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TRUE CONFESSIONS: CONVERSATIONS OVERHEARD AT UFC 54 SNOOZEFEST
GAY ICON PHIL BARONI. IN A FAMILIAR "POSE"
A FIGHTER NAMED BRIAN GASSAWAY WHO WILL REMAIN NAMELESS: "How do these shorts look?"
VINNIE: "You mean the ones withOUT the SkullGame URL? Well, frankly, sir, they look Gay."
A FIGHTER NAMED BRIAN GASSAWAY WHO WILL REMAIN NAMELESS: "Hah. Not as GAY as SkullGame!!!"
VINNIE: "Yeah. You can't get much gayer than hetero porn. Which perhaps accounts for your extreme affection for man love videos. Thank you very much."
KENDELL SPRUCE: GOOD CHECK FORGER. NOT-SO-GOOD FIGHTER
IN THIS ARTIST'S RENDERING KENDELL SPRUCE IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO HIS ASS ORDEAL.
SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) -- Kendell Spruce, an Arkansas check forger with a penchant for bisexuality and, well, check forging, was arrested last year and placed in general where according to eyewitness accounts "he made mad, passionate, face-down, bar-of-soap-in-the-mouth love" to no fewer than 27 of his fellow inmates, including his cellmate who was later found to have infected him with HIV.
A visibly agitated ROD HICKMAN, secretary of the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation said "we have a commitment to keep prisons safe from substandard ass bandinage of all varities because we treat prisoners humanely. And by making candles, soft music, chiffon, and incense available to them where feasible, we think we now have in place a system to ensure that ass rape is not only enjoyed by but a few but by as many as care to participate. We take ass rape THAT seriously. To us, believe me, it is NO joke."
AND SPEAKING OF ASS RAPE: COURTNEY LOVE DELIVERS A HEAPING, HELPING OF IT TO AMERICAN JUSTICE
A BLUBBERY AND BLUBBERING COURTNEY LOVE HAS ONLY BUT ONE REGRET: "I SHOULDA HAD THE CHOCOLATE ECLAIRS!"
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- In the courtroom of public opinion and extreme obviousness COURTNEY "CHUNK STYLE" LOVE delivered a shocker to end all shockers that curiously shocked no one when she cheerfully, er, uh, tearfully, admitted using drugs in violation of her probation terms Friday. The rocker-actress was ordered into a 28-day drug treatment program by a judge who said he had wanted to put her in jail but wouldn't on account of her being, "um, rich, white, fat, famous and prone to shotgunning ex-husbands to death. And whatnot."
"I think that you need to hit rock bottom," said Superior Court Judge Rand Rubin, a man who had not heard Love's last record, to a sobbing Love, "before you make a decision about what you're going to do in the future."
Love's voice cracked as she said, "Yes, your honor," when asked by Rubin if she understood she was admitting to three probation violations and NOT a second heaping, helping of Hamburger Helper. The 41-year-old Love was told to enter a drug treatment facility by the end of the day. Her attorney, the wily Jew Howard Weitzman, wouldn't disclose the name of the facility (IN-OUT BURGER) or whether it was a lock-down program, but said that this would probably be the 369th and last wake-up-call for the visibly contrite Love. "As of my completion of this sentence that I am speaking right now she is beyond a shadow of a doubt CLEAN.
A-hem."
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: FUCKING HOES LIKE FUCKING HOES ABOUT TO GO OUT OF STYLE
"ARNOLD...HE...HE FUCKED ME...AND THE LEFT ME $20,000 RICHER..." NICE R.O.I. SLAMMY...
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER's sex life is back in the spotlight again according to the LA Times who says a woman alleged to have had an affair with the Governor of California was paid $20,000 to keep quiet. The payments to Gigi Goyette are said to have been made by scandal mag National Enquirer.
A friend of the woman, Judy Mora, is quoted as saying: "I kind of felt that they just wanted to not hear more about Arnold and his women or his flirtations." The alleged payments were made just after the film star announced his gubernatorial candidacy in 2003.
A spokesman for Arnie has denied the actor had any involvement in them saying "did you SEE that broad?!?! Yeah. Right. Believe me Arnold did NOT have sex with that woman. Or at least not any sex where they were face to face. Perhaps it was ass sex that they had, I don't know, but Jesus H. Christ...20 G's for that? What the fuck was he thinking?"
