From his humble beginning as a boy obsessed with assholes...
"AS AN ASSHOLE-OBSESSED YOUTH, I WAS MORE AWARE THAN MOST THAT SUCCESS BEGAN AT THE BOTTOM."
...to his time as a defender of the little guy, the down trodden, the disenfranchised and marginalized African-American multimillionaire with nowhere else to turn JOHNNIE COCHRAN was the man who saw hope where there was none. He was the man who freely practiced bigamy. He was the man who at long last is finally dead. We, and multimillionaire Negroes everywhere, salute you, sir. God speed.
ME HELPING A DOWNTRODDEN, BETITTED, TAP-THAT-ASS BY THE NAME O' COLEY, TO HER SHARE OF THE AMERICAN PIE. ESPECIALLY IF BY "PIE" YOU MEAN "SAUSAGE."
FROM ONE GREAT HUMANITARIAN TO A DIRTY WITHHOLDING FUCKING HO: TYRA BANKS TO PASS OFFICIAL CLEAVAGE REDUCTION ACT OF HOMOTONIA, THE LAND OF ALL THINGS THAT BELIEVE THAT WE EVEN GIVE A FUCK ABOUT TYRA WHAT, WITHOUT HER TITS FALLING ALL OVER THE PLACE, HAVING TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN MUMBLING MUSIC FLUTES AND WHATNOT
"GREAT. JUST FUCKING GREAT." ITALIAN SAL'S CUGINO CARMINE WITH MS. TYRA BANKS, PRE-COCK INSANITY
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Titanically tittied supermodelhero TYRA BANKS has decided it's time to launch her anti-erection campaign against America. Or leastways against the portion that doesn't think a boy-girl-boy flick is a little too crowded with chicks. So she put away her cleavage, as she prepares for life as a talk show host.
The catwalk beauty, who is also enjoying reality TV success with "America's Next Top Model...Not As Good As Me" hit show, has long been admired for her copious capstones, also known by their medically accepted term, GAZONGAS, which have been on regular display for a fistfull of cooking grease, furtive trips to the bathroom with the Victoria's Secret promise: no cock undrained.
"I DON'T WANT THIS!" WHATEVER.
Anyways, she's decided it's now time to be known for things other than the only things people care about with her: her curvaceous and big giant tay tays. "I've been the sexpot-type model kinda girl for so long -- I've been modeling since I was 15--and I haven't been able to work out a royalty scheme for every orgasm I've generated and so, FUCK IT.
"Now I'm doing a talk show, where some very unflattering, big titty-wise, fashions by St. Vincent DePaul are on display, I'm even wearing his whole Kill The Cock line and moving into other areas: I'm hosting these girls and being a den mother on my model show, so it's time to retire all this, I think."
America notices for the first time that the tits were connected to someone who was talking. Apparently TO us.
BARBRA STREISAND IS AN UNREGENERATE COCK HOUND. WARNING: THE FOLLOWING REPORT FEATURE SCENES THAT MAY BE DISTURBING & UNSUITABLE FOR A WIDE-VIEWING AUDIENCE.
"AGGGGGHHAAAAHHHHAHA...." WE FUCKING WARNED YOU.
PARIS HILTON RUSHING SUPPLIES, BON BONS & SCENTED WIPES TO TERRI SCHIAVO & POPE JOHN PAUL JONES
TRUFFLES? CHECK! CONDOMS? CHECK! SCENTED WIPES? CHECK! LET'S GOOOO...
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- At a press conference this week, PARIS "The Milk Of Human Kindness...On My Chin" HILTON, had decided that, having been in the paper only ONCE this past week that she needed to do something to remind America that she's a big fan of fellatio.
And she has: "I'm bringing TERRI SCHIAVO and the POPE some tampons and q-tips and all you wanna talk about is my mouth?" Yes. Yes, in fact we do.
How strange and foreign your mouth seems without a cock in it.
AHHH. NOW THAT'S BETTER!
When it was mentioned that SCHIAVO was already dead, and the Pope was on his goddamned way, Hilton said, "well I'm not taking back the wet naps."
