LEGALLY BLONDE'S REESE WITHERSPOON NAKED!!! WE WISH? ACTUALLY WE DON'T. NOT AT ALL
EX-HUSBAND RYAN PHILLIPE TELLS AMERICA "I TOLD YOU SO" AS EX-WIFE WITHERSPOON COZIES WITH MAN KISSER GYLLENHALL
FROM THIS...
In a move surprising no one and strangely foreshadowed in ITALIAN SAL's review of PREGNANT LADIES #19, film fox Reese Witherspoon of "Legally Blonde" fame has pulled a switch up on the confused and saddened Frenchman Ryan Phillipe.
...TO THIS: A FRENCHMAN SOBS IN FEAR; THEN SURRENDERS
"I was never told this would happen. Never. Did you know?" Asked the baffled Gaul.
Yes, French Fry, we knew.
Our condolences go out to Monsieur Phillipe for having to answer the "do you think I look fat?" question with the "of course you don't dear" lie 273.75 times in a row.
AND FROM earlier in the week.......
STUNNING BATTLEFIELD REVELATION: "I KNEW IT WAS PAT TILLMAN," SAYS SPECIAL FORCES GUNNER. "I'M A PLAYA HATER. AND HE WAS A PLAYA. WHO I HATED." PLUS: JENNIFER ANISTON'S SPERM HUNT, BARRY BONDS: METH ACHIEVER & AN ANGRY, ANGRY VINNIE ROSE
AND this sudden dispatch from our man in the field, LT. TODD ATKINS: some rare insight into the PAT TILLMAN Afghanistan battlefield murder. Only when we begin holding our leaders accountable for wasting BILLIONS in the toilet bowl of the Middle East will our brave men and women in uniform be able to go back to being broke and ignored by politicians, country singers and TV talk show hosts.
PAT TILLMAN MERE MOMENTS BEFORE HE WAS DRIVE-BY SHOT BY SELF-DESCRIBED "PLAYA HATER" WHO APPARENTLY QUESTIONED THE WISDOM OF A MAN WHO WALKED AWAY FROM MILLIONS TO GET SHOT BY SOMEBODY "WHO AIN'T NEVER HAD MORE THAN 2 NICKELS TO RUB TOGETHER."
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SkullGame) -- The Army moved today to stanch the furor over the mishandling of the drive-by shooting death of Pat Tillman in Afghanistan by censuring a golfing and retired three-star general for "errors, deceptions, and oopsies" and apologizing profusely from their cellphones while on the 16th hole at Augusta to the Tillman family, as well as the public for “mistakes, misjudgments and a failure of leadership. And more oopies. Say, boy, could you freshen up this mit julep?”
Army Secretary Pete Geren outlined the results and recommendations of the seventh and what he said he expected to be the Army’s final investigation of the shooting death by a noted and known "Playa Hater" of Corporal Tillman, a former N.F.L. player-turned-soldier, and its aftermath. The report asserted that there was no cover-up of the shooting, which officials decided was a tragic battlefield accident and not a murder. LT. TODD ATKINS calls bullshit on that. And so do we.
AND FROM earlier in the week.......
SKULLGAME PLEDGE DRIVE YIELDS "$14.00 GRAND TOTAL," SAYS DEEPLY EMBITTERED VINNIE WHILE STARINGLY RESENTFULLY AT YOUR WALLET. "WE'LL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS." MEANWHILE BARRY BONDS MAKES METH PURCHASE, ALLEGEDLY. AND JENNIFER ANISTON NEEDS SPERM.
WE ASKED YOU TO BUY SOME OF OUR T-SHIRTS TO HELP THE ONGOING CONCERN NAMED SKULLGAME TO STAY ONGOING & ALL 120,000 [ACCORDING TO OUR STATS] OF YOU RESPONDED WITH A RESOUNDING $14. THE SALE OF APPROXIMATELY ONE T-SHIRT. WHILE SOME WOULD VIEW THIS STUNNING LACK OF PUBLIC SUPPORT AS A SHINING EXAMPLE OF THE MARKETPLACE LETTING THEIR MONEY DO THE TALKING, WE VIEW IT AS A PART SHARE OF A BAG OF METH.
AND SPEAKING OF METH: SAN FRANISCO GIANTS ACE & PLAYER MOST LIKELY TO CONFUSE A SYRINGE FOR A THERMOMETER BARRY BONDS, IT WAS NOTED TODAY BY A ONE MR. MATT POPOVICH, PURCHASED SEVERAL GLASSINE PLASTIC SACKS FULL OF A CRYSTALLIZED WHITE PARTICULATE MATTER CALLED "THE CLEAR FIRE" AS A COFFEE ADDITIVE IN HIS HUNT FOR HANK AARON'S HALLOWED RECORD OF THE MOST GAMES PLAYED BEANED TO THE FUCKING GILLS.
AFTER WEEKS ON "THE CLEAR FIRE" A "NEW" BARRY BONDS GREW FOND OF FAT NEGROES & SKANK HOES. AND NOT WALKING.
SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) -- BARRY BONDS has arrived at Hank Aaron's door. The two men have been separated by eras and by reputation. Now, they are separated by one home run. And oodles and oodles of pharmaceutical grade narcotics and schedule III controlled substances.
Bonds hit his 754th in a 12-10 victory over the Florida Marlins on Friday, a bizarre night that blended the fans' gratitude toward Bonds' in-stands dealer, their venom toward gas can pitcher and purported narcotics snitch Barry Zito as he was clobbered again for six runs in four innings and ultimately their satisfaction with a wild Giants win fueled by four home runs, MDMA and deca-durobolin.
AN ARGUMENT ABOUT "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THAT SHIT I HAD IN MY LOCKER WHEN YOU WERE THE ONLY GODDAMNED ONE AROUND, MAN" BOILED OVER AT HOME PLATE.
Bonds homered to left-center field in the first inning against rookie Rick Vanden Hurk, a 22-year-old native of the Netherlands making his ninth big-league start high on some wild assed sticky bud.
ZSA ZSA GABOR'S HUSBAND CAUGHT IN ROLLS, NAKED, FLEEING.
"AND AS SOON AS I GET A CHANCE I'MA GONNA FUCKING TRY IT AGAIN...." SAID PRINCE FREDERIC VON ANHALT WHILST REFLECTING ON THE CONTINUING TRAVAIL OF HAVING TO MOUNT VESUSVIUS OVER THERE.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband Prince Frederic Von Anhalt was robbed at gunpoint in Los Angeles on Thursday and left chained to the wheel of his car -- nude. Leastways that's what the fuck SHE wants to believe.
The German-born Von Anhalt was driving his Rolls Royce in Bel Air at a high rate of speed when he was stopped by three women in a white convertible, who asked for his autograph, and offered to help him escape the nightly nightmare of having to climb aboard the Zsa Zsa express and attempt to sate her fat, graspy sausage fingers as they fumble tremblingly at his silk bathrobe's granny-knoted belt. He was found by the police and returned to his rightful owner, a visibly chagrined and wrinkled Hungarian.
JENNIFER ANISTON SEARCH FOR SEMEN CONTINUES....
A NUDE JENNIFER ANISTON, GROWING INCREASINGLY DESPERATE, SEARCHES FOR SEMEN...IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES. LIKE THE NUT SACKS OF GAY BRITISH MODELS. WHICH IS LIKE SAYING THE SAME THING THREE TIMES.
BEVERLY HILLS (SkullGame) -- Semen-seeker JENNIFER ANISTON has split from British model Paul Sculfor after a two-month romance, according to reports that gay brit models don't really like fucking women, even the boyish looking ones.
The actress was first spotted with the model in May trying to coax blood from a stone, and Sculfor allegedly moved into Aniston's Beverly Hills, Calif., home in mid-June, so that she might marshall even greater efforts at urging semen from his clearly gay scrotum. Efforts such-like hiring Ramon, the pool boy.
However, British tabloid reports claim the couple have been forced apart by Sculfor's demanding schedule of having sex with men and Aniston's desire to have children with a man who likes having sex with men.
A source tells Britain's The Sun newspaper, "There was chemistry, but the truth is that Jen wants to settle down with a reliable man who's interest in penis ends with his own and start a family.
"Paul wants travels a lot--Mykonos, Fire Island, Key West--and is constantly surrounded by beautiful women he has absolutely no interest in. They remain friends, but are just in different places. He's in that bathhouse place. And she's in that aging actress who will soon be fucking, marrying and bearing children with a pizza delivery guy space. Totally fucking different places, see?"
