BUT first a word from our ex-President on this, the cusp of NEGRO HISTORY MONTH...
"I HAVE ALWAYS PERSONALLY LIKED NIGRAS. THEY SMOKE CRACK VERY WELL IT SEEMS. AND THEY WEAR PURPLE, USUALLY HATS & CAPES, WELL. SO TO CELEBRATE I'M INVITING THEM ALL TO SPECIAL, UM, PARTY CAMPS. WHERE THEY CAN CONCENTRATE AND STUFF. ON? OH, YOU KNOW, BUILDING THINGS. LIKE, ER, OVENS & SO ON & SUCH LIKE. WE'RE EVEN GIVING AWAY HAM SHANKS. IT'LL BE A BLAST. HAPPY NIGRA MONTH, YOU HAPPY NIGRAS, YOU!!!
THE HEINRICH BIMMLER REPORT: PLUNDERING RICH JEW AARON SPELLING GOES RICH JEW ON UNSUSPECTING ARYAN MAIDEN
A GERMAN ARTIST'S RENDERING OF SPELLING HARD AT "WORK"
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- TV mogul, raper of eyes and father of the "talented" TORI and shit, AARON SPELLING has been slapped with a harassment lawsuit by a former nurse, who claims he groped her and masturbated in her presence in some sort of "Jewish rite of passage."
Charlene Richards claims the 82-year-old Hebrew repeatedly placed his hand on her "groin and genital area" and grabbed her copious and swelling breasties. Many times. Many ways. In the lawsuit, filed in Los Angeles Thursday, Richards alleges Spelling exposed his thick and ample, though wizened by age Jew Penis to her and solicited oral sex saying succinctly at several stages, "Hoover me?"
The nurse alleges sexual harassment, retaliation, wrongful termination and sexual battery. In an unsurprisingly crafty, yet incredibly stupid, Jew countermove Spelling sued Richards for defamation, claiming she violated a confidentiality agreement to not spread cock suckage, titty grabbing stories by spreading cock suckage and titty grabbing stories.
The TV producer's Zionist Jew lawyer, or Jewlyer, Bert Fields insists the lawsuit is "totally baseless, anti-Jewstein propaganda. Oh, and HAPPY NIGRA MONTH to you too!"
AND STARRING ALANNIS MORISSETTE IN LET'S TALK ABOUT LOADS...
BEFORE...
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Singer ALANIS MORISSETTE is loving her new life as a blonde bombshell -- despite her fiance's initial reluctance to embrace her new image. The singer admits lightening her locks was a "whimsical choice" but insists, after sucking so long, that she wanted to try something different. Than sucking we mean.
AFTER. MUCH, MUCH AFTER.
However, the singer's future husband, actor Ryan Reynolds, took a while getting used to her dramatic new style. She says, "It was a hard adjustment for him, I think. He fell in love with a brunette, so ... it took a little moment or two. But we're having fun now together with it! Loads of fun with it."
BERLUSCONI: "I-A, AIN'T-A, FUCKIE-A NO MORE..."
"NO-A MORE-A PUSSY FOR ME!!!"
ROME, Italy (SkullGame) -- Italian Prime Minister SILVIO BERLUSCONI is famous for his ambitious promises, but he is unlikely to be called to task if he breaks his latest pledge to the nation-state of Italia that still has not stopped laughing: not to have sex before the April 9 general election.
At a party rally in Sardinia on Saturday, the media tycoon received the blessing of television preacher Massimiliano Pusceddu, who thanked him for opposing gay marriage and defending family values.
"Thank you dear Father Massimiliano, I'll try not to let you down and I promise you two and a half months of complete sexual abstinence until April 9," Berlusconi replied, in comments reported on Sunday by the daily Il Giornale. "That means no fucking. And I-a no Bill Clinton. NO sucking either. I even-a no drop-o el load-o on the prostitute. In fact Io, neanche darò il denaro alle prostitute per il come alla cosa di bocca!!!" He said to wild applause by the mostly homosexual audience of priests in skirts.
The twice-married Berlusconi, 69, prides himself on his physical fitness, and after a facelift and a hair transplant he looks younger now than he did when he swept to power in 2001. He has often been criticized by commentators and feminist groups for his use of sexual innuendo and sexist jokes. In June he sparked a diplomatic incident with Finland when he said he had used "playboy tactics" to persuade its woman president to give up a bid to site the European Union's food agency in Helsinki rather than the Italian city of Parma.
In a news conference in 2002, he famously complimented Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen for his good looks. "He's so handsome I'm even thinking of introducing him to my wife," Berlusconi chuckled, in a reference to political gossip at the time that his wife, a former "actress," was having an affair with a well-known center-left politician. "Because she's a slutty whore," he finished to baffled looks from the assembled Danes.
GRABBING HIS NUTS & GESTICULATING TO THE ASSEMBLED COURT THAT THEY COULD, IF THEY SO CHOSE, SWING ON AFOREMENTIONED NUTS, HUSSEIN SAYS "SURE, I'M WORKING BLUE NOW, BUT THE WORLD'S READY FOR IT I THINK GODDAMN IT!"
"HEHEHE...HE SAVED THE TIPS....GET IT?"
BAGHDAD, Iraq (SkullGame) -- SADDAM HUSSEIN stormed out of the courtroom at his war crimes trial Sunday after a new chief judge had his half brother forcibly removed from the proceedings by four guards. The trial's new chief judge, Raouf Rasheed Abdel-Rahman, wielded a heavy hand in trying to establish order in the courtroom, resulting in the expulsion of one defendant -- Barzan Hassan -- and a defense attorney.
In the opening moments of the proceedings, which had been delayed five days while two new judges were seated, Rahman told the court that "political speeches" would not be tolerated. "Any accused who oversteps the line will be thrown out of court and will be tried in absentia," he said.
Hassan, Hussein's half brother and former chief of intelligence, began to challenge the court's legitimacy, calling it the "daughter of a whore."
"I will not allow you to insult this court," Abdel-Rahman said.
Hussein took umbrage, however, "You cannot force me to be in court," he said. "This is my right."
"For 35 years I have run your rights, bitch" Hussein said. "And I understand my fucking right and the right of others interrupted by this whore's son of a judge. Therefore, allow me to leave the court. You said the defendant is innocent until proven guilty ... therefore, the defendant should be respected and be given full human rights, including the right to speak at court to defend himself.
Bitches."
A JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORT: NIKE RATED 100th BEST COMPANY TO WORK FOR BY FORTUNE 500 MAGAZINE; “THE FUCK?” RESOUNDS THROUGHOUT ALL OF ASIA SHORTLY BEFORE CAT O’ NINE TAILS IMPLEMENTED TO RETAIN A UNIFORMITY OF EMPLOYEE MORALE. AND SUFFERING. BUT MOSTLY SUFFERING.
PICTURED ABOVE IS THE NAVAJO RESERVATION OF ARIZONA; RATED BY FORTUNE 500 AS THE #4 MOST DESIRABLE LOCATION FOR WHITE PEOPLE TO BUY TIMESHARES AND INDULGE IN “INDIGENOUS RECREATION” SUCH AS CONSUMING MASS AMOUNTS OF LYSOL, SHITTING IN BUCKETS, AND CRYING YOURSELVES TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT. “IT’S REALLY QUITE AN AUTHENTIC EXPERIENCE…AND LOOK AT THE PRETTY VIEW. OOH!”
TAIWAN (SKULLGAME)—Fortune 500 Magazine rated Nike as the 100th Best Company to work for this week; leaving human rights activists and laborers alike wondering exactly the hell was going on while Michael Jordan sat in the background blowing loads on $100 bills and plastering them on the foreheads of all surrounding women, representing the not-so-silent minority while screams of the majority were bound in chicken wire and fettered by ball-chains and electrified tethers in sweatshops through the Asian continent.
“This work is very, very good”, 10 year old Yu Sun-Chow, who earns a wage of approximately _ a goat per year, proclaimed in his “cubicle”, which just happened to be fortified by razor line and decorated with the remains of his siblings; adding, “ever since I hot-glue thumb to shoulder 4 year back, all village children think I the best swimmer. Thank you Nike for all popularity.”
The magazine rated the international industrial juggernaut due mostly to their amended policies regarding foreign labor; changes which were sparked by a world-wide outcry at Nike’s “business practices”. Presently, 90 full-time guards…err…quality control managers have been employed to oversee the aforementioned factories; as well as 176 German Shepherds and 47 armed watchmen…err…human resource representatives whose #1 objective is to facilitate the growth of a better workplace environment; the likes of which is dependant on all this “natural fertilizer that is so abundant at the end of a 20 hour shift.”
Also taken into account was the low turnover rate reported by Nike headquarters, who claim said rate is ~7 %--a figure confirmed by Nike CEO William Perez. “That’s a lot of dead weight… hahahaha… ‘dead weight’… Oh yeah, I mean that’s a lot of dead gook …I mean, dead nip…I mean, what I’m really trying to say is this whole ‘mass grave’ ordeal isn’t at all like what they show you in those Steven Spielberg movies. Those little bastards don’t really roll over all that much; they just kind of slide right down that slope. Hahaha… ‘slope’, get it? Anyhow, when we equip all of our overseas camps…I mean ‘facilities’, with bulldozers…uh…’employee shuttles’ we expect our costs to be cut nearly in half and thus afford greater 'vacation time' to our little yellow friends. We project that their vacation time will be doubled! Those squirrelly fuckers could go home the day after Sun if they wanted to…just as long as they report in by Mon. morning! Achtung!”
When reached from comment, TIGER WOODS added “Yeah, I give a fuck that’s about this big”, to which he stretched his arms out as far as they would stretch. “How big, Tiger? Better ask your mama”, to which he, once again, stretched his arms out as far as they would go. “Anyhow, I do care a lot about the conditions in overseas facilities where those happy little children stitch together the shoes that afford me $80 million dollar contracts for playing golf. And banging your mama. But mostly banging your mother. I’m sensitive to the plights of the disenfranchised. I’m black, remember? You all still believe that, right? No? Oh well…Vorwärts!”
