BUT first it must be said that just because this woman's first sexual experience...
HATH NOT A SLUT EYES? HATH NOT A SLUT SEXUAL CONGRESS WITH A COCKER SPANIEL?
...was an unlawful coupling with a canine that that is no reason why she should be castigated, upbraided and ridiculed for unlawful coupling with a canine. No. In the sheltering arms of our TEAMING UP FOR AMERICA charitable giving organization even dog-humping whores like this one can be irremedially redeemed from a life of interspecies sexing and be set on the straight & narrow to a normal and fulfilling double team experience. Thank God.
SkullGame Therapeutic Community: A Place To Call Home. Where You'll Get Double Teamed.
TOM CRUISE IN A HUFF THAT HIS NBA SHOT CALLING WASN'T BETTER RECEIVED GETS SQUIRTED. IN THE FACE. WITH SOME LIQUID. IN A STUNT WIDELY SUSPECTED TO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH NOTHING GAY. DESPITE ALL THE EVIDENCE TO THE FUCKING CONTRARY.
ACTING LIKE HE AIN'T BEEN THERE BEFORE, TOMMY BOY TOWELS DOWN
LONDON (SkullGame) -- "OK. So maybe when I did yesterday's SkullGame sports thing, I didn't get everything right," said a visibly miffed non-homosexual TOM CRUISE. "Sure, sure, I mistakenly called the goalie a tackle and whatnot. Sure I mistook inveterate veteran reefer manic RASHEED WALLACE for a peanut vendor. And yes, sure, when the Pistons won last night I thought that they had won the Stanley Cups or whatever. But that was absolutely no reason to splash me in the face with a liquid vaguely resembling oil of Olay. Or coconut oil."
"All I'm saying is that enough is enough. Call your fucking GAME 7 yourself. I'm off here in London and in London I'll stay. Waiting for my, um, lovely bride-to-be, um, Katie? To later join me on a press junket of couch jumping, fist pumping and public declarations of a heterosexual love that will span the ages."
SNOOP DOGG'S BITCHES OFFEND OFAYS
SAY WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT ABOUT THIS "GIMME GIMME" SOCIETY. THIS "ME-FIRSTERISM." THIS "I GOT MINE NOW YOU GET YOURS" ETHOS, IT'S NEVER BEEN MORE CLEAR THAN IT IS NOW: SNOOP DOGG FUCKING CARES.
SMALAND (SkullGame) -- Rapper & Super Negro SNOOP DOGG sparked an uproar at a Swedish rock festival last week by screening graphic porn during his raunchy set. Swedish rap fans, apparently not made of as strong of stuff as their American counterparts, were upset at the Hultsfred Festival in Smaland, when he showed them the film, which featured explicit lesbian sex, on a big giant screen.
A spokesman for the rapper says, "We are very sorry, but we cannot apologize on behalf of our boss, Rich Negro Delicious His Royal Imperial Snoop Doggus X."
Snoop has produced several porn films, including "GIRLS GONE WILD: DOGGY STYLE," SNOOP DOGG'S "DOGGYSTYLE". As well as the follow on lines DOGGY DOG DICKING STYLE, STYLEY DOGG: SNOOP DOGG'S, and of course the perennial fave, "DOGGY DOGGS RICH & FUCKING YOU IN THE BUTT STYLE."
ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO: THE COCK-BLOCKING ELF: FACT? OR GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING FICTION?
SIGHTING NUMBER 1 OF THE ELF IN ACTION: "HEYYYYY....I FUCKING LIVE HERE TOO, YOU KNOW..."
On Thursday night myself and a friend found ourselves at a neighborhood sports bar in a neighborhood neither of us was from. The one and only contributing factor to us being at this aforementioned sports bar in the aforementioned neighborhood was the fact that my aforementioned friend had worked there until just recently and was still able to buffalo drinks out of the bartenders on shift that night.
Now picture, if you will, the both of us sitting belly to bar knocking back shots of whiskey, first Makers Mark--as the evening progressed Jack Daniels and finally Single Malt Jack Daniels, we both sat at the corner of the bar by ourselves laughing and drinking, drinking and laughing, drinking…ever drinking. In my field of vision, which had not yet been dimmed by the alcohol, I noticed two extremely attractive tall blonde females, noticing them the way you would notice a nice car in a parking lot, I see, I appreciate the fact that they are attractive, make note of it, fold it up and tuck it away in my head.
No sooner then the scribbled mental note was folded and tucked away both blondes ended up walking toward us. Walking….ever walking. We continued to talk as they made their way to a spot adjacent to us at the bar, sitting kitty corner from where they sat down, our conversation stutter stepped, a fact that they noticed, and then continued. “Sorry to cut in on your conversation.” The taller of the two interjected. “We were just wondering how it was that the two best looking guys in the bar are sitting all by the themselves in the corner.” (Momentary Silence)
So there we are, momentarily stunned by the aforementioned blondes in the aforementioned bar in the aforementioned neighborhood preparing to parry the opening volley… “Where, that corner?” Says my friend pointing to the other side of the bar, he then looks behind himself and says. “ Is there someone behind me?” They laugh, he laughs, I laugh, we laugh. Myself, my friend, the aforementioned blondes in the aforementioned bar in the aforementioned neighborhood that coincidentally neither of us was from, the blondes included! All laughing.
Then I spotted it, him, it, have you ever seen grainy video of a tornado in….Nebraska? You see the twister coming, you see the destruction in its wake but above all…. you see it coming.
SIGHTING NUMBER DOS (AN ARTIST'S RENDERING): "ARE YOUSE PROSTITUTES?!?!"
In this case this was a neighborhood drunk who was sporting a stupid beige outfit and a matching stupid beige grin, along with that…a case of male pattern baldness that just screams out “let it go man!” As he made his way toward us I had just enough time to nudge and, it…it…out of time. It hit and it hit hard “Tits, yeah! Tits strippers! Yeah, tits and strippers!”
I just dropped my head in disbelief. How often does this happen? Two women approach you! The aforementioned blondes in the aforementioned bar in the aforementioned neighborhood that coincidentally neither of us was from, the blondes included! All leaving, walking leaving…ever leaving.
Then…only quiet, I was about to raise my head and could feel the smoke coming out of my ears. Gone was the deer in the headlight feeling now only rage, an erection-fueled rage, the rage of an erection that will never be. Anger, rage, anger and rage for the aforementioned drunk. The drunk from the aforementioned bar, in the aforementioned neighborhood, a neighborhood that was magically missing its drunk. He was gone, it was almost as if he said: “my job is done here!” and he took off his cock-blocking cape and scampered off.
Who does these things, who cock blocks at such a high level and then just disappears? Was he a mythical cock-blocking Elf? Who does these things?!?
