First OL' DIRTY BASTARD and now DIMEBAG DARRELL. Soon, it'll barely be safe for dudes with cool names to do SHIT anymore. In any case, we wanna take a minute of silence to honor MR. DARRELL for years of great music, putting up with PHIL "I'm Sleepy" ANSELMO and not living long enough to see how he died. It's a goddamned shamed.
AFTER HIS FOOLHARDY CHALLENGE TO THE JIBBA JABBA MASTER HIMSELF, DIMEBAG'S FIRST BRUSH WITH DEATH DIDN'T LAST LONG
SKULLGAME CENTRAL RESEARCH ON DSS (SCROD) INVENTS VAGINA FINDER
WE FOUND SOME PUSSY, VINNIE. AND IT'S NAMED MIKE LA VELLA
SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) -- For Immediate Release:
I, ITALIAN SAL, am pleased to announce that my previously secret relationship with RAYTHEON, MOTOROLA and ALLSTATE INSURANCE has finally borne fruit.
Developed with the nanotechnology of Raytheon, satellite services of telecom superpower Motorola and coupled with actuary tables from Allstate Insurance I am so proud to be a part of the advent of the Downward Spiral Signal, or DSS.
The DSS hooked into your Palm Pilot alerts the user in the event that any woman between the ages of 18 and 24:
1. Starts using crack.
2. Runs out of money for the aforementioned crack.
In the event that both of these things happen simultaneously, or nearly simultaneously, an alert is sent out to the user of the DSS and he can respond to the location using Global Positioning System (GPS) technology, armed with 10 five dollar bills and an erection.
It is so important with Crack Whores to be acquainted with them at the TOP of their inevitable spiral down. The desperation at the top is the SAME as at the bottom, however, the level of fuckability is far GREATER at the top. So with an eye to that this service device will save countless disappointing hours of discovering that you were a day late, a dollar short and an arrest shy of fucking her out of some of the best days of her life. AND yours. That being said...I'm sorry. I got a page. 2402 BUSH STREET....LET'S GO!!!
ASSLEE SIMPSON STILL ALIVE. THE VIGIL CONTINUES
I HAVEN'T BEEN KILLED YET. HOW ABOUT YOU?
LAS VEGAS (SkullGame) -- ASHLEE SIMPSON put her live TV shambles behind her to claim the New Female Artist of the Year -- and poked fun at her "Saturday Night Live" performance that went sour.
The red-faced singer dashed off the stage of "SNL" in tears back in October after she was mortified when a backing track started without her. But she was all smiles at the MGM Grand last night, telling the audience, "I am so, so very excited because I still suck as much as I ever sucked but that didn't stop everyone from disregarding the sucks-a-lot factor when trying to decide how much I actually DID, or did NOT, suck."
Recalling her embarrassing dance on "SNL," she said, "If you're ever feeling nervous ... I have this little trick -- it's called the Texas jig."
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH quickly remarked to the entire nation, "Wha? What the hell are you looking at me for?!!?"
BLATANT ATTEMPT AT AN AD CASH GRAB VIS A VIS AN UNSOLICITED MEDIA REFERENCE OF AMERICA'S GREATEST SPORT
THE SLUT HOST WILLA FORD: 5:1 ODDS WE BAG HER FIRST. ESPECIALLY IF BY "BAG" YOU MEAN JERK OFF OUTSIDE OF HER HOTEL ROOM WINDOW
LAS VEGAS – The Ultimate Fighting Championship® and Spike TV® have assembled 16 athletes from across North America to determine who has what it takes to earn a UFC contract in The Ultimate Fighter™, a new and exciting reality-based television series. The original series, hosted by top recording artist and model Willa Ford, premieres on Monday, Jan. 17 at 11 p.m. (check local listings) following WWE Monday Night Raw and runs for 15 exciting episodes, including a LIVE event. Craig Piligian (co-executive producer of Survivor I, II and III) serves as co-executive producer. New episodes premiere Mondays with encore presentations on Fridays (midnight-1 a.m. EST/PST), on Saturdays (7 p.m. EST/PST) and on Sundays (5 p.m. EST/PST). Competitors in The Ultimate Fighter are not voted off the island, fired by a CEO, or eliminated in a rosy ceremony. Instead, the ones sent home are those who lose in the Octagon® or are sent packing by their coach. The Ultimate Fighter Premiers Jan. 17.
