But first the debut of the newest SkullGame gameshow entitled HOW HIGH ARE WE?

SAY HELLO TO MARY POPPIN'S TITS. ALL FOUR OF THEM.

We jerked off to the above image

A) Once
B) Still jerking off to it
C) Who's Mary Poppins?
D) If I tell you who Mary Poppins is, will you think I am gay?
E) Yes
F) All of the fucking above

HOW...HIGH...ARE...WE?

BUBBLEHEAD BONANZA: IN A SYMPHONY OF POPS & BURBLES FARRAH FAWCETT TRIES TO SAY SOMETHING TO CO-SLUT ANNA NICOLE SMITH ABOUT "SNOLLIES MMPHS..."

"...MPPE MEES! S-S-S...ARE-EEEEEEEE!!!" A POSTCARD FROM NOW

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Speed-fueled Slutress FARRAH FAWCETT is eager to get on ANNA NICOLE "FATTY ARBUCKLE" SMITH's hefty good side again, after a brief war of slurred words in the clearest case yet of pots, kettles and Negroes calling each other names: Fawcett, who was last seen getting her head bounced off of her driveway by her boyfriend and felon here known only as Pizza Boy, labeled Smith's self-slurred "reality" show a "train wreck" in the first episode of her new unscriptedly self-slurred series, "CHASING FARRAH...DOWN THE DRIVEWAY."

A PUBLICITY STILL FROM HER NEW SERIES SHOWING FARRAH, DRESSED FOR DRIVEWAY DUTY

The former "Charlie's Angels" star's comments, when explained to her by a Meth Translator, proved to be highly offensive to busty Smith, who recently stated, through an Oxy Interpreter, in her weekly column for the National Enquirer, "Train wreck? Have you seen a mirror lately? Looks like your train wreck came 15 years ago. What did you do anyway, hit your nose on the train while doing a rail? Because it sure needs to be straightened out. It's a shame you had to talk about me because I," interrupted by unintelligible blubbering, "really loved you."

But Fawcett is keen to squash the battle, explaining, "This is so sad. So sad. Sad sad sad saddie sad," said a visibly huffing Fawcett as she dragged her face across parallel powdered lines. "When they were pitching the show to me I said the shows that I didn't want to do. She got mad and wrote something very bad and then I was sad. It wasn't directed at her. I could've said (Donald Trump's "The Apprentice") if he was a husky hophead. But I didn't mean her. I meant the Anna Nicole Smith show. I apologize if I hurt her fatty feelings. Just love me again and loan me a few, OK?"

...WELLLLL....OK...IF YOU BUY ME A BEAR CLAW...

ASSHOLE ELLEN BARKIN HAVING ASSHOLE FANTASY ABOUT BEING A FUCKING BROKE ASSHOLE.

"AND...AND...AND...I COULD ROLL AROUND IN MY OWN SICK. AND LIVE IN AN ABANDONED LOT AND BE ALL SENSITIVE AND SHIT. LIKE A CALVIN KLEIN MODEL...YEAHHH. THAT'D BE GREAT.

ASSHOLISTAN (SkullGame) -- Assholetress ELLEN BARKIN, in a revelation of absolutely stunningly significant self-involvement, has discovered a major downside of being married to a billionaire ..........................................................................................................................oh, we're sorry: the constant presence of staff in her mansion. The star married RON PERELMAN, the owner of cosmetic giant Revlon, in 2000 and has since been living in the mansion surrounded by chefs, butlers and cleaners.

While she appreciates her life of luxury, she often dreams of a bygone era when she had the opportunity to cook her own meals and scrub her own toilet. She says, "Sometimes we talk about buying a little apartment, like a normal apartment, where we'd go on weekends, and I'd have my own kitchen, and I could cook. And then I think, 'Yeah, and I could play make-believe I'm normal like I used to be.' Well, that's stupid." She then returned to lighting her cigarette with $100 bills, mocking the poor, and concluding the written portion of her covenant with Satan.

"YOU COULD FUCK A WOMAN IN THE MOUTH ON TV AND WE STILL WON'T BELIEVE YOU, TOM," A NATION'S STUNNING ADMISSION OF DUCKS & HOW THEY WALK & TALK

"I'LL SHOW YOU!!! IF YOU DON'T WANT ME I'LL FIND A GAY MAN WHO WILL!!!

HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- TOM "I'M NOT GAY" CRUISE has a new "girlfriend" -- newly single actress KATIE HOLMES. The movie superstar has been spotted, in a frantic fever of conspicuous heterosexuality, wining and dining the former "Dawson's Creek" beauty, and now his sister and publicist Lee Anne Devette has confirmed the rumors of a romance are true. And if having your sister defend you ain't gay we don't know what is.

The new golden couple, who are separated by 16 years, but not their affinity for all things cock related, are currently enjoying a romantic getaway on Mykonos, where Cruise is scheduled to receive a national award for his contribution to cinema this weekend. Or something.

Holmes announced her split from fiance Chris Klein in February and was romantically linked to Josh Hartnett, who Cruise has been wanting to meet, while Cruise "split" "amicably" with Spanish "lover" Penelope Cruz last year and had "reportedly" been "dating" Latina model Sofia Vergara.

Who's he trying to fucking kid?

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