Alpha Blue Archives

Rating: FIVE "Like Coming Home Again. Emphasis On Coming." BUSTED NUTS

OK. First things first: she's dead.

Second thing: despite the name and her repeated claims of Dutch heritage her real last name was fucking TREGO. Which makes her a rarity: a redheaded Latin (either Eyetalian or Spanishish).

And finally: she died from AIDS.

Which in our mind makes this even better. It's like watching Schindler's List or something. That is, better to see there than BE there. In any case she was/is great. The kind of rack that only comes from cocaine, Studio 54, and unprotected loads. No fucking jogging, yoga, pilates, big giant rubber beach balls upon which to go all Bikram on your inner Chakra. Just Earth Shoes and suckjobs on dirty mattresses in apartments overlooking 42nd street.

NOTHING CAN SOFTEN THE HAMMER & COFFIN. WELL, EXCEPT MAYBE LOADS.

And what makes it even better, and I feel fag for even saying this, but what makes it even better is that she showed us the great promise of what these flicks could be cuz she could ACT. I mean imagine if you were watching, say, Kramer Vs. Kramer, some 70s movies about angry Jews and in the movie midst MERYL STREEP just started sucking sausage very much like sausage sucking was going out of style? Let's see Academy Award Winner Streep try to pull that off!

No. Seriously. I mean it. Let's see it. Anytime now, babe. You ain't getting any younger.

Anyways, with her milky complexion (not one of my typical faves) and her absolutely pendulous and pulchritudinal pa-nay nays and her diving into the spirit of fuck like only a dead, coked out whore can do, I think it has to be said that she has NO equal and this flick despite the damning and disturbing presence of RON JEREMY is so good. Sooooooo good.

How good? COKERIFIC-kind-of-good!

Yeah. It's THAT fucking good. -- VINNIE ROSE

Buy It NOW!