THIS issue of SKULLGAME is sponsored by GUMBALL, our sports partners in the Land of the Rising Sons.
FEEEEELLLLL THE BURNNNNN!!!! AND THE SOOTHING COCONUT UNGUENT CHASER.
JANICE DICKINSON VISITS LOCAL COSTCO; ACTS LIKE A TOTAL FUCKING CUNT.
“NEVERMIND THE LOADWORTHY SWEATER PUPPETS,” JUDGE ROY BEAN EXCLAIMS, “WE WOULDN’T RUN YOUR STUPID-ASS OVER TO PUT OUT THE PIPE FIRE, YOU FUCKING BITCH.”
SANTA CLARA (SkullGame) -- JANICE DICKINSON, self-proclaimed “World’s First Supermodel” and intolerable twat of a woman, was reported as having visited a Santa Clara area Costco Tuesday afternoon where she began hurling “Ho-Hos” at a teenage clerk in an outburst that it appears only she failed to notice the irony in.
The full-time carnival attraction and Surreal Life “snizz-to-end-all-snizz” was apparently disgruntled by the lack of methamphetamine and feminine moisture accelerators on the stores’ shelves—as well as being enraged to the point of blind violence when one employee pointed out that all the Christian Dior products in the world couldn’t cover up the blemishes of her black soul.
"FOR THOSE ABOUT TO FUCKING SHOOT UP NAMED RAFAEL PALMEIRO, WE SALUTE YOU!!!" JOSE CANSECO IN HAPPIER, RAGE-FILLED DAYS
Witnesses say that Dickinson, who claims she is in her late 40s but has really been around since what Milton coined “The Fall from Grace,” started picking up strategically placed impulse items and winging them at employees and customers alike until her turkey-neck started heaving uncontrollably and she was reduced to the last resort making up of another story concerning childhood sexual trauma in an attempt to make somebody, perhaps BRONSON PINCHOT, muster up some pity for her.
When reached for comment, Superior Court Judge Alfred Mann—who presided over Jose Canseco’s last domestic violence case—remarked, “I really wished I would've been a little more lenient on the spic defendant (Canseco), perhaps foregoing the supervised probation. Actually, fuck that, what I’d really like is to pay for the next round of Nandrolone and to donate to any cause that’s trying to get the Surreal Life reunion filmed in International Waters”, to which papers were shredded, winks were exchanged, and Canseco’s entire criminal history was modified down to misdemeanor status.
“That bitch sure could use a slapping, Jose. Hypothetically, of course”.
WHEN THE POT CALLS THE KETTLE A COKE WHORE: NAOMI CAMPBELL & KATE MOSS, ALONE AGAIN. NATURALLY.
WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK I'M HIGH?!??
LONDON (SkullGame) -- Middle aged "Super" Model NAOMI CAMPBELL has spoken out in support of fellow British Bang Stick and Coke Whore-lette KATE MOSS, who is caught up in the midst of a drug scandal of almost as significant proportions as the drug problem that caused said scandal in the first place.
Moss lost three multimillion dollar modeling contracts bring her yearly income to a mere millions versus the pre-scandal millions and millions, and is being investigated, closely, lovingly, thoroughly, by London police on allegations that she was a "medicinal" "user" of cocaine. Moss, in scandal wake "medicinally" "using" her "medicine" even more than she previously had, is receiving support from Campbell via 2 for 5s, 1 on 1s, double daily rails and bullet bindles packed to the nostril with "that wonderfully medicinal medicine." Campbell who has had her own "battles" with cocaine "use," especially if by battles you mean wrestling matches with her $1400 purse and her rock concealing shag carpet, said "Kate Moss, insofar as she's is holding, is my friend. I think it's like everybody is being bad to her. It's not the first time it has happened in the world. Smoking CRACK ROCK COCAINE, that is!!! And even sucking penis FOR said CRACK ROCK COCAINE. These are NOT crimes."
Campbell, who was then reminded by Sarah Doukas, director of the Storm agency (formerly Snow Blind), that she was not helping, flung an ashtray at the head of Doukas who went on to say, "I know Kate, and I have represented her for the last 18 years. Over this time she has consistently demonstrated herself to be a pro and exceptional model and a loyal, special and dear friend to me and countless others. Even when she was fuuuuuccckkkkkkedddd up."
INTERGENERATIONAL IMPREGNATOR DONALD TRUMP SHANKS SLOVENIAN SLUT ON HER WAY TO HER DICK-EATING DOTAGE OF JOBLESSNESS, NANNY-BASED CHILD-REARING, & MEXICAN POOLBOY BALL JUGGLING
"OH GOD!!! CAN WE GET THIS FUCKING THING OVERWITH?!?!" THE LOVELY BRIDE-TO-FUCKING-BE, TRUMP WIFE #3.
PALM BEACH (SkullGame) -- Quick, some DONALD TRUMP arithmetic: 1 plus 1 plus wife 3 = rapid divorce? What is: expecting his first baby with his third wife, Melania Knauss, Alex?
The wizened lemon-suckingly stupid star of The Apprentice already has four children from his first two marriages -- three children with Ivana Trump and one with Marla Maples and is now scheduled to father yet another genetically Frankensteinian spawn of stupid stupidity and extreme Serbo-Croatian beauty.
Trump, 59, married the Slovenian-born model, 35, in a lavish ceremony in Palm Beach, Fla., in January wherein there was a lot of talk about love lasting eternally and curiously very little talk of sagging old man gut flesh rutting rheumily against the firm and giving flesh of the best Bosnian beaver money could, and will, buy.
Knauss and Trump were together for three years before they exchanged vows.
