"Hot metal and methadrine."-- Sisters of Mercy
WHAT A DIFFERENCE 20 YEARS, A TRANSCONTINENTAL RAILWAY OF CRANK, AND GETTING YOUR HEAD BASHED IN ON YOUR DRIVEWAY CONCRETE BY YOUR SPEED DEALER MAKES: FARRAH FAWCETT, THE SKULLGAME PATRON SAINT OF LOST WEEKENDS
THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS. ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE OFFERED TO YOU BY THAT COLUMBIAN PRICK JOSE RIOS WHO, IT SHOULD BE NOTED, MAKES A DANGEROUS HABIT OF BURNING HIS ERSTWHILE FRIENDS BY GOING A LITTLE TOO HEAVY ON THE BAKING SODA
1) MARGOT KIDDER
I BLAME SUPERMAN
2) You fuck the ring card girls and forget to steal their purses afterward.
YOU FUCK US? ON WHAT FUCKING FANTASY PLANET?
3) Your total inability to crank this list up to 10. (Operative word being crank.) Despite having ROBERT DOWNEY JR. as creative fucking consultant on this whole fucking thing.
WE BLAME SOCIETY!
ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO: MACAULAY CULKIN!!!
DON'T ASK. JUST DON'T ASK.
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Not only did VINNIE and I make it down to Fresno this weekend for the WORLD EXTREME CAGEFIGHTING match, which we will detail in full furtively delivered ring card girl blowjobs at some later point, but we also made it to some premiere event in LA during which I had the extreme pleasure of corralling the HOMO ALONE star himself, MACAULAY CULKIN. Him of the Michael Jackson sleepovers. Him of the curse of child stars who no one gives a fuck about anymore. WELCOME TO MACK AVE MOTHERFUCKER!!!
SkullGame: Whoa! This is a great party hey?
Macaulay Culkin: Yeah! I am really enjoying myself. Did you enjoy the screening?
SG: Screening?
MC: Yes, the screening of the movie.
SG: Movie?
MC: Yes! The movie! That’s why this party is going on.
SG: Ah yeah, I was just pulling your chain bro. Yeah, I don’t know. I can’t really get into a flick that I can’t pull out my cock and jack off to. You know what I mean?
MC: What news organization did you say you were with?
SG: Ah yes, I’m actually with CNN. I am doing a feature on mainstreaming pornography and FARRAH FAWCETT. But if it’s okay can I ask you some questions?
NOT BAD. NOT BAD AT ALL FOR A SKAG.
MC: Yes, yes absolutely!
SG: Great, great. But I’d really like to loosen up before this interview though. Maybe a Captain Morgan Rum…a Captain and Coke. And I don’t want no Rum and Coke and Coke or a Cuba Libre. Who the fuck drinks those anyhow? But you know what I was really hoping for? A bag of chips. You know, religious reasons. Got to leave that pork alone…But what d’you say we start this interview now and stop fucking shilly-shallying around??
MC: Absolutely, dude. That would be totally cool.
SG: OK. I understand your Dad found, um, troubled pop superstar MICHAEL JACKSON sucking on a baby bottle with his 2-year-old son, your brother, Rory? Not only that but it wasn’t one of your brother’s bottles that he was sucking on, leading me to surmise that MJ has a collection of his own?
MC: I, um, don’t really want to talk about Michael, I mean his, I mean he’s a…I mean…
SG: Yeah, yeah, fine. Why don’t you just run along then?
MC: What’s that?
SG: I said I love this song. [Putting my hands up, I proceed to do a little dance. There is, it should be noted, no music playing at all save for the song I am tunelessly humming.]
At this point his handler explained to him that I was insane and didn’t work for CNN. He was an OK guy though. As gay as a 24-hour day is 24 hours, but he was OK. I mean he was no FARRAH FAWCETT, but he was OK.
CARLY FROM PORNBLOGRAPHY ACTUALLY REVIEWS THE MOVIE FOR US AS WE WERE TOO BUSY ENJOYING THE LIFTING OF THE HIV QUARANTINE TO BOTHER EVEN SEEING IT. WHATEVER IT WAS.
NINA HARTLEY GETTING ASS MUGGED BY CARLY PORNBLOGRAPHY JUST FOR OUR DEGENERATE PLEASURES
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- I do on-set reports for Club Magazine, and here's one for my dear friend VINNIE ROSE.
So and so takes so and so from behind, thrusting madly, she explodes in orgasmic glee and then does her impression of a Krispy Kreme donut when he paints her face with protein.
A good time was had by all.
The end.
