Leisure Time

Rating: FOUR "My What A Big Ass You Got Grandma" BUSTED NUTS

Let me esplain somethin' to you: IF when we say GRANNY, you just think of that old bitch next door, or perhaps, the one that's driving 55 in the fast lane, or maybe even the army of forgotten faces of broads over 50 who populate every single supermarket in every single city in America, well then you're totally OK with this old broad obsession of mine.

IF, however, you think of your OWN Grandma? Well you are fucked and no matter how much cheerleading I do for this creaking niche, you will just not get it.

SALLY LAYD, A LEISURE TIME GRANDMA GETTING GANGPOLED THE ONLY WAY SHE KNOWS HOW: IN EXCHANGE FOR FOOD STAMPS.

But see with me it helps that

1) none of these old broads look anything like MY grandma.

and

2) well, see number 1.

And this fine, fine piece of work from probably my favorite budget house around, Leisure Concepts (nee Leisure Time) is...wait...let me just say again that I fucking love the name of their company...because, of course, my concept of LEISURE, much like KARL MARX'S has everything to do with the workers maximizing their pants-around-the-ankles' masturbation TIME, but I digress. This flick has like the Hollywood version of desperate housewives getting double-teamed SkullGame style: with maximum efficiency. None of this fixation with the modern high-fangled faggotry of two poles in the same hole. Nope. Like pigs on spits these ancient mariners getting poked from either end again and again before the facial basting that was as much an audience fave back then as it is now is my definition of a fucking party.

And to put a finer point on it (again): these old broads fuck like their lives depend on it. Which, to think of it, may indeed be the fucking case. -- VINNIE ROSE

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