Madness Pictures

Rating: ONE "Aching & Pleading" BUSTED NUTS

A few evenings back, the lady and myself were going through my most recent SkullGame parcel; looking for both friend and foe to school in the art of all things fuck. A challenge is what we sought--students to beat; Sensei's to defeat; someone, anyone to prove to that we know that which we do.

Package after package were sorted into piles labeled "Hell yeah!" and "Why the fuck not?" -- except, of course, for this disc, which she picked up, eyed over, exclaimed "this looks pretty gay", and tossed into the "Not if you want any of this" file.

OH YEAH. THIS IS JUST ABOUT TO GET GOOOOOOD....FIRST THE MICRO-MINI, AND THEEEENNN THE STUNT COCK. PERFECT.

I should've listened to her wisdom and reported this DVD as MIA; but alas sometimes "fire=hot" is a questionable truth in my mind. Through this I have scars. Scars a'plenty.

So the deal is as follows: this disc contains faux Reality T.V. (and we are not talking about the ultra-kosher V.D. Island, When Good Pets Go Bad, or Who Wants to Be A Bloodthirsty Dictator strain of "reality" programming) that is so obviously staged that it would take a novice window peeper to fall for this pile of horseshit. What we have is a bunch of substandard porn stars having very blurry, uneventful sex that doubles as a fat bag of visual Soma minus the requisite elation. Half the time it doesn't even appear as if anyone is fucking; but perhaps just scratching the mutual itch...

...and to top it off? There are no navigation features -- no chapter selections, no extras, NOTHING. Hell you have to wade through 10 minutes of red tape before this motherfucker will even allow your "menu" button to work; and when you push it all it does is take you back to the aforementioned annoyance.

Fuck this movie; fuck who ever produced it; fuck who ever mistakenly loved said fuckers; and fuck any of youse that think I'm wrong about any of this. Because I ain't.

Starring: A bunch of twats BRAD PRICE used to platonically sleep next too, lend compassionate ears toward, and bitch lip ex-boyfriends with. -- JUDGE ROY BEAN

Buy It For The Express Purpose Of Grokking How Bad It IsNOW!