THIS EDITION OF SKULLGAME IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MASTERCARD: IT'S EVERYWHERE YOU WANT TO BE!!!
Yesterday we ran THIS:
HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A DAME DUMPED FOR A HOTTER, SEXIER PIECE OF ASS: THE JENNIFER ANISTON STORY
I WAS NOT DUMPED. WE JUST CAME TO A MUTUAL AGREEMENT TO HAVE MY BREASTS APPEAR ON AN INTERNATIONAL PORN SITE TO SHOW HIM THAT I'M JUST AS SEXY AS ANY CAMBODIAN SLUT HE MIGHT KNOW. THAT'S ALL.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- JENNIFER ANISTON is suing a paparazzo, claiming he invaded her privacy by using a telephoto lens to photograph her topless as she cried out front by her garbage can while shaking her fists at heaven and cursing an unjust God who while making her a millionaire has purposefully spited her with teeny titties and an ex-husband who did not desire same.
The lawsuit filed Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court alleges that photographer Peter Brandt must have observed the 36-year-old actress "from across the street through invasive, intrusive and unlawful measures much like those used by that asshole Brad who thinks that by holding Negroes on TV he's solving the world's Negro holding problems or something like that."
The photos "could have been taken only by means of trespass" or "demons" and were shot in a place where she had reasonable expectations of privacy, like the street in front of her house where she had slept the prior evening, claims Aniston, who starred on NBC's "Friends," in the lawsuit.
Brandt said he took the pictures three weeks ago while standing on a public street in Los Angeles about 300 yards from her house and a few feet from where the disheveled Aniston laughed, cried, and flashed her beav at heaven.
"That's not what I was looking for," said Brandt.
And then THIS...
TIT PHOTOG SPECIALIST BALLISTIC OVER ANISTON'S ANTI-TINY TIT CLAIMS!!!
NOT QUITE BIG ENOUGH FOR A "FRANK & BUN" BUT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE COCO AND THE NUT.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- JENNIFER ANISTON's sub-par rackage has been savagely attacked by the photographer who took snapshots of while she wandered around and amidst the niggardly displayed collection of debris betwixt where she had slept that evening in her neighbor's oleander bushes and the curb. Aniston, 36, slapped photographer Peter Brandt with a lawsuit, after learning he'd taken pictures of her, but now the snapper is hitting back.
He tells SkullGame, "She's the one who went out there topless. I didn't go looking for it."
"When I saw her come out topless, I go, 'Oh, God, this is not what I want, this is not what people want to buy anyway.' I haven't sold those pictures anywhere. You know, they're suing me and all the publications who are publishing them, and I haven't sold them anywhere. No one wants them. Especially Brad. Especially. In fact, he asked me to tell her that."
WASHED UP ROCK STAR RENDEZVOUS ERUPTS INTO FULL-BLOWN HOMO-RAGE AS JUDGE ROY BEAN AGITATES FROM THE STANDS: “YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! YOU SHOW ‘EM, FAGGOTS!”
A PICTURE OF SCOTT STAPP AFTER SAID ALTERCATION, BEING FORCIBLY EJECTED FROM A LOCAL CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE FRANCHISE FOR, ACCORDING TO THE SHIFT MANAGER, “NOT BEING ABLE TO HOLD HIS APPLETINI’S AND QUEERING OUT OUR GODDAMNMED CUSTOMERS BY PERFORMING SCOTT STAPP SOLO MATERIAL DURING OUR THURSDAY NIGHT KARAOKE—WITHOUT ACCOMPANIMENT.
BALTIMORE (SkullGame) — In what was described by hotel security as “possible gay sex”--SCOTT STAPP, former frontman for god-rockers Creed and renowned total fucking pussy--and members of Omaha based wigger-core collective 311; best known for perpetuating horrid fads such as hemp necklaces and fratboys assuming funk credibility—had to be reportedly sprayed down like a pair of humping dogs following a Thanksgiving night altercation in which the aforementioned parties made up stories about being “cage fighters” and called each other “bitches” as if nobody had ever blown sand to glass and glass to mirror before.
Stapp, who is so tough he backed down from fighting Fred Durst, had apparently too many wine spritzers and propositioned wannabe rapper S.A. Martinez’s wife to “rude acts” involving rampant shoe shopping; prompting her to demand that if Martinez didn’t do something, and do something swiftly, the option of her bailing his ass out in a maelstrom of teeth gnashing and finger snapping the next time his masculinity got called into question--i.e. tomorrow and every day that follows-- would be nonexistent: leaving him not only in a pickle, but reportedly craving one also, and eyeing Stapp in puckering anticipation-- knowing not whether to lay it on him or…well…lay it on him.
Stapp, with something to prove obviously, did what he does best: take a punch poorly and fall to his knees in an attempt at what is known in his circle as a peace offering--an offering that the members of 311 were only too happy to accept; much to the horror of onlookers and much to the glee of their supposed girlfriends; who finally knew that their intuitions to sit on as much schlong as is humanly possible while their partners were on tour was spot-fucking-on.
Authorities chose not to arrest any of the participants of the melee; citing that they had left their latex gloves at home that day and were not compensated well enough to take the risk of catching The Gay by getting too close to what Harbor Court Hotel employee Tim Mashe described as “pure, unbridled alternative lifestyle—the likes of which is rare even in the seediest of discos”.
LT. TODD ATKINS IN "I'M NOT GAY BUT...," A PAEAN TO SKULLGAME SPONSORED FIGHTER: JAKE SHIELDS!!!
I JUST GOT THIS FUCKING FAGGOT FAG-O-GRAM [COMPLETE WITH THE GAY PIC] FROM SOMEONE OUT THERE NAMED DAVE DIETRICH THAT THINKS IT'S FUNNY TO NOT ONLY BESMIRCH AN AMERICAN VEGETARIAN LIKE JAKE SHIELDS BUT THE ENTIRE ARMED SERVICES. ALL I NEED TO SAY IS: WE'RE PRINTING YOUR LETTER ONLY IN THE HOPES THAT SOMEONE RECOGNIZES YOUR FUCKED UP SYNTAX & SNITCHES OUT YOUR COORDINATES SO WE CAN AIR DROP A JUSTLY DESERVED BEATING ON YOUR FLAMING PETARD.
"Hey I ain't no homo or anything!
But theres really something about that Jake Shields!
I first noticed it when I went to train at the Fairtex Academy. His cut abs, strong jaw line and full lips really cut a striking figure! He's really something of an adonis.
I felt so comfortable rolling with him, being in his clinch felt something like being in mother's loving arms. I didn't think much of it until one night before sleep I was jerking off, and I couldn't get his image out of my head! It was really turning me on to think of him banging my girlfriend (not Jessica) while I watched.
The next day in class, I tried to ignore my attraction, but I couldn't. I let him pass my guard and mount me over and over again, the bulge in my pants barely being restrained by my jockstrap.
I usually don't shower at the academy, but Jake does!!!
I just couldn't resist the urge to see him nude, so I nonchalantly followed him into the showers. Alls I can say is he's got a nice hose; it looked like a baby elephant's trunk. As I watched the soap suds roll down the crack of his ass, all I could think about was what it would be like to have stiff hog balls deep in my asspipe.
I mean, I ain't no fucking faygot or anything, but I just wonder what it would be like, ya know? Can anyone else relate to this?
Sincerely,
David Dietrich
