Red Light District

Rating: THREE "At Work, Rest Or Play MILKY Way" BUSTED NUTS

Whether you like Red Light District’s output or not, you can’t knock ‘em for their DVD titles. We’ve little respect for racial equality here, obviously – then again it would appear no man of this earth is equal in porno stakes when compared with the ‘chocolate’ from which these seeds are sewn.

Though not super stunning, the girls in this flick do have pretty tasty bodies – cover girl DENICE KLARSKOV sporting the tightest bubblebutt I have seen in a long while. Her visible admiration at her partner’s gargantuan manhood is piss funny, but that doesn’t stop her from putting in a fine performance – her screams verge on demonic possession at times. William Friedkin would be proud.

"YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL. BLACK COCKS. BUT COCKS NONETHELESS." DENICE KLARSKOV, AS REGAN IN THE EXORCIST.

MIA BANGG (what a fucking surname) comes on like the slutty foreign exchange student, all euro sleaze and blonde-haired nastiness (in the best possible sense, of course). She takes two guys on in a full-on roasting session, though her tits do have a tendency to ‘pancake’ when lying down, which soured the tender romance a tad for me.

GEN PADOVA initially looks like a cheap SANDRA ROMAIN (ah, the irony of dubbing a pornstar ‘not cheap’! Well fuck you, I found it amusing), though sadly she lacks Ms. Romain’s balls-out enthusiasm, and practically has an embolism trying to fit her boys inside her pussy.

JAMIE ELLE follows her, bizarrely coming off like a possessed, educationally challenged reject for the lead in Lolita. Was the casting agent specifically looking for scary, cod-psychotic teens here? Or have I read this scene all wrong? Thankfully COURTNEY SIMPSON (the staple dirty cheerleader – get in!) rounds proceedings off perfectly, her tan body getting a thorough workout after regaling the camera with her tales of fucking the high school basketball stars. The dirty bitch.

The pre-sex solo flirting definitely goes on way too long, but the rest of the scenes ain’t too bad. And the ‘100% Swallowing’ tag on the cover is no lie either. VINCENT GALLO should take a few lessons from these boys – at least it would’ve made the title of ‘The Brown Bunny’ a little more literal, if he’d had some chocolate seed to hand. -- TEABAG

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