the hotel with no food and then the male talent shows up and by the time I get out of make up and they're all ready to shoot it's almost midnight. So perfect. Except the male talent couldn't get it up. I was so angry I started screaming at him...

SG: And I'm sure that helped.

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IF THIS AIN'T GONNA HELP, NEITHER'S NO FLUFFER

S38G: ...Hey I was tired. He was asking if we had a fluffer girl or something. Then the director started making fun of him....and it was just noooo fun. But anyway I ...

SG: Could I fuck your tits?

S38G: What? Is this part of the interview?

SG: It is NOW.

S38G: Well yeah you can fuck them. You can even come on them. But you just can't come on my face. I hate that. I think it's degrading. Which is why I'll never do another porn again. I got 10 out there now and that's enough. But the BANG BROS talk soooooo bad about women it just makes me mad. And I will tell someone right out...

SG: You're from Texas, right? Did you vote for Bush?

S38G: I sure did.

SG: What the fuck? Why? He's trying to take away our porn. We just want to set the porn man free!!! And he wants to jail us...why? WHHHHYYYYYY?

S38G: Because repression is good for the sex business.

SG: Jesus Christ. Point well taken. Could you repress my cock right about now? I mean to help make me feel a little bit better about the elections and all?

S38G: Only if you mention my website.

SG: Deal.

[Fucking and sucking ensues]

SG: Samantha has a website, y'all. Hahahaha. Thank you very much, America!!!

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SKULLGAME'S "YOUR FAILURE IS OUR SUCCESS" ISSUE CONTINUATION LEAVES JESSICA SIMPSON IN TEARS, MUCH LIKE SHE'S LEFT AMERICA EVERY TIME SHE OPENS HER MOUTH FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN COCK. PLUS: BRITNEY SPEARS' SUCK FLIK PICS & OUR "RACISM'S GREAT" END NOTES!

THIS version of SkullGame is being brough to you by THE MUSEUM OF INTOLERANCE and it's forestated mission to "not take any shit, from anybody, even if they's in a wheelchair..."

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"OH, OH, LOOK AT MEEEE....I NEED THE GOOD PARKING SPACE!!!!"



AT FIRST SHE CRIES: JESSICA SIMPSON COCKLESS MOUTH SCREWS ITSELF UP OVER DOLLY PARTON; POSSIBLY BECAUSE OF THE BEAUTY OF THE AGING AMUSEMENT PARK OWNER'S TATARRIFIC DIG DUGS.

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MOMENTS BEFORE THE WATERWORKS BEGAN, JESSICA SIMPSON'S TITS, LIPS, STILL LACKING COCK.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SkullGame) -- JESSICA SIMPSON burst into tears Sunday night after forgetting to juggle our nuts and the words to the DOLLY PARTON song she was performing during the Kennedy Center Honors event for chicks with big giant juggies.

Two years after sister ASHLEE's lip-syncing, non-cock debacle on "Saturday Night Live" hit the headlines, Jessica Simpson showed that live mishaps both with and without penii, run in the family.

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"HMM...HMM...9 TO...HMMM...JUGGY JUG JUGS..."

Performing a cover of Parton's "Nine to Five" hit with "American Idol" star Carrie Underwood at Sunday's bash in Washington D.C., Simpson stumbled over the song lyrics like she stumbles over busboy cock.

She relied heavily on cue cards to sing the song and missed a few lines, the first few that didn't end up straight up her nose. She then abruptly ended her performance saying, "Dolly, you make me so nervous, with those big luscious tits, that I can't even sing the words right. Or read."

Her efforts were met with little applause, prompting embarrassed Simpson to dash off stage, reportedly in tears. She appeared to be crying when she and others involved in the tribute show returned to the stage.

Now you know how we feel. Bubblehead.



FIRST THE FAILURE OF YOUR MARRIAGE, THEN THE ACCIDENTAL DISCOVERY OF YOU WITH A MALE DANCER EX-HUSBAND'S POLE IN YOUR HOLE ON VIDEO. IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS DOES IT BRITNEY? WELL...WE DON'T THINK SO: A PHOTOSOCIOLOGICAL EXAMINATION

BRITNEY PANTOMIMES HER CAREER ARC. MINUS THE INEVITABLE COCONUTTY CONCLUSION

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HER SOULFUL RENDITION OF "MMMGGLPH..." WOULD MAKE HER FAST FRIEND PARIS PROUD

BRITNEY'S LOW POINT: "WHEN MY LIPS GOT SEPARATED FROM THE COCK: A TRAGEDY IN 2 ACTS."

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"ONE OF THE DARKEST DAYS OF NOT ONLY MY CAREER....BUT MY LIFE!"

BRITNEY STOOPS TO CONQUER
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"OOPS...I DID IT AGAIN."



AND BECAUSE WE CARE....MORE ON KRAMER'S CROSS COUNTRY "APOLOGIZE TO A NIGGER" DOOR TO DOOR TOUR COMMENCES IN CONJUNCTION WITH MAD MAX'S "CARE 4 KIKES" SPEAKER SERIES CONVENING IN NY WHERE NYPD APOLOGIZES FOR SHOOTING SOMEONE 137 TIMES RELOADING, SHOOTING 378 MORE TIMES. & SLUTS!


THIS chest-beating, sack cloth and ash tear fest is being sponsored by DRs. PHIL & BEE TEE DEE on the occasion of their newest self-help tome....

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"GODDAMNED RIGHT YOU CAN!!!!"



HAVE YOU SEEN MICHAEL RICHARDS LATELY? DID HE HAVE HIS HAND OUT? TEARS IN HIS EYES? WAS HE HUGGING A NEGRO? OR CLAIMING TO BE A JEW? WAS HE WITH MEL GIBSON? A NATION ON ALERT!!!

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"HAHAH...FUCK ALL Y'ALL NIGRAS!!!"

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Last week, a shocked crisis-management expert Jew Howard Rubenstein angrily acknowledged in the first round of lies that MICHAEL RICHARDS had shouted anti-Semitic remarks in an April standup comedy routine -- well before his appearance earlier this month in which he harangued hecklers with nigger this and nigger that. But he defended Richards' language about Jews, saying that the comic "is Jewish. He's not anti-Semitic at all. He was role-playing...the role of a shekel-grubbing Christ killer," he said in a desperate move to make these sound like good things.

As Rubenstein's assertion circulated, Jewish organizations and commentators pointed out that the man who played Cosmo Kramer on "Seinfeld," while on a Jew show, has not actually converted to Jew and neither of his parents are Jew.

Which makes him ...

"Technically, not having been born by blood as Jewish and not formally going into a conversion, it was purely his interpretation of having adopted Judaism as his religion," a clearly chagrined actual Jew Rubenstein told The Associated Press. "He told me, `I'm Jewish,' when I asked him. He said there were two mentors who raised him and who had a big influence on his life, Amos was one and Andy was the other, and they were Jewish. He said, `I agree with the concepts and the religious beliefs of Jew and I've adopted Jew as my religion,'" Rubenstein said. "I guess he really thinks of himself as Jewish. Perhaps in the same way that he thinks he's funny."

What do some Jews think?

"You can't feel Jewish. It's not a matter of feeling. You can convert to Judaism. You can't not convert to Judaism and then be Jewish," said Rabbi Marvin Hier, founder and dean of the Simon Wiesenthal Center in Los Angeles. "No more than playing basketball with watermelons makes you Black."

After his tirade came to light, Richards apologized on David Letterman's "Late Show" on CBS, saying his remarks were sparked by anger at being heckled, not bigotry. He also apologized to the Rev. Al Sharpton, and apologized Sunday on the Rev. Jesse Jackson's syndicated radio program. He has since embarked on a nationwide Apologia, hitting Washington, DC first, where he is going door to door to apologize "to all the coloreds."

Rubenstein said Richards wasn't available for an interview Tuesday.

"He wants to rest," the publicist said. "He's been talking to his psychiatrist.



SKULLGAME'S SUCKJOB SCAMMERY REACHES APEX AS JUDGE ROY BEAN SCOURS CRAIGSLIST IN STUDENT STUPIDITY STUNT--A MACK AVENUE EXCLUSIVE.

Attn: Struggling Students!!!

SFSU, USF, Cal... hell, City College, probably?

400 level Trigonometry finals got you down?

Can't quite make it through the Canterbury Tales?

Are you attending to the daily academic grind simply because it's an adherence to social norms? Did your socio-economic status get you through the admissions door, but leave you wondering exactly how to achieve your ultimate goals of being successful? Perhaps outside factors are impeding you from making the grade, leaving you in what feels like a day-to-day struggle than only gets worse during these stressful times where the imminence of finals week converges with the impending doom of the holidays?

We know what it's like to feel overwhelmed by academic expectations; what it's like to be the victim of standardized testing procedures that don't necessarily measure potentiality or, for that matter, actuality.

And that's why we at the Skullgame Research Facilities have poured our hearts and souls, not to mention innumerable man-hours, into developing this brand new biological breakthrough elixir specially formulated to improve your scholastic performance so that you too can exceed expectations and succeed in all your academic endeavors.

And the best part? It's available now at a special trial of $0.00! You heard us: Free! With no further obligations!

Tell you more? We'd love to.

Learning Loads is a non-surgical procedure--an orally administered, twice daily dose of synthetic smartness guaranteed to propel you toward the profession of your choice. And because of it's all-natural ingredients, it's a 100% safe concoction.

Absent are the horrible side-effects of dangerous, oft-abused study drugs such as Adderall, Ritalin and Crystal METHAMPHETAMINE. In a double-blind clinical study, esteemed researchers from John Hopkins University found that Learning Loads is five times less likely to cause unwanted side effects than a single cup of coffee. In fact, they even found that Learning Loads doubles as an effective protein supplement.

Don't believe us? Well read our users testimonials, taken from a pool of some of the most accomplished professional women of our day:

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Marilyn Vos Savant (MENSA Member): "Before Learning Loads I was just a regular old bubbleheaded bitch who couldn't balance a goddamned checkbook, let alone move outside of velcro shoes. But since I began a strict supplementary regimen of Learning Loads, I've went on to achieve, nay, SURPASS all of my goals. And my skin is so smooth as well! Thank you Learning Loads!"

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Geena Davis (Actress): "I was worthless. Absolutely fucking worthless. With no direction, no real ambition in life. I was addicted to Books On Tape and everytime I came across a barrier in my life I would just sit there and cry and annoy the shit out of everyone that surrounded me. But now, thanks to Learning Loads, my career has really taken off. I've been in every single Stuart Little movie, and even got to sit next to Jeff Goldblum in that famous scene in the Fly when he vomits on the donut. And guys pay so much more attention to me now that they know I swear by Learning Loads. It's amazing!"
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Hillary Clinton (New York Senator): "I had taken both the Arkansas and the Washington, D.C., bar exams during the summer, but my heart was pulling me toward Arkansas. When I learned that I had passed in Arkansas but failed in D.C., I thought that maybe my test scores were telling me something. Like I was fucking stupid. Like I would be better off just strapping on a hockey helmet and tethering myself to the radiator. Or maybe be a bit more of a ball-busting bitch, a bit more of a total ice queen and force my husband to cheat on me. Then I discovered Learning Loads, and have since shot to the top of my game. And my mouth didn't even cramp up once! I love you Learning Loads!"

It's true: Learning Loads is all-results, zero-hype. Are you still skeptical? Reply to this posting and we here at Skullgame Research Facilities will send one of our highly trained product specialists out to give you a free, no-strings-attached personal evaluation complete with a thorough physical examination to best address your needs and help decide if Learning Loads is for you. So what are you waiting for? With Learning Loads you have nothing to lose, but gallons to gain!

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Learning Loads: Because Sucking Us Off Is The Smartest Thing You Will Ever Do.

STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR REACTIONS OF FEAR, ANGER AND DISMAY. AND JOY. BUT MOSTLY FEAR, ANGER AND DISMAY.


 


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