Mack Avenue Skullgame
Vinnie Pick of the Week
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BLACK is BACK...JACK!
[ Full Review ]








08.31.05
O! THE HUMANITY...THAT WON'T BE ALIVE TO BUY SKULLGAME VIDS! HURRICANE DAMPENS OUR SPIRITS, BEFORE THEY'RE LIFTED AGAIN BY ROOTIN' TOOTIN' LOOTIN': A RACIAL TREATISE. PLUS: SUGE SHOOTING ACCIDENT? EVA LONGORIA'S TRIM & ITALIAN SALANETICS: IT WORKS!

THIS issue of SkullGame is brought to you by Furious Homosexual Marital Aids, the proud makers of the JOE ROGAN PRO SERIES Oral Satisfier: "With the Kiss of An Angel".

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WHEN THINGS AREN'T SUCKING QUITE WELL ENOUGH? LET JOE HELP...



IT'S AN ILL WIND THAT DOESN'T BLOW SOMEONE. A RACIAL REPORT ON ROOTIN' TOOTIN' LOOTIN' IN THE BIG EASY

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"HEYYYYY....I'M ON MY FUCKING BREAK!!!"


NEW ORLEANS (SkullGame) -- With much of the city flooded by Hurricane Katrina, looters floated garbage cans filled with clothing and jewelry down the street in a dash to grab what they could. In some cases, looting on Tuesday took place in full view of police and National Guard troops whose numbers were aggressively depleted by deployments to Iraq so that once again Americans get the SHAFT as a result of the Billionaire Boy's Club counting money and mountain biking in Texas.

Or DO they?

Our intrepid reporter CORNHOLIO who happens to BE in New Orleans at some pimp-related symposium offered this photosociological report of Race Baiting import. So forthwith

THE SKULLGAME GUIDE TO SHIT THAT MOTHERFUCKERS BE DOING WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OFF

THE NON-PANICKING HISPANIC APPROACH TO THIEVERY

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"I FIRST NOTED THIS MEXICAN, SANS BMX BIKE DOWN OFF THE QUARTER. NOTE HIS SAGE CHOICE OF OBJETS D'FELONY: CLOTHES. SENSIBLE. USEFUL. PLENTIFUL. THESE NIGGAS ARE GOOD STEALERS. OUTSIDE OF BEING PHOTOGRAPHED STEALING AND ALL.



NATTERING NABOBS OF NEGRO UTILITY

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"NOTE BROTHER MAN'S SWAG. AT FIRST WE HAD SURMISED THAT THE BEERS WERE FOR A PARTY. UNTIL WE REALIZED THAT 12 BEERS AIN'T NO PARTY. THEN WE FIGURED THEY WERE HIS MOST VALUABLE POSSESSIONS RESCUED FROM THE BACK SEAT OF HIS LINCOLN CONTINENTAL. HOWEVER, AFTER A PERSONAL INTERVIEW WE DISCOVER THAT HE INDEED DOES NOT DRINK & IT'S NOT THE BEER HE'S STEALING AT ALL BUT THE PLASTIC CONTAINER (WHICH JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE HOLDING BEER), THAT HE PLANS TO USE TO HOLD THE DRAINED OIL FROM HIS HEAD GASKET IN. HE LATER SMASHES THE BEERS AGAINST THE SIDE OF A BUILDING. WHILE ENJOYING THE SMOOTH FLAVOR OF A NEWPORT LIGHT."



WHITE FLIGHT...STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING WINN-DIXIE

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"HERE WE FOUND A RENEGADE SECURITY GUARD WAVING OFF THE COLOREDS & MAKING THE WORLD SAFE AGAIN FOR WHAT WHITEY DOES BEST: TAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT. THE SHOTGUN SINGLEHANDEDLY GUARANTEES THAT FAT WOMEN WITH HANKERINGS FOR TABLOID NEWSPAPERS, BBQ SAUCE & DING DONGS CAN GET THEIR HANDS ON ALL WHAT THEY MIGHT NEED WITH NARY AN INTERRUPTION IN THEIR FLABBY JAWED GUMMING OF HIGHLY PROCESSED FOODS. AND DRUNKEN SNUFFY SMITH MAN MEAT. WELCOME TO THE AMERICAN SOUTH."


IN CONCLUSION: It was a photosociological disgrace. Nobody was buying no porn, I couldn't find a decent car antenna and YOU try getting your knob sucked under 4 feet of sewer water. It is a tragedy of sewer water suckjob proportions. Thank you very much. -- CORNHOLIO



IN OTHER NATIONAL NEWS SUGE KNIGHT SHOOTER POSSIBLY A PAL; WITH PALS LIKE THESE...

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MARION "SUGE" KNIGHT ON THE COVER OF HIS FAVORITE MAGAZINE "YELLOW TAPE" MAGAZINE STATING THAT "GUNS DON'T KILL FRIENDS. FRIENDS KILL FRIENDS. OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT."

MIAMI (SkullGame) -- Miami police are investigating the possibility that hip-hop mogul MARION "SUGAR BEAR" KNIGHTwas shot accidently on purpose on Saturday night -- either by himself or by a member of his entourage -- for "fun."

The 40-year-old star was shot in the leg during a pre-MTV Video Music Awards party in Miami Beach, Fla., just moments after enthusing to the assembled press how tensions within the hip-hop community are calming down. "Man, I am just SOOOO happy," said a beaming Knight. "I'm justa gonna shoot my own ass." Which he subsequently did, inviting other revelers to do the same.

Knight is in intensive care at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach after undergoing surgery on his shattered leg bone and is looking forward to getting back to shooting himself as soon as humanly possible.



ITALIAN SALANETICS IN ACTION: HOW TO CRAFT THE PERFECT PERSONAL AD

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LYING FOR VAGINA & CLIMBING MOUNTAINS


I have realized in my years that I am not too proud to beg, not too proud to steal and certainly not too proud to lie in the effort of getting pussy.

I came to this realization while tackling Everest; another one of my lies. I was preparing to leave base camp and as I looked out toward the neverending purple sunrise, I seen a sliver of heaven, also a lie.

In reality I actually decided to emulate the pick-up lines of a dear friend of mine. My dear friend utilizes the blitzkrieg method of vagina getting. He will pepper the potential girl attached to the potential vagina with an array of outright lies and aggressive half truths. Each and every one of the outright lies and aggressive half truths having a corresponding back story and/or anecdotal tidbit in the event that the potential girl attached to the potential vagina decides to do a bit of potential on-the-spot fact checking.

It was there... on Everest, on an icy shelf far from the world at home that I truly touched the face of God. It was also there that I lost two of my dearest friends...Hold me, it's all too much.

See what I mean?



EVA LONGORIA'S 15 SLUT MINUTES OF FAME ALMOST UP

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STOP IT....I'M SO SHY!!!! STOOOOPPPP IT !!!!

MIAMI (SkullGame) -- Desperate Housewives "actress" EVA LONGORIA "still" "can't" "believe" "she" "found" the "courage" to wear a barely there tangerine bikini to introduce Mariah Carey at Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards.

The actress had a nervous episode backstage just before she stepped out to thrill at Miami's American Airlines Arena in her sexy little outfit. She recalls, "My stylist had to 'literally' 'push' me 'out'. I did 'not' want to do it and all my girlfriends are here and they were like, 'Do it, do it, do it.' It (the outfit) was classy and beautiful and looks almost like a dress -- if you just put the bottom on. I was visually vulnerable."

She says, "Did I already mention in the press conference how shy and ashamed I was at going camel toe on national TV? You think I need to have a few more press conferences? Well call me if so. And if you need me? Yeah, I'm going to be out screaming my name at passersby now while I undress, if you don't mind."

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I'M SOOOO FUCKING SHY....YOU LIKE THIS PIC?!?! IT'S FOR MY NEW FUCKING BILLBOARD...OHMIGOD!!!!!!


 


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